My church is doing a three year study through the whole Bible. We recently finished part 1: Genesis - Exodus. One thing the study focuses on was Israel's tendency to complain and doubt God after all they had seen. When I read thought these books as a kid I would always get frustrated with Israel and think they were really dumb.
However, the more I read through this section of the Bible as an adult, the more I see myself in this faithless complaining. The more cause I have to wonder at the purposes God could have in not instantly granting all my wishes. Or what purpose He could have in giving other people things that He hasn't given me. Does lack hold a secret blessing? Is this also one of the "good and perfect" gifts from God? I wrote a poem about these musings:
Wandering the desert
My whole soul aches
Hungers for something
That I haven't been given
That I can't live without
Complaints churn within
As I wait impatiently
For Your provision
Where is my hunger?
What is my thirst?
What drives me to complaint?
These are my idols
Sin's strongholds and lies
Gripping my heart and mind
Luring me away from real needs
To disposable distractions
Teach me to trust You
To wait when I'm thirsty knowing
That need teaches me hunger
Life's little wants can't fill me
But their absence teaches me longing
Shows my heart only You can satisfy
There's no other for my desperate soul
I will wait in thirst and hunger
Oh Lord bring me to
The only well of Living Water!
The only Bread of Life,
The only Love that can fill me!
You are endless and I am empty
Overflow me till I'm lost in You
Then I can pour on others
The love poured out on me
Monday, April 02, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
First Video Post
One of the exciting things about my job is that it is not unusual for me to have a new challenge thrown at me, such as learning to podcast last year, and find out that the skill I need to learn is needed later that same week. As was the case with podcasting I found out the church was going to get a podcast, had to learn about podcasting, and be able to do it all within a week. Not much time to learn a new skill.
My plan is to post video book reviews (is that an oxymoron?) here on my blog and possibly on YouTube if it turns out to be easier that way. Thus I can learn video-making at my own pace, and at least have some experience under my belt when the day comes that I actually need the skill.
The video below is a completely unedited first take. I just want to see how hard it is to post videos here on Blogger, because I was told it's not easy. Here goes, prepare to be very unimpressed...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Playing a Professional
Today I spent most of my time feeling like a little girl who'd raided her mother's clothset, was attending a business meeting in said attire, and was hoping desperately that no one noticed she didn't belong there.
Why feel this way? I went to a seminar on social media marketing in Denver. I tried extra hard to dress professionally so that people wouldn't think I was under 19. This preoccupation made me feel more awkward than usual. I tried arriving in Denver early and shopping the blues away, but looking for clothes only made me feel more inept at choosing clothes. Finally I gave up and went early to the library where the seminar was to be held. Ah, books. So much better than shopping.
P.S. Despite the awkwardness I never quite managed to shake (Why didn't I just wear jeans and let them think I'm a kid? Not like I'll see any of them again anyway.), I did have a great time and learned a lot. :D
Why feel this way? I went to a seminar on social media marketing in Denver. I tried extra hard to dress professionally so that people wouldn't think I was under 19. This preoccupation made me feel more awkward than usual. I tried arriving in Denver early and shopping the blues away, but looking for clothes only made me feel more inept at choosing clothes. Finally I gave up and went early to the library where the seminar was to be held. Ah, books. So much better than shopping.
P.S. Despite the awkwardness I never quite managed to shake (Why didn't I just wear jeans and let them think I'm a kid? Not like I'll see any of them again anyway.), I did have a great time and learned a lot. :D
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Do Blogs Ever Die?
Once again it's been more than a year since my last post. My vast reading audience must be wondering why I don't put this blog out of its misery and delete it. That's a fair question. I keep having this dream that someday I will be motivated again, and have time.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Week of Fasting Hopes
In about two minutes I begin a week of fasting. Every year Immanuel Fellowship has a week-long fast. Sound impressive? Well this is only the third year we have had this tradition. But I hope it sticks. It seems time every time I do a fast (even some of the silly, alternatives to all-out fasting) God really speaks to me and things happen.
At the risk of waxing nostalgic I can't help but think of the spring semester when Jacque and I fasted every Friday. I was 23 and feeling like a huge, broken mess. Failure may have been a better word for what I felt. Ruined? Unfixable? You get the picture. Every Friday all I prayed was, "God do whatever You want in me, whenever You want to do it. If You want to do noting and leave me as I am, that's okay. If You want to change things about me that I am uncomfortable with, that's okay. What You do is up to You. Only please, please, let Your hand be free to work in my heart." As the year progressed, I also asked God to have a free hand to discipline me if that's what it took to keep me from sinning against Him and dishonoring His name. I now look back on that year as one that went from being very dangerous to very life-changing for good.
