Ok, this week has been rather insane at work and so I would like to tell the world. It's been an exciting week at work. Now since I work at a children's clinic excitement would be a bad thing. A very, very bad thing
Monday: The morning was packed, every available appointment was taken. Dr. Chris however, never turns down a sick child. So at the beginning of our lunch we saw a three week old baby that was sick. Brett, the nurse's assistent, went to check the baby in. He noticed that the baby had turned grey and was barely moving. He got the nurse. That baby's oxygen was at 64! (For those of you who don't know, brian damage can happen when it get's as low as 90.) So they put the baby on oxygen, discovered it had RSV (same aweful thing I had last couple of weeks, very dangerous in kids that young) and called an ambulance to take the baby boy to the Children's Hospital in Denver. As soon as they left we had a head injury on an eleven year old boy come in. He had somehow managed to smack himself in the head with a shovel. How he accomplished this I can only guess. The mom said his eye dialated but it fortunately wasn't as seirous as she thought. Then we got a call that the ambulance with that baby had turned around before it got to Denver, which means that something went majorly wrong. We were all worried and praying because we thought that the baby was going to die.
Tuesday: Also very full. We found out that the baby lived and that after bringing it back to our hospital to stableize it they finally took it to the hospital in Denver. It's now in ICU (intensive care unit) on a ventelator (breathing machine) they don't yet know when that baby will be out. If you think of it pray for that family, for that little baby to get all the way better, they are new parents and probably quite freaked out, and ventelators are very expensive. About lunch today we had another injury walk in. A seven year old boy slipped on the ice, cracked his nose and punctured his lip. Yikes, there was a good bit of blood so we moved things around to get him in right away.
Wednesday: We saw 29 people in five hours. I was at work from 8h - 19h. It was crazyness and insanity times five. RSV, flu, and a nasty little stomach bug, have hit Summit pretty hard this year. RSV is more contageous than the flu if that gives you any idea. Half the church has had it this month. The first hour we were open we had to see eight people in an hour. (We only have four rooms so four people in an hour is considered busy, but Chris never turns down a sick kid.) The first three kids who came in all tested positve for RSV (extra nasty chest cold and a few other yucky symtoms), one we sent to the hospital and the other two got brething treatments and oxygen. All this respitory stuff is made much worse for the little kids when you throw in the fact that we are at 9,000 feet above sea level and there's less oxygen in the air so more kids require oxygen when they get sick.
Usually I work to the sounds of angry/hurt screams in the background of kids who do NOT want to get shots. Having grown up in a daycare my mom ran I'm pretty good at consentrating with a high noise level. This week the background noise at the clinic has been totally different. It's much quieter. The children don't feel well enough to scream at the sight of the doctor. It's all the most pitiful noises children can make. Weak, half-hearted crying, coughing, wet coughing, dry coughing, very weak coughing, and a lot of bad wheezing. It makes me want to cry.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Monday, January 23, 2006
very happy
I just finished my first art class for this semester! I've wanted to be an artist as long as I can remeber. Art Class has always been my favorite. However, having homeschooled most of my life I haven't had much opportunity to. Very sad. :( But now I'm taking art for a whole semester and each class lasts three hours. I'm so happy I could bounce off the walls! This class is going to be so cool. First upon looking at everyone else's work I have discovered that they are all better than me. I'll be way more challenged in this class than usual. (Usually I'm at the top and my pride gets stroked a lot which causes it to undertake spasmotic growth spurts, not good.) Also, we can work on whatever we want, in whatever media. So I can just do whatever I want and get feedback from a room full of people more talented than me. This is exciting. The teacher will help me get better at whatever I want to get better at. Oh the posibilities, and only one semester!
**floats away on happy cloud
**floats away on happy cloud
Sunday, January 22, 2006
story of grace
Today begins a new chapter in what I hope someday we will all look back on as a story of grace. Today a brother and a sister who left Immanuel Fellowship over a year ago due to a lot relational problems that were piling up came back. It's been quite tense between them and a lot of people. Today they came and he got up and apologized for the way he'd hurt some people and said that they want to be a part again. They've looked but haven't found any other chruch that is like a family. Mike called the man's wife up front as well. He was hugging them and about to pray for the couple but he never got the chance. Erick put his gutar down and stepped off the stage to give them a wlecoming hug. Pat, Todd, and Tammy were right behind him. Then suddenly most of the people in the church (everyone who knew them) went to the front to join in what had spontaneously become a group hug. Lots of crying and welcoming words. We've missed them. God please let this be a story of grace on all our parts. Heal the hurts on both sides. Give us the grace to forgive all and love freely again.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Patty & Justin
Today is the wedding of two of my friends, Patty and Justin. (Hence the title of today's post.) It was a nice little wedding, sort and sweet with a long reception afterwards. The extra cool part was that Patty's older brother Bobby got to preform the ceremony and prononce them man and wife. He was so excited to do it and said all these great big-brotherly things to both of them. Then the parents came up to pray for the new couple. It was sweet.
P.S. It's an odd thing being a single twenty-something. I'm that age where all my friends seem to be getting married. I'm losing count. Not that it really makes me want to rush out and get married any time soon. It's just odd.
P.S. It's an odd thing being a single twenty-something. I'm that age where all my friends seem to be getting married. I'm losing count. Not that it really makes me want to rush out and get married any time soon. It's just odd.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
my map
Look what I found on Gordon's blog. It's so cool. Go make your own, it's fun. ;)
create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands
create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands
Saturday, January 14, 2006
failed
I’ve been sick this week. I got sent home from work, and I’m still not well enough to go back yet. Whatever I have leaves me wired so that I can’t get to sleep very easily. It’s been a good time to read.
For Christmas I got a book called Safely Home. It’s a fictional book about two roommates who are reunited in China after 20 years. The American has become a successful businessman, the other returned to China and gave up his dreams so that he could serve Jesus there. The book is very well researched and it’s one of those that’s very hard to put down. I’m beginning to think I should have put it on my seven best books list I made a few days ago.
