possibilities

This Saturday we had our last housechurch gathering. So many of us are leaving! Tessa and Genesis are moving away, Greg and Netsie are leaving for college, and Isaac is moving all the way to France to be part of an internship with a church there. Some of us will still be getting together on Saturdays, but with so many people leaving this was the last housechurch as we’ve known it.

Weird, I’ve moved so many times and I’m used to being the one doing the leaving. It’s strange to stay and watch others go. Even though it’s sad to see so many people leave, the more I think about it the more excited I get. Change is always such a huge opportunity to grow. What does God have for all of us this year? How will our characters be shaped twelve months form now? Despite the fears I have about my place in all of this, I can’t wait to see what this next year holds.

camping trip

I just got back from Immanuel's annual camping trip. As always it was awesome. There were, as Mike said, "About 5 billion mosquitoes per acre." I'm very tempted to think this was an honest estimate and not just a humorous exaggeration.

For me the best parts are the community of living together, the meals, the water fight, the swimming, the hikes, and especially the orienteering race. Ok fine, I like it all. It's so cool just about everyone in the church comes, even people who don't really like camping.

Well this year I made a mistake. We were about to start our orinteering race and were standing around getting the rules from Mike, the pastor and the man who sets up this little adventure, when I asked God to teach me some kind of lesson through competing in the race. (Can anyone remember that old proverb, "Be careful what you wish for"? Well the same can sometimes be said of prayer because God is not without a sense of humor. :P) That was my mistake. I never learn, I'm always praying these prayers of a slightly dangerous nature and then being swept up into these adventures. However if I quit praying stuff like that I'd get really bored. I'd rather have the adventure.

Anyway, I was put on a team of five, the purple team, and we were given two pages of clues to follow. We started off quite lovely and got the first two purple flags with ease. Things started going downhill from the second flag. First we got confused and went to the wrong lake (there are like a thousand in the area where we were camping, which explains the raging mosquito population). After going at least a mile out of our way and backtracking we found our third flag. At this point it had been two hours. Mike had announced to everyone that our team was the most likely to win, however he also expected the winners to return within two hours. We knew we had lost and this was made worse by the fact that we were the expected winners.

Not wanting to be quitters we continued. Rather suddenly, when we came upon a road that would easily lead back to camp two of our team members decided to call a quit and go back to camp. It was discouraging but three of us decided to keep going even though we were disqualified without all of our team members. Now it was just Josiah (our eagle-scout leader), Jessie (our energetic 16-year-old runner), and me. We got caught on the fourth flag. About two hours of exploring small lakes and mashes looking for a patch of lilies with a flag in them and we were one flag richer and one pint of blood poorer than we had been when our other team members had left us.

Somewhere in all that fruitless searching we all got quite discouraged. Though none of us wanted to quit Josiah delicately hinted that maybe we should as soon as we got the fourth and nobody disagreed. However, with the forth flag came a burst of encouragement. We realized that just because we came in last didn't mean we had to come back beaten. Since the next flag was not to far we went after it and found it much more quickly. With only two left we just couldn't quit. Flags six and seven also came faster, even if we did end up back-tracking again to get number six.

Finally, after five and a half hours the purple team emerged from the forest, wet, tired, hungry, mosquito-bitten, but proudly triumphant. Immediately we happened upon Mike, who had come to look for us since it was after 19:30 and beginning to get a little dark.

So what was my lesson? Obviously perserverance. Not quitting when everyone seems to give up and there's only a few left, and when you seem to get nowhere. I was thinking about that stuff the whole time. However, someone is begging for use of this computer so I must go and save this already long post for getting much longer.....

again

She's dead
They slowly strangled her
Lips close to her ear
Whispering love

The outer shell remains
But the inside is devastated
Emptied of all good

Through the dark
Is there always hope of morning?
Can the shattered heart be rebuilt?
Will ashes be redeemed?

Yes is the answer I see
Reflected in Your confident eyes
Is there anything else I know?