I had a boyfriend for a little while that year. I dated him because I needed attention, and because I thought I couldn't do any better. (Bad Jennifer, bad.) He wanted to marry me and would talk about having kids and such. At the time I thought all my dreams of ever being a missionary were over so there was a minute where I actually wondered if I should just go ahead with that guy. I thought maybe I didn't matter anymore because I was a mess. God really helped me see that He had other plans (and that anyway I'd be much happier single than with that guy). I can't count how many times I've looked back on this situation with a heart full of thanks that I got out of that relationship.
Later that year I ended up joining the MDS, or Missional Discipleship School, that my church did and moved to Mexico City on a church-planting team. It was like my life began a new chapter the week I started that school. God quickly pulled me out of a rut I'd been in for years. Beginning then, and continuing till now I've been growing so fast spiritually that it makes me dizzy. I feel like God's done so much in my heart I can't keep up. So many things that I thought would never, could never heal in me are now problems of the past or dim shadows of the struggle they once were. When I remember where I was four years ago, and remember how hopeless I was that I could change, I feel so amazed at God. His redemption is more powerful than we think.
Hmmm.... I meant to write my hopes for this week of fasting, but my train of thought ran away with me. Whenever I think of fasting, I remember that year, the prayers I was praying, and God's protection and faithfulness to work in me. It always makes me excited to fast and see what God will do next.
At the risk of waxing nostalgic I can't help but think of the spring semester when Jacque and I fasted every Friday. I was 23 and feeling like a huge, broken mess. Failure may have been a better word for what I felt. Ruined? Unfixable? You get the picture. Every Friday all I prayed was, "God do whatever You want in me, whenever You want to do it. If You want to do noting and leave me as I am, that's okay. If You want to change things about me that I am uncomfortable with, that's okay. What You do is up to You. Only please, please, let Your hand be free to work in my heart." As the year progressed, I also asked God to have a free hand to discipline me if that's what it took to keep me from sinning against Him and dishonoring His name. I now look back on that year as one that went from being very dangerous to very life-changing for good.
I had a boyfriend for a little while that year. I dated him because I needed attention, and because I thought I couldn't do any better. (Bad Jennifer, bad.) He wanted to marry me and would talk about having kids and such. At the time I thought all my dreams of ever being a missionary were over so there was a minute where I actually wondered if I should just go ahead with that guy. I thought maybe I didn't matter anymore because I was a mess. God really helped me see that He had other plans (and that anyway I'd be much happier single than with that guy). I can't count how many times I've looked back on this situation with a heart full of thanks that I got out of that relationship.
Later that year I ended up joining the MDS, or Missional Discipleship School, that my church did and moved to Mexico City on a church-planting team. It was like my life began a new chapter the week I started that school. God quickly pulled me out of a rut I'd been in for years. Beginning then, and continuing till now I've been growing so fast spiritually that it makes me dizzy. I feel like God's done so much in my heart I can't keep up. So many things that I thought would never, could never heal in me are now problems of the past or dim shadows of the struggle they once were. When I remember where I was four years ago, and remember how hopeless I was that I could change, I feel so amazed at God. His redemption is more powerful than we think.
Hmmm.... I meant to write my hopes for this week of fasting, but my train of thought ran away with me. Whenever I think of fasting, I remember that year, the prayers I was praying, and God's protection and faithfulness to work in me. It always makes me excited to fast and see what God will do next.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Adventures in Tech
This week I:
About midnight last night though, I hit a wall in everything. I really thought there was no possible way that launching a facebook and a podcast were going to happen in the same short week. So I went to bed and woke up with new solutions and ideas in my head. They have worked, as far as I can tell. We'll see Monday when I try to post it. My job is never boring.
- Started a Facebook for Immanuel Fellowship
- Read up on the ins and outs of Facebooking for organizations
- Linked the Facebook to our church website (Harder than it sounds for a semi-tech, I had to get my Grandma to help me. Yes, my Grandma.)
- Put lots of photos on our Facebook.
- Read up on podcasting, starting from near-zero knowledge.
- Downloaded a podcasting platform, MediaCore, only to discover that it was not exactly made with windows in mind.
- Removed this platform.
- Signed up for a much easier, no-download-required podcasting platform called PodBean.
- Got our PodBean all set up and ready for Sunday's message.
- Began to look for tutorials on how to record both the English message and the Spanish translation simultaneously in Audacity with only one mic jack.
- When tutorials on this subject turned out to be hard to find, I called the sound guy who already knew how this is done in Audacity.