At the same time it’s kind of a painful read for me. It’s already made me cry twice and I‘m little over half-way through. (I can count on one hand the books that have made me cry.) When I was a teen I read the book Jesus Freaks, a collection of true stories of people who’ve died for their faith. It inspired me to want to give everything for Jesus, even to be willing to die. I knew that as a Westerner it was not very likely that I would ever be on the wrong end of a gun with someone commanding me to deny Jesus. I knew it was unlikely that I would ever be beaten or see any of my friends killed for Jesus’ name. Unlikely, but not impossible. Yet even if I never faced such a test I prayed for the love to be able to. After all, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If that kind of love is impossible for a Westerner who may never face such tests, than God wouldn’t have asked it. He asked it, so there must be a way even in the relative safety of my country. It was one of my most frequent prayers.
If the last couple years have been a test than I’ve failed miserably. I have lost for taking a stand and choosing not to be swayed or turned from where I feel God has called me to be. Have I lost everything? There have been moments of self-pity where I have thought so. In reality, no I have not come near to losing everything. Some relationships have changed or been lost which has hurt. Looking back I have not been the hero I had spent so much time praying I’d be. I have not suffered loss joyful to be worthy of suffering for Jesus. About as far as you could go in the opposite direction actually. I haven’t quit or run away, but that’s God’s doing, not mine. It’s been a very discouraging discovery that I would not have what it takes.
However, the book is also very encouraging. The Chinese man, Li Quan, was the son of an illegal pastor. He too faced a test and failed. His father was imprisoned and killed for his faith, his mother died in an earthquake. He became an atheist. Amazingly he gets the opportunity to go to college in America where his roommate is a Christian. Li Quan is reunited with the Jesus his parents gave all to serve. He goes back to China after college and is imprisoned many times for his faith. Speaking of Quan someone in the book states that, “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward. But properly learned, the lesson forever changes the man.” Though Li Quan’s actions are heroic in my book, he is scared when he’s about to be beaten and he never claims to be a brave man. He is human. Though he still feels the guilt of abandoning his parents as they suffered, he does his best with his second chance. If you asked Quan if he has what it takes to face the persecution he faces, he would proabably say no. He'd say that it's Jesus who keeps him going. Li Quan failed but the world didn't end there and so I’ll be praying that prayer again.....
For Christmas I got a book called Safely Home. It’s a fictional book about two roommates who are reunited in China after 20 years. The American has become a successful businessman, the other returned to China and gave up his dreams so that he could serve Jesus there. The book is very well researched and it’s one of those that’s very hard to put down. I’m beginning to think I should have put it on my seven best books list I made a few days ago.
At the same time it’s kind of a painful read for me. It’s already made me cry twice and I‘m little over half-way through. (I can count on one hand the books that have made me cry.) When I was a teen I read the book Jesus Freaks, a collection of true stories of people who’ve died for their faith. It inspired me to want to give everything for Jesus, even to be willing to die. I knew that as a Westerner it was not very likely that I would ever be on the wrong end of a gun with someone commanding me to deny Jesus. I knew it was unlikely that I would ever be beaten or see any of my friends killed for Jesus’ name. Unlikely, but not impossible. Yet even if I never faced such a test I prayed for the love to be able to. After all, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If that kind of love is impossible for a Westerner who may never face such tests, than God wouldn’t have asked it. He asked it, so there must be a way even in the relative safety of my country. It was one of my most frequent prayers.
If the last couple years have been a test than I’ve failed miserably. I have lost for taking a stand and choosing not to be swayed or turned from where I feel God has called me to be. Have I lost everything? There have been moments of self-pity where I have thought so. In reality, no I have not come near to losing everything. Some relationships have changed or been lost which has hurt. Looking back I have not been the hero I had spent so much time praying I’d be. I have not suffered loss joyful to be worthy of suffering for Jesus. About as far as you could go in the opposite direction actually. I haven’t quit or run away, but that’s God’s doing, not mine. It’s been a very discouraging discovery that I would not have what it takes.
However, the book is also very encouraging. The Chinese man, Li Quan, was the son of an illegal pastor. He too faced a test and failed. His father was imprisoned and killed for his faith, his mother died in an earthquake. He became an atheist. Amazingly he gets the opportunity to go to college in America where his roommate is a Christian. Li Quan is reunited with the Jesus his parents gave all to serve. He goes back to China after college and is imprisoned many times for his faith. Speaking of Quan someone in the book states that, “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward. But properly learned, the lesson forever changes the man.” Though Li Quan’s actions are heroic in my book, he is scared when he’s about to be beaten and he never claims to be a brave man. He is human. Though he still feels the guilt of abandoning his parents as they suffered, he does his best with his second chance. If you asked Quan if he has what it takes to face the persecution he faces, he would proabably say no. He'd say that it's Jesus who keeps him going. Li Quan failed but the world didn't end there and so I’ll be praying that prayer again.....
Saturday, January 07, 2006
giving blood
Today I gave blood. It's only the second time I've done it. I like donating blood. It's fun and I get to be someone's hero, what more could a girl ask for on a beautiful Saturday afternoon? :p
It took me less than ten minutes to give a pint of blood. The woman said my bleeding speed was a steady nine on a scale of one to nine. I'm proud of my skills.
......must be why it hurt so much more this time. :(
It took me less than ten minutes to give a pint of blood. The woman said my bleeding speed was a steady nine on a scale of one to nine. I'm proud of my skills.
......must be why it hurt so much more this time. :(
Friday, January 06, 2006
seven
things to do before I die
1. go to Antarctica
2. live in London
3. learn to speak with a proper British accent
4. successfully smuggle Bibles
5. learn to speak French
6. go on a medical mission trip
7. go to Alaska
things I cannot do
1. be somewhere I don’t feel wanted
2. focus for more than five minutes
3. trust a guy who has a crush on me
4. speak French understandably
5. stay calm when I’m really excited
6. watch people hurt other people
7. drink coffee and like it
things I say most often
1. go away! (while laughing)
2. I don’t know
3. grrrrr
4. boys! arg.....
