Immanuel Fellowship had a French dinner tonight. Marie and Judy organized it and it turned out lovely and very fun.
All the people who are taking French so that they can get around in France when we go in May were waiters. We all wore white shirts and black pants, very professional looking, just like so many of the restaurants in Paris. I think Marie did a pretty good job recreating just a little of the feel of a French restaurant. We even gave people a quick lesson in French etiquette, which ironically turned out to be my job. White table cloths, good food, candle light, and …... translation cards.
Here’s the fun part: all the tables needed French/English translation cards. None of the waiters spoke any English or Spanish. So everyone was required to order their meals, make requests, and say thank you in French. It was hilarious! I had the privilege of being a waitress and using my poor French. I absolutely refused to speak either English or Spanish to my bi-lingual table so they just had to figure out what I was saying and use their translation cards as best they could. It was crazyness! Not that anyone at my table could tell, but I tried to say everything right and I think I did a good job. Hmmm…is this the beginning of a career as a French waitress?
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Saturday, March 18, 2006
baby shower
Marie and I went to a baby shower in Colorado Springs today. Marie and I were pitifully late, like an hour. Neither of us had ever driven to Colorado Springs before. Rachel, a girl we've been friends with for a few years is having a boy. I actually haven't seen her much since she moved to Hawaii to live with her parents about three years ago. It was good to catch up a little.
Friday, March 17, 2006
sweet 18?
So today I achieved something that no other person has and I deserve a prize. I attended all three of my little sister's birthday parties. Yes, I know, I have three little sisters so it's no big deal right? Wrong. All these parties that I've been going to were all in honor of Joanie who turned eighteen today. She's had a party every Saturday for the last three weeks, it's been great. First she had a chick flick movie party, then a snowmobiling party, and now a swimming party.
Now why does this girl get three 18th birthday parties? Well, let me tell you. First of all she's just that super kind of person that has the friends and the popularity to pull off three different parties. At every party she had a completely different set of friends, I'm the only person who made it to more than one. I'm jealous. She's agreeable, easy to get along with, our arguments stay fun and happy, and she's so witty that her sense of humor frequently leaves me in helpless laughter. Joanie's also very sensitive to the pain of others; she's quite sweet when she's not being totally sassy. Obviously this is one of my favorite people to be with. Other people must think so too, very clever.
Now why does this girl get three 18th birthday parties? Well, let me tell you. First of all she's just that super kind of person that has the friends and the popularity to pull off three different parties. At every party she had a completely different set of friends, I'm the only person who made it to more than one. I'm jealous. She's agreeable, easy to get along with, our arguments stay fun and happy, and she's so witty that her sense of humor frequently leaves me in helpless laughter. Joanie's also very sensitive to the pain of others; she's quite sweet when she's not being totally sassy. Obviously this is one of my favorite people to be with. Other people must think so too, very clever.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
why do i care?
The last few months I've been challenged with a question: Why do I care? I'm not being cynical or cheeky here....well, trying not to be.
I guess a few friends don't seem too interested in being my friend anymore. I'm trying, in my own little introverted way to keep things up, but I feel a bit alone and unnoticed in my efforts. I am frustrated, I'm discouraged, and I feel like I'm so uncool that it's contagious. Hence the nagging question, why do I care?
Why do I care about the people around me? Do I genuinely love them and want to be friends? Or am I only in it for me? Do I only want them to come see a movie with me because it's lame to go alone, or do I really want to be with that person? Am I striving to be friends so that I can give to others or so that I can get? Do I invite friends in to my life for their sake or mine? Am I only friends with people to boost my own ego? Are people just numbers by which I measure my own success? Why am I trying?
The answers? I don't know. I think part of the problem is I don't feel like I have much of anything to offer.
I guess a few friends don't seem too interested in being my friend anymore. I'm trying, in my own little introverted way to keep things up, but I feel a bit alone and unnoticed in my efforts. I am frustrated, I'm discouraged, and I feel like I'm so uncool that it's contagious. Hence the nagging question, why do I care?
Why do I care about the people around me? Do I genuinely love them and want to be friends? Or am I only in it for me? Do I only want them to come see a movie with me because it's lame to go alone, or do I really want to be with that person? Am I striving to be friends so that I can give to others or so that I can get? Do I invite friends in to my life for their sake or mine? Am I only friends with people to boost my own ego? Are people just numbers by which I measure my own success? Why am I trying?