The walking dead sees a sunrise
Feels the beat of life within
Though a world turns to ash
Those ashes are still in Your hands

In Your hands life is created
Dreams once dead awake and breathe
Now more real than ever they could've been

Crippled legs learn to walk again
And then the impossible - they learn to run
Yet something will never be the same
For the death was real

But I find You waiting, smiling
To show me the joy of what You're doing
Redeeming all that was shattered

lovely pointless quiz

I put in all the silliest answers and this is what I got. Hmmm.......


The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
You must try this, it's more fun than most. While you're at it, go see a Muffin Film.

risk

"Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."
- Julius Caesar from Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar

At unhindered last weekend Pete talked about taking risks. People today don't risk enough for God. Everything is too neat and tidy. Sometimes when I'm reading the story of some hero of the faith that I admire I look at the risks they took and wonder if I would ever have the courage to do the same. People have told me that I'm courageous before because I've been on mission trips by myself, gone cliff-diving, or like to try interesting new foods. That's all nice, but do I really have the courage to live my whole life for God?

Maybe I shouldn't sit around asking that question. I think it might be one of those questions that just paralyzes you. I don't really know. I was reading Mere Chistianity by C.S. Lewis today and ran across this:

"If you read history you will find that the
Christians who did the most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. ...all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither."

Maybe it's not trying to have the courage or even taking the perfectly right path. Maybe the reason that my heros could do all that they did was because though they may have been afraid or unsure they thought of Eternity and just did it. That sounds so good, but how in the world do I work it out in life?

live8

No, I haven't seen it. Unfortunately my dial-up internet won't play the videos. Quite sad. :( But we took some time during worship this morning to pray for the G8 conference later this week. We also talked about the need for the church to reach out today, it was good.

Umm...my seven-year-old sister is asking me to read her a book. I've got to go. I'll try to post more about this later.....

three jobs

Today I got a call. I applied for a position as a full-time receptionist and got it. This is great, it's in a pediatric center, and they will give me a little bit of training as a nurse. I'll be working with a mostly bi-lingual staff. I've been hoping to get a job like this for a long time. Thanks God!

Funny, most of this last month I've been struggling financially because I was only working at Gap and they were only giving me about 10 - 12 hours a week. God's really come through for me financially this last month in some ways that are undeniably Him. Now I have three jobs though, two part-time and a full-time. That adds up to a few too many hours for me to work. What a nice change. I guess I will have to quit a couple of my jobs. ;)

first day

This was my first day working for Starbucks; I ended up getting the job even though I broke down on the way to my interview last week. I learned more about coffee today than this non-coffee drinker ever dreamed of knowing about the subject. We made a lot of Frappichinos and that was really fun. We gave all our practice ones away for free because they weren't always the prettiest things. I also drank more coffee today than I have ever drank in my whole life. It was all black and awful. That was really hard. I ended up quite sick and had to leave early. Arrgg.... Maybe I'm allergic to coffee.

week of car troubles

These last seven days have been pretty hard on my poor old car. Once again I had thought we had reached the end. I was on my way to a job interview in Copper a week ago when suddenly, "pop!" and all this white smoke started pouring out everywhere. So I pulled over and called Bobby and he helped me limp the poor thing home. We had to pull over a bunch of times to let the engine cool down. Having almost no money I was pretty upset at the prospect of having to use the bus for the next few months. Then we discovered it was just a blown hose, not too bad. My dad had it replaced in no time.

The next day I drove it, it was overheating really fast and I ended up having to leave it at Isaac's house for the day. It was only the thermostat so Todd and Tom, Ben and Marie's dads, fixed it for me. Fortunately all the repairs have been cheap and I've saved on gas not driving my car around much.

Today I was picking something up from Ben's house and ran over a nail just before pulling into the driveway. Why me? The thing was letting air out so fast we could all actually see it getting flatter! Todd fixed it just enough to get me to the tire repair place. I was pretty upset, I only had $30 dollars left to my name so I knew this was probably going to cause me to bounce a check. I got the the place and guess what? I was ladies' day so they patched my tire for free! Whew, that was close, thanks God.

unhindered

This was the last day of unhindered, Immanuel Fellowship's missions conference/retreat. I'm not really sure which one it is as this event kind of feels like both. Anyway, this is only the second time we've had it unhindered, but I think it's my favorite thing we do as a church. It's so envisioning.