5. we can take my car
6. brilliant
7. I’m sorry, could you repeat that, I quit paying attention there.....
books I love
1. the Bible
2. Till we Have Faces
3. A Tale of Three Kings
4. Quo Vidas
5. A Chance to Die
6. Red Moon Rising
7. The Vision
movies I could watch over and over
1. Narnia
2. The Runaway Bride
3. Batman Begins
4. Chicken Run
5. Starwars
6. The Neverending Story
7. X-Men
people to do this next
1. Jacque
I can’t think of anyone else who hasn’t already done this.....
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year
Today I moved into my new room. I'm still at the Simon's house but no longer in the laundry room. Now I have a real bedroom with a lock on the door and windows. I have a bathroom and access to the kitchen. Good way to start the new year.
And what about 2005? It was an incredibly hard year for me. It's easy to look at the negatives but I need to make some space for the good. They say you learn a lot through hard times. What did I learn? Hmmmm.....
And what about 2005? It was an incredibly hard year for me. It's easy to look at the negatives but I need to make some space for the good. They say you learn a lot through hard times. What did I learn? Hmmmm.....
- I finished reading through the Bible for the second time. It's amazing how much just reading the Bible helps; even when there are no great flashes of revelaton there's still something there.
- "For He [God] knows our frame, He remembers that we are but dust." - Psalm 103:14. I think I'm am slowly learning this one. God does not expect me to be a super-saint. He knows that I am human, weak, dust, and He is not up there demanding what I am incapeable of giving.
- "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3 I think I understand this verse on a much deeper level as well. God's love is everlasting. A song we used to sing says "Your love is deeper than my view of grace, higher than this worldly place, longer than this road I travel, wider than the gap You've filled." I can never run out of it. Funny, this time last year I was so sure I was on the edge of running out of love and mercy. Betsie ten Boom said, "There is no pit so deep that His love is not deeper still." Jesus stands above all gods in that He alone has the power to come to us and hold us no matter where we are; all other gods are too weak, they require us to come to them.
- "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may recieve mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:15-16. One of my friends has reminded me of this a few times. Even when no one else understands Jesus understands. He walks with me and fells my pain every bit as intensly as I do. He holds me and crys with me like no one else ever could.
- "You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" - Psalm 56:8. It's very hard for me to cry. Somehow I've learned to think it's an aweful, shameful thing. People used to laugh at me a lot when I was little and would cry. Then I learned not to let people see it. This year I've learned that God doesn't scoff at my pain. It's precious to Him. I'm free to cry with God.
- Jesus is the "author and perfecter" of my faith, not me (Hebrews 12:2). It's not my job to force spiritual maturity out of myself. I'm still trying to figure this one out. Where's the ballance between laziness and trying to be the potter? How do I let Jesus be author and still do my part? I am thinking that not as much of it is up to me as I thought.
- I think I've also learned to rely on the friends God has put in my life and admit my own weakness more.
Not that I'm all that great at any of these things. They're just areas I'm begging to see changes in. Hopefully it keeps going.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Emmanuel - God with us
“From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Savior to the human race….”
This is a Christmas song that Immanuel Fellowship sings. It goes through the entire life of Jesus, “King of Heaven now the friend of sinners, humble servant in the Father’s hands.” The song goes as far as His death, “He fights for breath, He fights for me,” and even to His second coming, “But the skies will part as the trumpet sounds.”
I think this is my favorite Christmas song. Though, I can’t remember all the words, I tried to give a good picture of it. I like it because so many songs we sing focus only on the baby in a manger yet this one goes through His whole life and purpose to save us.
This year I’ve really been struck by God’s passion to save humanity. Just the fact that He came to earth humbly, as a child shows His love. God could’ve come any way He wanted but He came as a servant. I don’t know why but this Christmas for the first time it’s struck me how much more gentle and loving it was of God to come humbly and live among us rather than sweeping down in a chariot of fire and showing us His glory in an unmistakable way.
It so awesome, because He’s God so He already knows everything, I’m sure that included knowing what it’s like to be human. However, He loves us enough to actually want to experience it with us. My favorite part of the song says, “Yes He walked my road and He felt my pain, joys and sorrows that I know so well; yet His righteous steps give me hope again – I will follow my Emmanuel.”
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Savior to the human race….”
This is a Christmas song that Immanuel Fellowship sings. It goes through the entire life of Jesus, “King of Heaven now the friend of sinners, humble servant in the Father’s hands.” The song goes as far as His death, “He fights for breath, He fights for me,” and even to His second coming, “But the skies will part as the trumpet sounds.”
I think this is my favorite Christmas song. Though, I can’t remember all the words, I tried to give a good picture of it. I like it because so many songs we sing focus only on the baby in a manger yet this one goes through His whole life and purpose to save us.
This year I’ve really been struck by God’s passion to save humanity. Just the fact that He came to earth humbly, as a child shows His love. God could’ve come any way He wanted but He came as a servant. I don’t know why but this Christmas for the first time it’s struck me how much more gentle and loving it was of God to come humbly and live among us rather than sweeping down in a chariot of fire and showing us His glory in an unmistakable way.
It so awesome, because He’s God so He already knows everything, I’m sure that included knowing what it’s like to be human. However, He loves us enough to actually want to experience it with us. My favorite part of the song says, “Yes He walked my road and He felt my pain, joys and sorrows that I know so well; yet His righteous steps give me hope again – I will follow my Emmanuel.”
Sunday, December 18, 2005
new ring
So back in May I got a ring to remind myself of several promises God made me while in Annecy. I've been surprised how much that little piece of metal has helped me remember what God has spoken to me. It's become rather like a security blanket, something that I take off and twiddle with or just look at when I'm feeling weak and scared that God has changed His mind.
Well in the last seven months some of those promises have been fulfilled in ways I didn't really have the courage to hope for at the time. (Not all of them are all the way yet but more than enough to be sure that God is going to finish it.) Only one remains....but that one will take awhile.
I recently broke my little ring. (***cries a tear) Yesterday my sisters Jacque (she's back from Texas again!) and Joanie, my cousin Marie, and I went shopping at a mall near Marie's house. I decided to buy a new ring as my finger has felt naked these last few days without one. I picked out a pack of five rings all tied together that had one I liked that fit me. Jacque decided she liked three of the others and tried one on. It stuck. My poor sister stood there in that store and worked and worked but to no avail. The ring was stubborn. My sister was thoroughly stuck, probably for life.