The answers? I don't know. I think part of the problem is I don't feel like I have much of anything to offer.
Friday, March 03, 2006
i finally admit it
Somewhere in the last two weeks I have finnally decided to admit it. I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I haven't for awhile, but I'm just now deciding to face the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Zippo.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
ice climbing
I know I'm late in posting, my ice climbing class ended Sunday. However, I couldn't write anything about it because my hands hurt from gripping the picks. I had no idea that a single sport could make so many muscles sore all at the same time. ;)
It was such a fun class. Thursday we went to the gym to learn to belay (basically catch the climber if they fall). Having never rock climbed I found it slightly hard to believe that with only a few tools I could catch a man falling off the gym's rock wall. The teacher proved I can by making me catch him after he climbed up and let go. That night I was also allowed to climb. Yikes. I discovered that I am more afraid of heights than I thought and that don't really trust the rope to catch me. I went and told my friend that I had climbed all the way up a rock wall for the first time. She waved it off and told me that I had only climbed the easy one. ehh....
With that pride check in mind I went to our all-day class on Saturday quite afraid that the whole thing would be one big flop. We hiked up to Chalk Creek Falls, a lovely frozen water fall in the middle of nowhere. I was awed by the beauty of it. Much to my dismay the ladies first rule was applied. It actually turned out way easier than the bit of rock climbing I did in the gym. Once I had climbed high enough to be on the vertical part, where it was too steep to hold snow, I could see through the ice I was on. It was thick but clear as glass and I could see water still rushing beneath. It was so beautiful I had to stop climbing and just stare at it. I also went up a second time and repelled down.
The second day didn't go as well for me. We went to the teacher's house where he has his own 70-foot ice wall (twice as tall as Saturday). It too was lovely, a thick tower of bluish ice with the winter sun shining through it. It also had a cave inside which reminded me of a fairly tale. However, this ice was either vertical or overhung making it much harder. My arms were already sore from the day before and after about four tries I had to stop. All of us fell so many times; it was kinda funny. Yet some of the guys did really well and could get up the whole tower. I realized their secret only after I was too burned-out to climb any more. They trusted the rope and the belayor to catch them. I wasted a lot of energy because I climbed as if no one would catch me if I fell. They guys who made it to the top also didn't stop no matter how many times they fell. The rope didn't allow them to fall far and so they'd stick their tools right back in the ice and keep going. I acted as if the rope's mercy were limited to a three falls you're out basis. Hmmm, I think I hear an analogy about trust in there somewhere......
Anyway this post is getting long, and is sadly without pictures. No worries, I'm hoping to get some up in a week or so. Oh, and we all got A's. :D
It was such a fun class. Thursday we went to the gym to learn to belay (basically catch the climber if they fall). Having never rock climbed I found it slightly hard to believe that with only a few tools I could catch a man falling off the gym's rock wall. The teacher proved I can by making me catch him after he climbed up and let go. That night I was also allowed to climb. Yikes. I discovered that I am more afraid of heights than I thought and that don't really trust the rope to catch me. I went and told my friend that I had climbed all the way up a rock wall for the first time. She waved it off and told me that I had only climbed the easy one. ehh....
With that pride check in mind I went to our all-day class on Saturday quite afraid that the whole thing would be one big flop. We hiked up to Chalk Creek Falls, a lovely frozen water fall in the middle of nowhere. I was awed by the beauty of it. Much to my dismay the ladies first rule was applied. It actually turned out way easier than the bit of rock climbing I did in the gym. Once I had climbed high enough to be on the vertical part, where it was too steep to hold snow, I could see through the ice I was on. It was thick but clear as glass and I could see water still rushing beneath. It was so beautiful I had to stop climbing and just stare at it. I also went up a second time and repelled down.
The second day didn't go as well for me. We went to the teacher's house where he has his own 70-foot ice wall (twice as tall as Saturday). It too was lovely, a thick tower of bluish ice with the winter sun shining through it. It also had a cave inside which reminded me of a fairly tale. However, this ice was either vertical or overhung making it much harder. My arms were already sore from the day before and after about four tries I had to stop. All of us fell so many times; it was kinda funny. Yet some of the guys did really well and could get up the whole tower. I realized their secret only after I was too burned-out to climb any more. They trusted the rope and the belayor to catch them. I wasted a lot of energy because I climbed as if no one would catch me if I fell. They guys who made it to the top also didn't stop no matter how many times they fell. The rope didn't allow them to fall far and so they'd stick their tools right back in the ice and keep going. I acted as if the rope's mercy were limited to a three falls you're out basis. Hmmm, I think I hear an analogy about trust in there somewhere......