This time our speakers were George Miley, Pete Greig, and Mike Phillips. What do we talk about at a missions conference/retreat? It was interesting. Last time we did a lot of talking about what church is, planting churches, overcomming our own insecurities, inner healing, and forgiveness. Last time I definately went away changed in the way I think. I've remembered a lot of what the speakers said and what God spoke to me during that time. Two years later unhindered has again surpassed my expectations. This time the theme is baciaclly the same: church planting. However, the speakers took it from a different angle this time.

Here are some of the things that stood out to me:

• Mike said that if we plan on going and making disciples we first have to be disciples. We can't take others where we haven't been and are not going.
• Spiritual authority and power are two different things. Those who carry authority will feel weak more often than they feel strong, but God is looking for people willing to be His.
• Pride can hold us back but so can a more subtle lack of humility. Thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought. Teachability is really important in cross-cultural relationships.
• George talked about the importance of solitude. I missed that one, but everyone said it was really good; I'll have to get it on CD.
• Pete talked about focus. There will be times of failure and times of fruitfulness. We need to remember through both that our relationship with God is secure and His is working in us.
• Jenn and Joel made an incredible video about really loving Jesus more than life and being willing to drink His cup and feed His sheep. What is the cost of taking up your cross and dying on it?
• The desert is not something to run away from. It's a place to get close to God in preparation for the ministry He has chosen for you. We need to see it from God's view.

So much stuck out to me it's a bit hard to sort through it all. However, I think the biggest thing was the humility of the speakers themselves. A lot of people would come to an event like this and share their triumphs and miricle stories. You end up wondering why you just can't seem to reach as high as them. It wasn't that way here, they told us their failures and times of weakness and doubt. It was encouraging how much they talked about failure. So there is not something horribly wrong with me if I don't see amazing results every time I try to serve God. It's not the end of the world if something goes wrong. Overall I think that stood out the most. I get way too uptight about messing up. God help me trust You and risk more.

God's love

Tonight (well, I guess last night) our housechurch talked about God's love. It was a really hard topic to help teach. Who am I to teach about God's love? I don't really know all that much about it....

I guess that's the beauty of a housechurch, everyone is there for everyone else and we all teach each other. This is definitely one of those nights where I feel like the things other people said really helped me more than I helped anyone else. They reminded me of what God's love is like. All of them were things I knew but had somehow forgotten. I hate it when I forget God's love; it's like holding my breath, senselessly waiting for air when it's all around me. Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear what you said tonight.

kilts

Ok, so I'm at my Aunt's house and I ran across this sick online store and I thought all my guy friends should know about it. Get your wallets out and prepare to be amazed by these super hott kilts! I'm especially impressed by the designer kilts. If I was a guy I'd be wearing either the Hand Over or the Bloodlines.

radical church

Radical, revolutionary, unconventional, passionate, unhindered, whole-hearted, focused, sincere. Does this list of words make anyone think of the church? Not anyone who's been through as many American churches as I have. Maybe I've seen too much of the dirty reality of church in America. Is a higher vision than this possible? Is it realistic? Is a person insane to dream of more for the church?

I just finished reading this post by Jenn, a very good friend of mine. I know it's a bit long, but it's anything but boring and very worth taking the time to read. It's a well-written picture of what it would look like if the book of Acts had taken place in 21st century America. It leaves me wondering, what happened to church like that? Could there ever really be a church that looked like that in the modern world? I could imagine it in the part of the world where Christians are under heavy persecution. But what of the comfortable Western world? Could church ever look like that in the Western world? It seems ludicrous to even think about it. Could the comfortable, prosperity-infatuated, uncommitted, self-focused, western church ever really look like this? It doesn't seem possible to knock the western church out of it's self-infatuation.

Then again, who is the God of the impossible? When you read the Bible it almost seems like He likes bringing beauty out of the impossibly crippled. I'm not saying that there's no good in the Western church. I'm not saying it's a lost cause. I love the church. Yet I've never seen it like this. What would become of us if we actually attempted this? No, this is one of those things you cannot attempt; you either do it all the way or self-destruct trying. But what would happen? I think there would be a grand division in the church. Some would go for it. Others would stand back and see something they should be doing but not be able to do it because they love the world too much. Some would find an incredibly meaningful life this side of Heaven like they never imagined. Others would probably continue as they are. In studying church history a little I've noticed that the church tends to be it's own biggest persecutor. Those who are unwilling to change try to force everyone else to stay behind with them. They also tend to flippantly throw around words like heresy and cult without really knowing or caring about the beliefs of those they've so labeled.