Well, since I was going to buy them anyway I comforted her with the fact that we wouldn't have to steal them. We went to the register and the kind girl rung up the rings - right on her hand. Then she was so nice as to cut the string holding them all together so that Jacque would only have to wear the one that was stuck rather than all of them.
She managed to get the ring off when we got back to the house. I'm glad we didn't have to amputate it, but probably not as glad as Jacque is. Anyway, I have a new ring to remember what God has spoken to me and is doing in my life. Jacque got her rings to work as well. Happy ending. :p
Well in the last seven months some of those promises have been fulfilled in ways I didn't really have the courage to hope for at the time. (Not all of them are all the way yet but more than enough to be sure that God is going to finish it.) Only one remains....but that one will take awhile.
I recently broke my little ring. (***cries a tear) Yesterday my sisters Jacque (she's back from Texas again!) and Joanie, my cousin Marie, and I went shopping at a mall near Marie's house. I decided to buy a new ring as my finger has felt naked these last few days without one. I picked out a pack of five rings all tied together that had one I liked that fit me. Jacque decided she liked three of the others and tried one on. It stuck. My poor sister stood there in that store and worked and worked but to no avail. The ring was stubborn. My sister was thoroughly stuck, probably for life.
Well, since I was going to buy them anyway I comforted her with the fact that we wouldn't have to steal them. We went to the register and the kind girl rung up the rings - right on her hand. Then she was so nice as to cut the string holding them all together so that Jacque would only have to wear the one that was stuck rather than all of them.
She managed to get the ring off when we got back to the house. I'm glad we didn't have to amputate it, but probably not as glad as Jacque is. Anyway, I have a new ring to remember what God has spoken to me and is doing in my life. Jacque got her rings to work as well. Happy ending. :p
narnia
I just saw Narnia for the second time this week. I've read the book several times (I'm losing count) and they did a good job sticking to the original story. Even better, they did a fantastic job maintaining the heart and message that comes across in the book. Rather than downplay, most of the little changes highlighted what a traitor Edmund was and therefore they also highlighted the sacrifice of Aslan.
The characters were all amazingly cast. I've seen several attempts to make The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe into a movie. One of them I had to shut it off after about ten minutes because it was so awful. Usually Aslan's a small puppet or he's got a rather nasal and wimpy sounding voice. The kids are all the wrong ages or look like they just dropped out of the 70's not the 1940's during WWII. Every one of them were about the age the book implies and looking like they lived in 1940's England. They all kept the characters of the book, they even looked the way I've always imagined them. (Well except the witch I always imagined her looking a bit more like Cher. Though I thought the woman who did it played her well.) The character of Edmund, his treachery, and his salvation were excellently done. Aslan was big, strong, gentle, and wild. (That line in the book about Aslan being wild and untameable but incredibly good at the same time has hugely influenced the way I've thought about God since I read the book when I was fifteen.) The witch was just as awful and even trickier than I imagined her.
Ooooo, I want to go read all the Narnia books again and I can't wait till it comes out on movie!
The characters were all amazingly cast. I've seen several attempts to make The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe into a movie. One of them I had to shut it off after about ten minutes because it was so awful. Usually Aslan's a small puppet or he's got a rather nasal and wimpy sounding voice. The kids are all the wrong ages or look like they just dropped out of the 70's not the 1940's during WWII. Every one of them were about the age the book implies and looking like they lived in 1940's England. They all kept the characters of the book, they even looked the way I've always imagined them. (Well except the witch I always imagined her looking a bit more like Cher. Though I thought the woman who did it played her well.) The character of Edmund, his treachery, and his salvation were excellently done. Aslan was big, strong, gentle, and wild. (That line in the book about Aslan being wild and untameable but incredibly good at the same time has hugely influenced the way I've thought about God since I read the book when I was fifteen.) The witch was just as awful and even trickier than I imagined her.
Ooooo, I want to go read all the Narnia books again and I can't wait till it comes out on movie!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
it's over
Hooorah! Biology class is over. I took the last test today. I think I did well, I hope it was good enough to cover the bad grades I got on another couple of tests. :S I guess I'll find out in a few weeks. Anyway, next semester I'm taking art and ice climbing classes. It's supposed to be a very busy season for the clinic.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
i'm 22 for a moment
Today is one of my favorite days of the year. Usually on December 13th I have a birthday….actually so far it’s never failed to come. ;) I am now twenty-two and I like the sound of it. Maybe I've lost some maturity between this year and last; I am way more excited about this birthday than I was about the last, and I hear that women older than twenty-one are supposed to dread their birthdays. Oh well, I’ll be immature; denial and lies can come later.
My birthday was kinda odd. First I worked but got off early. Then I went for a run and figured out that I can do mile in twelve minutes without racing. (I have never measured or timed myself before so I’m happy.) Then I went to biology class and forgot my homework. :s But the teacher is letting me turn it in next week. Finally I went home to watch Rabbit Proof Fence with the kids that live in my house and one of their friends. Only two other people were able to come and only one stayed for the movie because it’s finals week.
Crazy way to spend my day but that’s okay. I’m excited anyway. Glad to be alive and wondering what I’ll get to see God do in the next year. What will He do in me? Seems like there’s so much that needs to change in me. God’s on top of it. When He’s ready He will show me how. I’m so excited I want to run another mile or two, but it’s late and my guest took his time leaving so that will have to wait for another day.
My birthday was kinda odd. First I worked but got off early. Then I went for a run and figured out that I can do mile in twelve minutes without racing. (I have never measured or timed myself before so I’m happy.) Then I went to biology class and forgot my homework. :s But the teacher is letting me turn it in next week. Finally I went home to watch Rabbit Proof Fence with the kids that live in my house and one of their friends. Only two other people were able to come and only one stayed for the movie because it’s finals week.