Anyway this post is getting long, and is sadly without pictures. No worries, I'm hoping to get some up in a week or so. Oh, and we all got A's. :D
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
single awareness day
Happy single awareness day! This is a wonderful day of the year….especially if you’re single…..especially if you live in the United States where every obscure holiday is over-commercialized to the point of being obnoxious. By the end of the day you’re ready to say “bah humbug” the next married person who wishes you a “Happy Valentine’s Day.” I so wanted to make fun of the guy who was desperate enough to ask me out while I was shopping for dinner in the grocery store but I felt a twinge of pity so I made a dumb excuse instead.
Despite my scrooge-like attitude I had a good day. Work was nice and calm. I ate chocolate. I got together with some friends to pray. I suppose also got every single girl’s dream for the evening…..
That’s right I spent Valentine’s evening not with one but six athletic, single guys my age. Turns out I’m the only girl in my college who wanted to take Beginning Ice Climbing this semester. :s Petite little me with no climbing experience in an ice climbing class with seven guys (one married) who can all already at least rock climb. What was I thinking? Can anyone say awkward?
Oh, well. I seem to enjoy jumping in slightly over my head. This will be interesting…..
Despite my scrooge-like attitude I had a good day. Work was nice and calm. I ate chocolate. I got together with some friends to pray. I suppose also got every single girl’s dream for the evening…..
That’s right I spent Valentine’s evening not with one but six athletic, single guys my age. Turns out I’m the only girl in my college who wanted to take Beginning Ice Climbing this semester. :s Petite little me with no climbing experience in an ice climbing class with seven guys (one married) who can all already at least rock climb. What was I thinking? Can anyone say awkward?
Oh, well. I seem to enjoy jumping in slightly over my head. This will be interesting…..
Saturday, February 11, 2006
happy 19
Today is Jacque's 19th birthday. Her last year of teenagerhood. :0 :0 She had a great birthday party last night with all her fellow teenmaniacs. Someone else's mom threw her and her daughter a party. A couple of weeks ago she also got her hair cut short. She's sooo cute. :D :D
Today we also finally finished the redecoration of the prayerroom. The housechurch that meets on Thursdays came to help. We probably wouldn’t be done yet if it wasn’t for all their help. It looks so good. Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures just yet, but I'm very tired now. I’ll try to get some up later. :D
Today we also finally finished the redecoration of the prayerroom. The housechurch that meets on Thursdays came to help. We probably wouldn’t be done yet if it wasn’t for all their help. It looks so good. Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures just yet, but I'm very tired now. I’ll try to get some up later. :D
Saturday, February 04, 2006
luther
A bunch of people got together and watched the movie Luther tonight, the movie about Martin Luther. I really like this movie. I like studying the people in history who did things totally unprecedented. Their courage is so admirable whether they are a scientist, inventor, social worker, reformer, or missionary. They stand facing an impossible wall of what’s never been done before, they count the cost of change, and they go for it despite the doubt.
I especially like Martin Luther. He could’ve been killed for what he believed. When he was on trial for heresy he was told to recant. His answer was unless you can prove to me, from the scriptures, that I have erred I will not recant. Here I stand, I can do no other. That’s one of my favorite lines in history: “Here I stand, I can do no other.”
As I watched Luther with my friends I noticed something interesting. The movie was not made by a Christian film company. They did their research well, and the story was pretty accurate, but it’s the way they portrayed Martin as a priest that impressed me.
When Martin accepts the position he’s struggling with his faith. While he’s there he studies the Bible and his faith comes alive. Meanwhile as a priest he does his best to help those entrusted to him. He tenderly helps the poor and those who are either confused about God or trapped by religious fears. Loving people and seeking the truth are more important to him than the traditions of his time. He also preaches hope and freedom to people who’ve been caught in a performance-oriented religion. He also will not compromise what he believes even when faced with death. Yet Martin struggles just like anyone; he’s not a perfect saint.
