Ok, I must rave about God a little. I was recently alone with Him in the prayer room and He was telling me about Himself. He truly rocks in His ability to bring hope to hopeless times, wholeness to the broken, help to the helpless, and just basically bring something out of nothing.
Right now I'm going through what should over all be the most disillusioning, crippling, hopeless time I've ever faced. Seems like there has been a lot of down time where I'm just so spun around in hurt and confusion that I can't lift my head from disillusionment, hopelessness, and the horrible feeling of being totally crippled inside.
However, my friends have been praying for me through it all (I owe you guys some major prayer time!) and God is teaching me a lot. He's showing me that even though right now I feel like I'm being emptied and I'm so hurt I don't even know who I am anymore, He is showing me that He is still in control. He knows what's going on and is not the least bit confused. (Psalm 139:11,12) He takes debilitating scars and turns them into medals and strength to run. He uses those who've been reduced to nobodies! When I am strong enough to lift my eyes from what's going on and look at Him I see His hand at work already. I can see a little how He's molding my character. I can see Him maturing my faith. He's refining my walk with Him and incredibly deepening my vision. And - possibly best of all - He's giving me this crazy hunger for Him lately. I don't know how to explain it exactly, I feel like a beginner all over again. Like I don't know God at all yet and I've got to go crazy searching Him out in the Bible, in my time with Him, and in prayer for my friends.
It's so amazing how He uses impossible situations. Could it be? A reason to the hard times? At last, the faint whisper of an answer for life's why's? A blessing in disguise that brings us closer to the most amazingly true love ever known? A door to the beautiful?
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