Crazy way to spend my day but that’s okay. I’m excited anyway. Glad to be alive and wondering what I’ll get to see God do in the next year. What will He do in me? Seems like there’s so much that needs to change in me. God’s on top of it. When He’s ready He will show me how. I’m so excited I want to run another mile or two, but it’s late and my guest took his time leaving so that will have to wait for another day.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
victory
I had brekfast with Bill and Jerie, a couple who lead the Tueday night housechurch. I had a great time helping them make breakfast. I got the job of cooking some aweful turkey bacon. It was all of our first and last times eating turkey bacon. ;) Bill's pankakes were wonderful though and they more than made up for the bacon.
Now why am I talking about what we had for breakfast? So I can tell you something amazing and profound that Jerie said of course! :P (At least to me, maybe everyone else is smarter.) I mentioned how I don't feel like I'm where I want to be in my walk with God. Somehow she must have read my mind because this is waht she asked me: "What is victory?" She assumed a superhero pose with her arms raised valiantly above her head, "Is it da, da da daaa?" (At this point I'm thinking, Yes that's Christian victory.) "No, that's not victory." Jerie continued, seeming to answer my thoughts, "Victory in the Christian life is faithfulness. It's following Jesus no matter what."
That hits a bit hard. Like, I know the right answers. I know that you don't have to be a supersaint to be a Christian. Yet I live and think as if somehow I have to impress God with my spirituallity. It's so hard for me to just chill out and quit trying so hard to perform for Him.
Now why am I talking about what we had for breakfast? So I can tell you something amazing and profound that Jerie said of course! :P (At least to me, maybe everyone else is smarter.) I mentioned how I don't feel like I'm where I want to be in my walk with God. Somehow she must have read my mind because this is waht she asked me: "What is victory?" She assumed a superhero pose with her arms raised valiantly above her head, "Is it da, da da daaa?" (At this point I'm thinking, Yes that's Christian victory.) "No, that's not victory." Jerie continued, seeming to answer my thoughts, "Victory in the Christian life is faithfulness. It's following Jesus no matter what."
That hits a bit hard. Like, I know the right answers. I know that you don't have to be a supersaint to be a Christian. Yet I live and think as if somehow I have to impress God with my spirituallity. It's so hard for me to just chill out and quit trying so hard to perform for Him.
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
the mission bell
Yesterday a random thought popped into my head, "Hmmm...... It's been awhile since Delirious? came out with an album." Since Isaac's not around to check these things for me anymore I decided to check their sight for myself. To my sheer delight I saw the new cover-design of The Mission Bell, their new album. I'm excited; Delirious? is my favorite group. Then today I noticed an e-mail from my friend Isaac, who's currently living in Paris, and there's a music file attached. I can't open it till my next trip to my parents' house, but I think it's the free down-load I saw on their sight.
Sunday, December 04, 2005
odd mix
The girls in the family I live with wanted to learn how to make greeting cards with rubber stamps. This can be quite complex, if you’re creative about it. So today my family had them all over to their house (my mom has a gazoon of the necessary supplies) and I taught them how to do anything they could think of to make cards.
Then in a turn away from such girlyness we all, guys included, ate pizza watched Edward Scissorhands. Very strange movie. I think either it’s supposed to have a really, really deep meaning or the writer was totally wasted while he wrote it. Though I kinda liked it, I must admit that I suspect the later of the two options to be true.
Then in a turn away from such girlyness we all, guys included, ate pizza watched Edward Scissorhands. Very strange movie. I think either it’s supposed to have a really, really deep meaning or the writer was totally wasted while he wrote it. Though I kinda liked it, I must admit that I suspect the later of the two options to be true.
Saturday, December 03, 2005
God's Spirit
Two of my friends, Isaac and Dan have written about the charismatic gifts. Both posts are more than worth the read. They've made me think a lot. I need to do a bit of sorting-out here.
The first church I went to was my grandparents' Evangelical Free Church which my parents began to attend when my family moved in with my grandparents when I was three. Those types of churches were really the only ones my mom took my sisters and I to all through our many moves. I remember being quite bored and annoyed with being snapped at for being the figetty kid that I was (am).
Then when I was ten we moved to Colorado to stay. As usual we didn't know a soul but soon met a nice homeschool family who went to an altogether different kind of church. They were going to an Assemblies of God church in Summit County and Living Word Fellowship (the second met in our town on Thursday nights). They started taking my mom, sisters, and I. Both are Pentecostal churches but Thursdays were definitely more lively. Unlike the other places I'd been these people definitely believed that God is still active in the world. Suddenly church was interesting. They spoke in tongues, fell down when they were prayed for, jumped around while they sang, randomly shouted "Amen," prayed for healings rather than easy deaths (something that had really bothered me as a small child in other churches and I always refused to go along with despite what the adults said), and they believed that God would give them nice houses and expensive cars. My dad started coming to church with us and we were all baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I became much more interested in God. Suddenly He was so much closer and more accessible than ever before. When all the adults in the small Thursday church began reading through the Bible I joined them and loved it.....till I got to Chronicles and then the long genealogies sapped my determination. I joined an Assemblies of God girl's group in Grandby and kept at reading through the Bible.
It lasted about two years. My family went through a year where we were short on money so we couldn't drive the distances and my dad quit liking the pastor of the Thursday night church. So we started going to the Kremmling Community church (again) when I was thirteen. This church was almost fundamental, which was disturbing after being in the quite dogmatic pentacostal churches. What would happen to my young relationship with God in such a dry, lifeless church? I was really worried and asked God for some help.
It came through an older girl in my Sunday school class when I was fourteen. She had been on several Teen Mania mission trips and helped me get started going on a trip. Now, the extra interesting thing about all these church changes is that while I went to the Community church on Sunday with my parents that same homeschool dad was still taking my sisters and I to the girls' group at the Pentecostal church in Grandby. So I was going to two churches at the same time each saying confidently that the other was wrong. It was a very interesting time. I tried not to think too much, it made my brain hurt. :p
Then I went through something of a crisis. I came home from my first mission trip sky-high on pride. Of course I didn't take long to fall, and I did it hard. My family had also been going through a rough time financially for a few years which affected everything else in the house. The private school I had been going to moved to the other side of our large county in the middle of a year so I quit going and lost all my friends from there right after my fifteenth birthday. My parents decided they didn't want me hanging out with one of my other friends because her parents were scary. (In my parents' defense they really were scary.) The homeschool family that we had been friends with for so long suddenly went through a yucky divorce. My sisters and I watched close-up the breakdown of this family that had influenced us so much. The girl who had introduced me to Teen Mania left the church pregnant during her senior year. One way or another I lost every friend I had in a period of about a month and a half.