I’m thinking, is this the Christianity that the world is looking for? Honest hunger for truth, no compromise, sincere love for everyone including those who make mistakes, a gentle confidence when speaking the truth, and a message of hope rather than of condemnation? Is that what the world wants? This really isn’t the “relevancy” that much of the church seems to strive for. His stand was that of no compromise. However, there is love, understanding, hope, and sensitivity that cut through any barrier.
Interesting, I read so much talk in the church on how to be relevant. Maybe the world doesn’t want relevance. Maybe it just wants sincerity, gentleness, truth, hope, and love. Really, that’s the heart of what we should be anyway.
I especially like Martin Luther. He could’ve been killed for what he believed. When he was on trial for heresy he was told to recant. His answer was unless you can prove to me, from the scriptures, that I have erred I will not recant. Here I stand, I can do no other. That’s one of my favorite lines in history: “Here I stand, I can do no other.”
As I watched Luther with my friends I noticed something interesting. The movie was not made by a Christian film company. They did their research well, and the story was pretty accurate, but it’s the way they portrayed Martin as a priest that impressed me.
When Martin accepts the position he’s struggling with his faith. While he’s there he studies the Bible and his faith comes alive. Meanwhile as a priest he does his best to help those entrusted to him. He tenderly helps the poor and those who are either confused about God or trapped by religious fears. Loving people and seeking the truth are more important to him than the traditions of his time. He also preaches hope and freedom to people who’ve been caught in a performance-oriented religion. He also will not compromise what he believes even when faced with death. Yet Martin struggles just like anyone; he’s not a perfect saint.
I’m thinking, is this the Christianity that the world is looking for? Honest hunger for truth, no compromise, sincere love for everyone including those who make mistakes, a gentle confidence when speaking the truth, and a message of hope rather than of condemnation? Is that what the world wants? This really isn’t the “relevancy” that much of the church seems to strive for. His stand was that of no compromise. However, there is love, understanding, hope, and sensitivity that cut through any barrier.
Interesting, I read so much talk in the church on how to be relevant. Maybe the world doesn’t want relevance. Maybe it just wants sincerity, gentleness, truth, hope, and love. Really, that’s the heart of what we should be anyway.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
crazy week
Ok, this week has been rather insane at work and so I would like to tell the world. It's been an exciting week at work. Now since I work at a children's clinic excitement would be a bad thing. A very, very bad thing
Monday: The morning was packed, every available appointment was taken. Dr. Chris however, never turns down a sick child. So at the beginning of our lunch we saw a three week old baby that was sick. Brett, the nurse's assistent, went to check the baby in. He noticed that the baby had turned grey and was barely moving. He got the nurse. That baby's oxygen was at 64! (For those of you who don't know, brian damage can happen when it get's as low as 90.) So they put the baby on oxygen, discovered it had RSV (same aweful thing I had last couple of weeks, very dangerous in kids that young) and called an ambulance to take the baby boy to the Children's Hospital in Denver. As soon as they left we had a head injury on an eleven year old boy come in. He had somehow managed to smack himself in the head with a shovel. How he accomplished this I can only guess. The mom said his eye dialated but it fortunately wasn't as seirous as she thought. Then we got a call that the ambulance with that baby had turned around before it got to Denver, which means that something went majorly wrong. We were all worried and praying because we thought that the baby was going to die.
Tuesday: Also very full. We found out that the baby lived and that after bringing it back to our hospital to stableize it they finally took it to the hospital in Denver. It's now in ICU (intensive care unit) on a ventelator (breathing machine) they don't yet know when that baby will be out. If you think of it pray for that family, for that little baby to get all the way better, they are new parents and probably quite freaked out, and ventelators are very expensive. About lunch today we had another injury walk in. A seven year old boy slipped on the ice, cracked his nose and punctured his lip. Yikes, there was a good bit of blood so we moved things around to get him in right away.
Wednesday: We saw 29 people in five hours. I was at work from 8h - 19h. It was crazyness and insanity times five. RSV, flu, and a nasty little stomach bug, have hit Summit pretty hard this year. RSV is more contageous than the flu if that gives you any idea. Half the church has had it this month. The first hour we were open we had to see eight people in an hour. (We only have four rooms so four people in an hour is considered busy, but Chris never turns down a sick kid.) The first three kids who came in all tested positve for RSV (extra nasty chest cold and a few other yucky symtoms), one we sent to the hospital and the other two got brething treatments and oxygen. All this respitory stuff is made much worse for the little kids when you throw in the fact that we are at 9,000 feet above sea level and there's less oxygen in the air so more kids require oxygen when they get sick.
