Ok, so today I have that rare bit of time for my blog. Crazy when that happens. I just switched to Beta and was exploring and I got to looking at all my old posts in the post editing section. I only read a few and mostly only looked over the old titles and drafts. Wow, God’s been crazy faithful to me these last couple of years. I haven’t exactly deserved it; none of us do though I guess.
It’s a good reminder for me these days. Life’s been a bit too much lately. I’m taking nine credits and working full time and I’m beginning to wonder what I’ve gotten myself into this semester. I’m feeling more relationally challenged than usual because I’m mad at the whole world (almost) and I don’t know why. Not knowing why I’m mad makes me mad. :p In a shift of responsibilities at work over the last month and a half I’ve taken on a few more chores than I had before. Office work is not my specialty to begin with and now I’m usually doing several things at once and always messing at least one of them up. My brain feels like it’s gonna melt. Some days after work I go home, go to my room and cry because I’m so stressed. My friends probably all think I’m mad at them. : (
But God has been teaching me some important stuff.
Mostly I’m learning about love – and how bad I am at it. God doesn’t love like I do. I tend to wait for people to love and make me feel accepted first. Then I’m willing to love back. My love is timid and His is not. Leadership needs to be first loving and serving. I’m not a very good leader because I’m very demanding and needy when it comes to feeling loved. God’s been telling me that this just means that I need to run to Him more and find my security there. I really need to love people more like God does. I’m shockingly bad at this (well maybe not shockingly bad; I just wanted to use that word, it’s a very dramatic word), but the good news is that God wouldn’t be showing me this unless He wanted me to grow.
So storms today but a promise tomorrow…..
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