Very dark times, but they made me think. Without a friend to lean on, I took a much closer look at my two churches. My parents were not members of the Pentecostal church which caused my sisters and I to have a distinctly lower place in the girls' group. No one but my teacher from middle-school genuinely wanted me there. I was a number. People there gossiped and randomly told others that they would go to hell for their worldly acts like having a Little Mermaid watch. I went to the Community church's youth group, Sunday school, and Sunday service with my parents. Here I saw the exact same things: gossip, leagalism, condemnation, and cliques. The gossip forced my pregnant friend to leave. I was a geeky homeschooler/freshman with braces; the youth group didn't care that I existed. Again I was a number. I began to doubt it all. People who believed the prosperity gospel freaked out over their finances. People who obnoxiously prayed in the name of Jesus that God would take the "rebellious spirit of the devil" out of a cheeky kid couldn't seem to get it together enough to make their marriages last. Those that believed in miracles never asked for them without screaming their prayers as if God couldn't hear. I found myself very confused, cynical, and doubting God. I mistrusted Christians - especially traveling pastors who claimed the fire of God but didn't stick around long enough to let us see it in their lives. I'd glare them down when they offered to pray for me to be "Slain in the Spirit," a thing with I had never done and in my state of distance from God had no intention of doing. I didn't believe any of it anymore.
However, in order to keep up my perfect, innocent homeschooler image of flawless Christianity, I had applied and been accepted on a second mission trip. God let me know He was still real, and really interested in me a few weeks before I left and I began taking my questions to Him. On that trip I saw people healed. One boy was completely paralyzed on his left side. All his limbs were undersized and had barely a scrap of muscle on them, while his other side - still small - looked and functioned normally. Another group prayed for him but I saw the effects, he walked. The boy went home and got his mother and a lot of people prayed to give their lives to Jesus and filled out the little cards we gave them so that someone from a local church could follow-up with them. There was also a blind woman who received sight and a sick man was healed.
It's all very confusing. Since then my parents stated taking us to a more middle kinda church, Immanuel Fellowship, which believes that God works miraculously but doesn't obsess over signs and then they moved on while I have decided to stay here where I'm finally much more than a number. I have prayed for healing and both seen and not seen it. I've seen prayers I've prayed for my friends' hearts answered with more power than I had dared hope. A couple of people are almost completely different than they were five years ago when I and a few others really focused in prayer for them. Yet there are others who's lives and attitudes have only dramatically worsened as I've prayed. I've seen God use me in friends' lives and I've seen everything fall apart no matter how hard I try and how hard I pray. Seems like it's been a lot of the latter these last few years. I find myself discouraged and wondering what it is I'm looking for in all of this.
Dan talked about the Fruits of the Spirit, love, and how the miraculous gifts are named right along side and at equal standing with things like hospitality. (Gal. 5, 1 Cor. 12-14) After hearing Jesus warn the pharasies over and over that it's a wicked generation that seeks a sign (Matt. 16:4, Luke 11:29), why is it that we so often seek a sign to prove that God's Spirit is moving? Yet Jesus also said, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." (John 14:12) I've often heard those of the Pentecostal persuasion saying that this means we will see the same miracles of physical healing and provision that Jesus did and even more. While I think that we can't just demand whatever, whenever and expect God to bend the entire universe just to give us our fancy of the moment. I do think that Jesus meant this words as much as He meant anything else He said to us. However, I think we've taken a very narrow view of it. Jesus didn't just perform miracles of physical healing. He loved sinners. He patiently discipled twelve young and largely uneducated men. He got up early to pray every day. He forgave sins. He forgave and loved the mob that crucified Him.
So, what is the point? Why does God sent His Spirit? Like Dan pointed out, the emphasis in the New Testiment seems to be on transformation rather than miraculous signs. The same seems to be true of the passages about the Holy Spirit. I may be wrong, but it seems like God is not as interested in sending His Spirit through signs as He is in sending Him through the miracle of transformation. I think we don't always see a transformed heart as a miracle. It's not very loud or flashy, and in most people it happens so slowly that it only visible in retrospect. Maybe it's just me, but that's always seemed more desperate and hopeless than the physical, obvious stuff.
I think that we seek the signs and wonders because they are easier. (Not that there's anything wrong with them in and of themselves.) They are easier because they're loud, we don't really have to be in tune to and listening to God to see what He's doing when He works through the overtly miraculous. It's a quick change and doesn't require the patience of the slow, frustrating transformations that the heart makes. When abused it's a quick way to win yourself a name in God's Kingdom and it's a cheap way to trick yourself into feeling close to God in the absence of a real relationship. Tongues can be faked and 1 Corinthians 13 says that they will pass away. Love however cannot be faked very long but it's permanent. Yet true love requires a deep change of heart and at times incredible sacrifice. It can be pretty painful and unglorious.
Not that it's an easy answer, but I was impressed buy a comment left on Isaac's blog by a man who calls himself "The Big Dog." He said, "I would posit that there might be a third explanation: [in answer to Isaac's two options for why we don't see the Spirit moving] What if God is still sending His Spirit, but He's sending Him (It?) in ways and places that we're not expecting or looking for, so consequently we assume He's not there. We miss what would be obvious if we were looking for it. The religious establishment of the day completely missed the import of Jesus' arrival and ministry because He didn't come in a way and in the time they were looking for. I think God and the Spirit are always at work, always on the move, always up to something - and I often miss most of it because I'm running on default systems and autopilot."
We make God small in our minds by our attempts to draw lines around Him and find the formula that makes it easy. It's so hard to accept that He is, as C. S. Lewis says in the Chronicles of Narnia, wild and untameable by us. We can't just trust that He does what feels best to us but what is best, even when it hurts terribly and doesn't make any sense. But how do you trust someone too big and wonderful to be nicely predictable? How do you walk beside Someone who is both the Lion and the Lamb? Who is capable of making Himself known both through the parting of the sea and a still, small voice? Someone who spoke the stars into existence and also lay helpless as a baby in the arms of a teenage girl? How do you begin to understand someone like that?