It would be amazing to live to see and be a part of such a radical escape from the love of this life and materialism. Could I handle it? Would I resist? I do like to have a little space. But to be challenged to work out my Christianity in such closeness to my brothers and sisters would be an incredible growing experience. It would revolutionize the way all of us think about our relationship with Jesus, our spirituality, our church...everything. God could You make this happen?

ids graduation

Last night some of my friends graduated from our church's private high school. There were four people in the graduating class: Marie, Isaac, Emily, and Ben. It was the coolest graduation ever! (Ok, ok, so I've only been to one other graduation ceremony, but it was still the best!) It was formal and every one in the class made a speech. They all did a really good job, especially Marie. Hers was absolutely brilliant, she was organized, polished, funny, and sincere - she even quoted some poetry she had written for it. Good work everyone!

revenge of the sith

I just watched Episode III with my dad and sisters. This is the second time this week. I'm a nerd about Star Wars. I can name most of the ships, planets, and characters, especially in the original three. Which I have practically memorized, wearing out the copies I had on VHS before getting them on DVD.

It's interesting the differences between the original three and the latest additions to the story. Obviously the graphics are much better and the lightsaber fights are way faster and better choreographed. Aside from the obvious, I noticed two other big things that have changed.

The next most obvious thing that has changed is Yoda. He's way cuter, more expressive, and one bad little green blur with a lightsaber. No one can even try to stop him when he's in action. The way he talks is different too. It really got on my nerves the way he says everything backwards, "Good relations with the Wookies I have." Maybe he's always talked like that, I guess he's had a bigger role recently. Yoda has also always talked like a Buddhist, but it's way more obvious now. This is especially true of this final episode, "You must learn to let go of all that you care about." Interesting thought, what is life without caring?

The other thing that has changed is the view of good and evil. It's interesting, in the original three good is a purer shade of white and evil is black. In the new ones they are much more confused; coming out as dark grey and light grey. The dark side is obviously bad but the light side also makes a lot of mistakes, leaving Anakin confused and easy prey for Lord Sidious. I guess real life is like that though, hind-sight is 20/20 so by the time Luke Skywalker arrives on the scene everybody knows who is the oppressor and who isn't.

I hope I don't sound negative. I'm not trying to be. Over all I liked the movie. It was sad watching Anakin fall though.

singles' retreat

I just got back from Immanuel Fellowship's first singles' retreat. It was a great 24 hours. We started yesterday with an awesome time of worship. I've kinda had a hard week. At first I felt like I couldn't come into God's presence and worried that I would waste the weekend like that. I was cool how God brought me into His presence anyway.

This morning I went for a run before breakfast. After breakfast we had a time set aside to go out-side and seek God. I was pretty distracted, but focused enough to hear God speak to me about a fear I've been struggling with.

During the first session we talked about the fear of God, like in Psalm 111:10. We talked about this for a pretty long time, about what it is and for a long time about what it isn't. This part really stuck out to me more than the rest. It's an interesting balance being both a friend and servant of God.

Later we had another time to just be with God, followed by another session. Then it was over; it was really short. God spoke so much to me this weekend, way too much to begin to write here. I hope I can hold on to it all.

never wasted

I'm reading a book about Amy Carmichael. It contains a lot of her quotes along with things which had encouraged her but hadn't been written by her. In some places the author is not clear who wrote what, so I'm not sure who wrote this:

God never wastes His servants' pain.
God never wastes His servants' time.
God never wastes His servants' toil.
God never wastes His servants' gifts.

