contentment

Philippians 4 "...Rejoice in the Lord always; again I say rejoice...Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God...Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

This is one of those chapters I might be tempted to conveniently ignore - if Paul hadn't written it from the inside of a prison cell. However the whole writing about contentment while in prison thing forces me to take this passage seriously. I'm not a person who does blind faith very well. I have troubles living out the pieces of Christianity that are too deep for me to grasp with my mind. This can make for slow going in my walk with God sometimes. Things like always rejoicing, being content, and being thankful really don't make sense to me. How are we supposed to rejoice when things are going badly? How do we have a thankful heart for the things that suck in life? How can we be honestly content when our needs are not met? I want to obey God in these areas of my life but I don't want to fake it. God sees where my heart really is anyway so there isn't much point in trying to pretend I am thankful, joyful, or content when I'm not.

Lately I've been trying to study artistic composition. The little watercolor paintings I create can be rather uninspiring I think one of my problems is bad composition. One thing I keep seeing over and over is this talk about negative space. Negative space is the empty spaces around the subject of your painting. So say if you paint a vase of flowers the negative space is the blank, uninteresting wall behind that vase of flowers. Negative space is the void. The shapes and patterns created by the negative space, though easily over looked, can make or break a composition. The keep it simple and uncluttered, they help lead the viewer's eye through the painting, they create depth and balance and more. Basically the empty spaces in a painting are very important.

How does this relate to my long-standing dilemma over Philippians 4? Well, I have a problem rejoicing, giving thanks, or being content when the things in my life aren't going as I planned. I have my list of requests I make to God, and many of my requests are things I honestly think I need. I am a light packer, both literally and figuratively, I tend to think the needs on my list are quite basic. God provides but so often He doesn't give me most of what's on my list - He even withholds many of things I thought were very basic. Sometimes it feels like there are a lot of unfilled voids and empty negatives in my life. In response to this I stop rejoicing, being thankful or content. It just doesn't make sense to me how or why I should. I try to do what the Bible says, but blind obedience was never my strong point. However, Paul wrote this convicting passage while imprisoned, and the persecuted church continues to worship God with a sincerity that shames me.

It's so easy to get focused on the negative spaces in my live, the voids, and the places where God's idea of my basic needs turned out to be quite different from my own. I don't understand all the reasons why, and I never will; I'm too small for that. I'm thinking it all comes down to trust in God. Trust that His ways are higher and that Someone smart enough to create the universe is smart enough to run my life. I can obey Paul's words if I can wrap my mind around the fact that God is a master artist. Unlike my little paintings He knows how to use the negatives and voids that life brings and make something amazing out of them. I'm beginning to suspect that maybe the things that God doesn't give us are themselves gifts just as precious as those things we are given.

I've walked with God long enough that I can look back with this new perspective and actually see where and how he has used some of my negatives to weave profound threads of beauty into my life. In hind sight there isn't a rough time that I would go back and trade for an easy time. But I'm so quick to forget what God has done in the past whenever I'm faced with some new trial. It would be laughable if it wasn't so sad. One more thing to put in His hands and beg Him to change in me. Basically I can be thankful, content and rejoice because God knows what He's doing and He never makes mistakes.