- Thanked the sound man for saving me hours of work trying to figure it out myself.
About midnight last night though, I hit a wall in everything. I really thought there was no possible way that launching a facebook and a podcast were going to happen in the same short week. So I went to bed and woke up with new solutions and ideas in my head. They have worked, as far as I can tell. We'll see Monday when I try to post it. My job is never boring.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Times, They Are A-Changin'
It has been almost nine months since I last blogged. I may not have any readers anymore. I guess that's okay for now. I deserve it I'm sure. :p
The last year has been jam-packed full of changes. And everything has happened so fast my head hasn't stopped spinning all year. Let's see, my last posting was from Mexico City. That was a busy trip, the main thing we did was develop a discipleship course.
After I got back from Mexico I started doing odd, unwanted administrative jobs for Immanuel Fellowship. One in particular was to stalk (ahem, I mean "find") every person who's ever been a part of the church over the last ten years so that we could invite them to a ten year reunion. It was a chore. We've been a church for ten years, well almost eleven as the even was last Easter, and I've been a part for nine. I'm glad I've had the chance to see a church "grow up" in core values and vision the way I've seen Immanuel do over the years. It's been exciting to see it all unfold from nearly the beginning. But I think the next ten years will be even more exciting.
After my exemplary stalking, I was given more administrative tasks, until I was hired officially and for pay in June. Since then I have worked full time as the administrative/fundraising/techy/graphic-designing/secretarial/webmaster/finance-person of the church. It's been a great fit. I am the church's first full-time employee other than the pastor. Because of this there has been a lot of catch-up work to do like organizing things around here that have never been organized. That's not always so fun. However, to compensate I've gotten to learn Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver, which have all been quite fun. That's not the half of the new things I've learned on this job, but the list is long so I'll leave you with the fun ones.
This job is different and throws new challenges my way every week. I've been constantly learning the last five months since I started working full time. I feel like I've learned enough to get another associate's degree. It's been fun. The thing I always hated about every other job was that once I learned it there would never be anything new to learn. Learning excites me, even when it's frustrating. For this reason I have promised myself several times that I would never work in an office again. There are boring office days with this job, but at least I know that when I finish the boring job there will be a much more interesting one after. There aren't too many very dull jobs around here.
Also, I've transferred to CSU Global, and am finally in my third year of college. At this rate I hope to graduate by thirty. I'm getting my degree in Organizational Leadership with a specialization in non-profits. Online is not so bad as I thought and actually I'm liking it so far. I'm generally excited about life when I'm not dizzy with at the good changes. :D
The last year has been jam-packed full of changes. And everything has happened so fast my head hasn't stopped spinning all year. Let's see, my last posting was from Mexico City. That was a busy trip, the main thing we did was develop a discipleship course.
After I got back from Mexico I started doing odd, unwanted administrative jobs for Immanuel Fellowship. One in particular was to stalk (ahem, I mean "find") every person who's ever been a part of the church over the last ten years so that we could invite them to a ten year reunion. It was a chore. We've been a church for ten years, well almost eleven as the even was last Easter, and I've been a part for nine. I'm glad I've had the chance to see a church "grow up" in core values and vision the way I've seen Immanuel do over the years. It's been exciting to see it all unfold from nearly the beginning. But I think the next ten years will be even more exciting.
After my exemplary stalking, I was given more administrative tasks, until I was hired officially and for pay in June. Since then I have worked full time as the administrative/fundraising/techy/graphic-designing/secretarial/webmaster/finance-person of the church. It's been a great fit. I am the church's first full-time employee other than the pastor. Because of this there has been a lot of catch-up work to do like organizing things around here that have never been organized. That's not always so fun. However, to compensate I've gotten to learn Photoshop, Illustrator, and Dreamweaver, which have all been quite fun. That's not the half of the new things I've learned on this job, but the list is long so I'll leave you with the fun ones.
This job is different and throws new challenges my way every week. I've been constantly learning the last five months since I started working full time. I feel like I've learned enough to get another associate's degree. It's been fun. The thing I always hated about every other job was that once I learned it there would never be anything new to learn. Learning excites me, even when it's frustrating. For this reason I have promised myself several times that I would never work in an office again. There are boring office days with this job, but at least I know that when I finish the boring job there will be a much more interesting one after. There aren't too many very dull jobs around here.
Also, I've transferred to CSU Global, and am finally in my third year of college. At this rate I hope to graduate by thirty. I'm getting my degree in Organizational Leadership with a specialization in non-profits. Online is not so bad as I thought and actually I'm liking it so far. I'm generally excited about life when I'm not dizzy with at the good changes. :D
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