Sometimes I worry that I'm going to waste what God has entrusted me with, especially the things listed in this quote. Yet if I'm fully His and doing my best to listen and live in His will then maybe this is one of the burdens Jesus desires that I lay at His feet. Really, no matter how good I am I can't prevent waste; I'm only human. Once I heard Judy, Isaac's mom, say, "Nothing laid at the feet of Jesus is ever wasted." God help me lay my life and efforts to serve You at Your feet. Help me trust You to keep all of it.

a ring

Today I put on a ring. While I was in Annecy God made me a promise. It is actually something He's promised me before, several times. I seem to have an amazing ability to forget this particular promise. So while I was in Annecy and God was reminding me again He asked me to put on a ring so that I could have something tangible to help me remember. I looked all over in Annecy and in Chamonix with no luck. Every thing was either gaudy or big and manly or really expensive. I was super frustrated when we left Chamonix and I was still without this ring I felt like I was supposed to buy. Later God assured me that He would get me a ring to remember. Interesting, I thought and kinda forgot about it.

Well this week I was spring cleaning my room, digging every last possession out of every last little cranny and mercilessly throwing stuff out. (My room is very small and lacks the space for sentimental clutter.) I found a ring in a little jewelry box in the bottom of my trunk. I have no idea where it originally came from. Actually, I'm not sure if I ever remember owning it. However it came to be there, it's perfect. I'm glad I didn't find anything in France.

Kinda funny, most people wear rings religiously to signify a promise they made to God. (Like a purity ring.) It's cool that God is also willing to make us promises. It's a little overwhelming that someone as important as God would make me a promise. I guess God's not too worried about His image or looking weak because He's close to things so small as individual people. Amazing how well He knows what I'll do before I do it. Wearing this little band of metal has really helped me remember what God has spoken to me. As to what that promise is...well, that's between God and I. ;)

what's your worldview?

This one was very interesting, thanks Isaac. I don't really know what cultural creative means though...

You scored as Cultural Creative.

Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.

Cultural Creative 75% Postmodernist 69% Fundamentalist 63% Romanticist 38% Idealist 19% Existentialist 13% Modernist 13% Materialist 6% What is Your World View? (corrected...again) created with QuizFarm.com

last day

So since my last post I've been to Chomonix, Marseille, and Taizé. Chomonix was a short visit, we ate lunch and prayed there for a little while, then moved on to Marseille on the Mediterranean coast. It has a very different feel culturally from the places we've been so far. A little more laid-back I guess.

We spent two nights in Marseille. We prayed over the city, and took a boat out to the island where the book, The Count of Monte Christo took place. While most of us where there Isaac went to a neighboring island and spent an hour being attacked by vicious, man-eating sea-gulls. In the process he lost his cell phone. So when the rest of us finally joined him on the island we had to help him retrace his steps looking for it. However, being the good friends that we are, we willingly followed him into perilous territory after laughing hysterically at his ordeal. We also took pictures of him first; he was kind of messy. He, he...I'm still laughing. I would be more sympathetic if it wasn't so incredibly hilarious. Anyway, we followed Isaac into the gulls' territory and they took a lot of dives at us and screamed a lot, but with six of us they were far less emboldened than they had been with only one. We eventually found the phone by calling it continually with Mike's phone till someone who had found it answered it. (How the person found a phone abandoned in such a dangerous place none of us ever found out.) So this story ends happily. : D

After Marseille we went to Taizé (and I left all the gifts I had bought my family behind in the hotel...brilliant). I think this was one of the highlights of the trip for me. I really liked the feel of community the place had, no sense that you're trying to break into somebody's established clique, everybody's willing to let you be their friend. It's super easy to talk to people there for the most part. However, people there are from all over the world, especially Europe. There was a German holiday during our weekend there so a lot of people were from Germany. I only know toe things in German: hello and something else impractical and maybe slightly inappropriate, definitely not a way to introduce yourself. :s I really liked being there and feeling lost in a group of people speaking seven different languages. Usually though people used English as a common language. The services were pretty cool. There were very simple worship songs sung in fifteen different languages, with no real visible worship leader. The worship times always had a long period of silence (which for a room of two thousand people was very impressively silent), this was a good time to focus as they were usually towards the beginning of the worship. They would also read a verse about Jesus between songs in many different languages. I was sorry I only got to be there for a day. Someday it would be really cool to go for a whole week.

Today we're back in Paris, in a suburb called Saint Germaine, and we leave tomorrow. Wow, this trip seemed really short. I'll miss you France.