The first church I went to was my grandparents' Evangelical Free Church which my parents began to attend when my family moved in with my grandparents when I was three. Those types of churches were really the only ones my mom took my sisters and I to all through our many moves. I remember being quite bored and annoyed with being snapped at for being the figetty kid that I was (am).
Then when I was ten we moved to Colorado to stay. As usual we didn't know a soul but soon met a nice homeschool family who went to an altogether different kind of church. They were going to an Assemblies of God church in Summit County and Living Word Fellowship (the second met in our town on Thursday nights). They started taking my mom, sisters, and I. Both are Pentecostal churches but Thursdays were definitely more lively. Unlike the other places I'd been these people definitely believed that God is still active in the world. Suddenly church was interesting. They spoke in tongues, fell down when they were prayed for, jumped around while they sang, randomly shouted "Amen," prayed for healings rather than easy deaths (something that had really bothered me as a small child in other churches and I always refused to go along with despite what the adults said), and they believed that God would give them nice houses and expensive cars. My dad started coming to church with us and we were all baptized in the Holy Spirit.
I became much more interested in God. Suddenly He was so much closer and more accessible than ever before. When all the adults in the small Thursday church began reading through the Bible I joined them and loved it.....till I got to Chronicles and then the long genealogies sapped my determination. I joined an Assemblies of God girl's group in Grandby and kept at reading through the Bible.
It lasted about two years. My family went through a year where we were short on money so we couldn't drive the distances and my dad quit liking the pastor of the Thursday night church. So we started going to the Kremmling Community church (again) when I was thirteen. This church was almost fundamental, which was disturbing after being in the quite dogmatic pentacostal churches. What would happen to my young relationship with God in such a dry, lifeless church? I was really worried and asked God for some help.
It came through an older girl in my Sunday school class when I was fourteen. She had been on several Teen Mania mission trips and helped me get started going on a trip. Now, the extra interesting thing about all these church changes is that while I went to the Community church on Sunday with my parents that same homeschool dad was still taking my sisters and I to the girls' group at the Pentecostal church in Grandby. So I was going to two churches at the same time each saying confidently that the other was wrong. It was a very interesting time. I tried not to think too much, it made my brain hurt. :p
Then I went through something of a crisis. I came home from my first mission trip sky-high on pride. Of course I didn't take long to fall, and I did it hard. My family had also been going through a rough time financially for a few years which affected everything else in the house. The private school I had been going to moved to the other side of our large county in the middle of a year so I quit going and lost all my friends from there right after my fifteenth birthday. My parents decided they didn't want me hanging out with one of my other friends because her parents were scary. (In my parents' defense they really were scary.) The homeschool family that we had been friends with for so long suddenly went through a yucky divorce. My sisters and I watched close-up the breakdown of this family that had influenced us so much. The girl who had introduced me to Teen Mania left the church pregnant during her senior year. One way or another I lost every friend I had in a period of about a month and a half.
Very dark times, but they made me think. Without a friend to lean on, I took a much closer look at my two churches. My parents were not members of the Pentecostal church which caused my sisters and I to have a distinctly lower place in the girls' group. No one but my teacher from middle-school genuinely wanted me there. I was a number. People there gossiped and randomly told others that they would go to hell for their worldly acts like having a Little Mermaid watch. I went to the Community church's youth group, Sunday school, and Sunday service with my parents. Here I saw the exact same things: gossip, leagalism, condemnation, and cliques. The gossip forced my pregnant friend to leave. I was a geeky homeschooler/freshman with braces; the youth group didn't care that I existed. Again I was a number. I began to doubt it all. People who believed the prosperity gospel freaked out over their finances. People who obnoxiously prayed in the name of Jesus that God would take the "rebellious spirit of the devil" out of a cheeky kid couldn't seem to get it together enough to make their marriages last. Those that believed in miracles never asked for them without screaming their prayers as if God couldn't hear. I found myself very confused, cynical, and doubting God. I mistrusted Christians - especially traveling pastors who claimed the fire of God but didn't stick around long enough to let us see it in their lives. I'd glare them down when they offered to pray for me to be "Slain in the Spirit," a thing with I had never done and in my state of distance from God had no intention of doing. I didn't believe any of it anymore.
However, in order to keep up my perfect, innocent homeschooler image of flawless Christianity, I had applied and been accepted on a second mission trip. God let me know He was still real, and really interested in me a few weeks before I left and I began taking my questions to Him. On that trip I saw people healed. One boy was completely paralyzed on his left side. All his limbs were undersized and had barely a scrap of muscle on them, while his other side - still small - looked and functioned normally. Another group prayed for him but I saw the effects, he walked. The boy went home and got his mother and a lot of people prayed to give their lives to Jesus and filled out the little cards we gave them so that someone from a local church could follow-up with them. There was also a blind woman who received sight and a sick man was healed.
It's all very confusing. Since then my parents stated taking us to a more middle kinda church, Immanuel Fellowship, which believes that God works miraculously but doesn't obsess over signs and then they moved on while I have decided to stay here where I'm finally much more than a number. I have prayed for healing and both seen and not seen it. I've seen prayers I've prayed for my friends' hearts answered with more power than I had dared hope. A couple of people are almost completely different than they were five years ago when I and a few others really focused in prayer for them. Yet there are others who's lives and attitudes have only dramatically worsened as I've prayed. I've seen God use me in friends' lives and I've seen everything fall apart no matter how hard I try and how hard I pray. Seems like it's been a lot of the latter these last few years. I find myself discouraged and wondering what it is I'm looking for in all of this.
