do i love?

God has been convicting me about love lately. I can't get the question out of my head: do I love? Do I really love? Not the way 1 Corinthians 13 describes it. For awhile I've been doubting whether or not I love those who either don't love me or just don't show it well. In those cases it's easy to justify it by blaming the other person, at least for me it is. However, through a conversation I had with a friend this week God's been showing me just how selfish my "love" is. I love only those able to give me that warm "loved" feeling. To them I'm willing to give my time almost unconditionally. However with other people, who don't make me feel so valued, I am not nearly as willing to spend time with them unless they are doing something I enjoy. There are so many other examples of the selfishness with which I "love" that I am beginning to wonder if I truly love much at all. "...[love] does not seek its own,...." 1 Corinthians 13:5. I have got to grow up, and love as this passage describes. Really, when I think about it I'm being needy. I love only in order to receive? God can give me more than enough love to fill the need in my heart and give away to everyone regardless of what they do for me.

God change my heart. Teach me to depend on You for the love I need and not those around me. I know we are also made to depend on each other in the body of Christ, but I'm not sure how that works. Where is the balance between being too dependent and too independent in relation to my brothers and sisters in Christ? Show me please. Help me be secure enough in Your love to love others selflessly. Give me Your love for people because all mine is false.