Dan talked about the Fruits of the Spirit, love, and how the miraculous gifts are named right along side and at equal standing with things like hospitality. (Gal. 5, 1 Cor. 12-14) After hearing Jesus warn the pharasies over and over that it's a wicked generation that seeks a sign (Matt. 16:4, Luke 11:29), why is it that we so often seek a sign to prove that God's Spirit is moving? Yet Jesus also said, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." (John 14:12) I've often heard those of the Pentecostal persuasion saying that this means we will see the same miracles of physical healing and provision that Jesus did and even more. While I think that we can't just demand whatever, whenever and expect God to bend the entire universe just to give us our fancy of the moment. I do think that Jesus meant this words as much as He meant anything else He said to us. However, I think we've taken a very narrow view of it. Jesus didn't just perform miracles of physical healing. He loved sinners. He patiently discipled twelve young and largely uneducated men. He got up early to pray every day. He forgave sins. He forgave and loved the mob that crucified Him.
So, what is the point? Why does God sent His Spirit? Like Dan pointed out, the emphasis in the New Testiment seems to be on transformation rather than miraculous signs. The same seems to be true of the passages about the Holy Spirit. I may be wrong, but it seems like God is not as interested in sending His Spirit through signs as He is in sending Him through the miracle of transformation. I think we don't always see a transformed heart as a miracle. It's not very loud or flashy, and in most people it happens so slowly that it only visible in retrospect. Maybe it's just me, but that's always seemed more desperate and hopeless than the physical, obvious stuff.
I think that we seek the signs and wonders because they are easier. (Not that there's anything wrong with them in and of themselves.) They are easier because they're loud, we don't really have to be in tune to and listening to God to see what He's doing when He works through the overtly miraculous. It's a quick change and doesn't require the patience of the slow, frustrating transformations that the heart makes. When abused it's a quick way to win yourself a name in God's Kingdom and it's a cheap way to trick yourself into feeling close to God in the absence of a real relationship. Tongues can be faked and 1 Corinthians 13 says that they will pass away. Love however cannot be faked very long but it's permanent. Yet true love requires a deep change of heart and at times incredible sacrifice. It can be pretty painful and unglorious.
Not that it's an easy answer, but I was impressed buy a comment left on Isaac's blog by a man who calls himself "The Big Dog." He said, "I would posit that there might be a third explanation: [in answer to Isaac's two options for why we don't see the Spirit moving] What if God is still sending His Spirit, but He's sending Him (It?) in ways and places that we're not expecting or looking for, so consequently we assume He's not there. We miss what would be obvious if we were looking for it. The religious establishment of the day completely missed the import of Jesus' arrival and ministry because He didn't come in a way and in the time they were looking for. I think God and the Spirit are always at work, always on the move, always up to something - and I often miss most of it because I'm running on default systems and autopilot."
We make God small in our minds by our attempts to draw lines around Him and find the formula that makes it easy. It's so hard to accept that He is, as C. S. Lewis says in the Chronicles of Narnia, wild and untameable by us. We can't just trust that He does what feels best to us but what is best, even when it hurts terribly and doesn't make any sense. But how do you trust someone too big and wonderful to be nicely predictable? How do you walk beside Someone who is both the Lion and the Lamb? Who is capable of making Himself known both through the parting of the sea and a still, small voice? Someone who spoke the stars into existence and also lay helpless as a baby in the arms of a teenage girl? How do you begin to understand someone like that?
Friday, November 25, 2005
glenwood
I just got back from spending Thanksgiving in Glenwood with my extended family. It’s become a tradition the last six years. No one I know lives there, we all just go and stay in a hotel and eat Chinese. My aunt pays for my family.
I only stayed two nights this year. Everyone was there. I even got to see my Uncle John, some cute little cousins I don’t see often, and (**drum roll**) my sister Jacque! I got to pick her up from the airport and have lunch with her on the way.
While we were there our Uncle John (who really likes to spend money on his nieces and nephews) took the four oldest grandchildren to Aspen to shop. Jacque needs a formal dress for the graduations in January and August. We went to Gap first and he bought us all a few things.
Then we went to Christine Doir for the dress. A woman with a beautiful but implacable European accent greeted us at door. She showed us a few dresses; all of them too low cut or otherwise mature for my little sister. Then she took us out side to show us a dress in the window. It was way better, wine colored and quite elegant, imho.
The woman took us back inside and started showing us a dress magazine. She said that she was willing to take the dress down from the window, but only if Jacque really wanted it. “…because,” she said, “it is a princess dress, it costs $4,200.”
At this attempt to discourage my (**coughwealthycough**) uncle offended him. He brashly stated that he was paying for the dress and he would buy anything Jacque wanted. (Right here I must pause and explain that our family hasn’t always had enough money to buy food.) At Uncle John’s words my very snow-white sister paled. I hadn’t thought it was possible but it was clear she wanted nothing to do with a $4,200 “princess dress.”
After that store we looked through about a dozen others and found a whole lot or really expensive nothing. My Uncle got very frustrated, but the rest of us had fun.
For Thanksgiving dinner we went out to eat and had salmon. : 9
I only stayed two nights this year. Everyone was there. I even got to see my Uncle John, some cute little cousins I don’t see often, and (**drum roll**) my sister Jacque! I got to pick her up from the airport and have lunch with her on the way.
While we were there our Uncle John (who really likes to spend money on his nieces and nephews) took the four oldest grandchildren to Aspen to shop. Jacque needs a formal dress for the graduations in January and August. We went to Gap first and he bought us all a few things.
Then we went to Christine Doir for the dress. A woman with a beautiful but implacable European accent greeted us at door. She showed us a few dresses; all of them too low cut or otherwise mature for my little sister. Then she took us out side to show us a dress in the window. It was way better, wine colored and quite elegant, imho.
The woman took us back inside and started showing us a dress magazine. She said that she was willing to take the dress down from the window, but only if Jacque really wanted it. “…because,” she said, “it is a princess dress, it costs $4,200.”
At this attempt to discourage my (**coughwealthycough**) uncle offended him. He brashly stated that he was paying for the dress and he would buy anything Jacque wanted. (Right here I must pause and explain that our family hasn’t always had enough money to buy food.) At Uncle John’s words my very snow-white sister paled. I hadn’t thought it was possible but it was clear she wanted nothing to do with a $4,200 “princess dress.”
After that store we looked through about a dozen others and found a whole lot or really expensive nothing. My Uncle got very frustrated, but the rest of us had fun.
For Thanksgiving dinner we went out to eat and had salmon. : 9
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