Usually I work to the sounds of angry/hurt screams in the background of kids who do NOT want to get shots. Having grown up in a daycare my mom ran I'm pretty good at consentrating with a high noise level. This week the background noise at the clinic has been totally different. It's much quieter. The children don't feel well enough to scream at the sight of the doctor. It's all the most pitiful noises children can make. Weak, half-hearted crying, coughing, wet coughing, dry coughing, very weak coughing, and a lot of bad wheezing. It makes me want to cry.
Monday: The morning was packed, every available appointment was taken. Dr. Chris however, never turns down a sick child. So at the beginning of our lunch we saw a three week old baby that was sick. Brett, the nurse's assistent, went to check the baby in. He noticed that the baby had turned grey and was barely moving. He got the nurse. That baby's oxygen was at 64! (For those of you who don't know, brian damage can happen when it get's as low as 90.) So they put the baby on oxygen, discovered it had RSV (same aweful thing I had last couple of weeks, very dangerous in kids that young) and called an ambulance to take the baby boy to the Children's Hospital in Denver. As soon as they left we had a head injury on an eleven year old boy come in. He had somehow managed to smack himself in the head with a shovel. How he accomplished this I can only guess. The mom said his eye dialated but it fortunately wasn't as seirous as she thought. Then we got a call that the ambulance with that baby had turned around before it got to Denver, which means that something went majorly wrong. We were all worried and praying because we thought that the baby was going to die.
Tuesday: Also very full. We found out that the baby lived and that after bringing it back to our hospital to stableize it they finally took it to the hospital in Denver. It's now in ICU (intensive care unit) on a ventelator (breathing machine) they don't yet know when that baby will be out. If you think of it pray for that family, for that little baby to get all the way better, they are new parents and probably quite freaked out, and ventelators are very expensive. About lunch today we had another injury walk in. A seven year old boy slipped on the ice, cracked his nose and punctured his lip. Yikes, there was a good bit of blood so we moved things around to get him in right away.
Wednesday: We saw 29 people in five hours. I was at work from 8h - 19h. It was crazyness and insanity times five. RSV, flu, and a nasty little stomach bug, have hit Summit pretty hard this year. RSV is more contageous than the flu if that gives you any idea. Half the church has had it this month. The first hour we were open we had to see eight people in an hour. (We only have four rooms so four people in an hour is considered busy, but Chris never turns down a sick kid.) The first three kids who came in all tested positve for RSV (extra nasty chest cold and a few other yucky symtoms), one we sent to the hospital and the other two got brething treatments and oxygen. All this respitory stuff is made much worse for the little kids when you throw in the fact that we are at 9,000 feet above sea level and there's less oxygen in the air so more kids require oxygen when they get sick.
Usually I work to the sounds of angry/hurt screams in the background of kids who do NOT want to get shots. Having grown up in a daycare my mom ran I'm pretty good at consentrating with a high noise level. This week the background noise at the clinic has been totally different. It's much quieter. The children don't feel well enough to scream at the sight of the doctor. It's all the most pitiful noises children can make. Weak, half-hearted crying, coughing, wet coughing, dry coughing, very weak coughing, and a lot of bad wheezing. It makes me want to cry.
Monday, January 23, 2006
very happy
I just finished my first art class for this semester! I've wanted to be an artist as long as I can remeber. Art Class has always been my favorite. However, having homeschooled most of my life I haven't had much opportunity to. Very sad. :( But now I'm taking art for a whole semester and each class lasts three hours. I'm so happy I could bounce off the walls! This class is going to be so cool. First upon looking at everyone else's work I have discovered that they are all better than me. I'll be way more challenged in this class than usual. (Usually I'm at the top and my pride gets stroked a lot which causes it to undertake spasmotic growth spurts, not good.) Also, we can work on whatever we want, in whatever media. So I can just do whatever I want and get feedback from a room full of people more talented than me. This is exciting. The teacher will help me get better at whatever I want to get better at. Oh the posibilities, and only one semester!
**floats away on happy cloud
**floats away on happy cloud
Sunday, January 22, 2006
story of grace
Today begins a new chapter in what I hope someday we will all look back on as a story of grace. Today a brother and a sister who left Immanuel Fellowship over a year ago due to a lot relational problems that were piling up came back. It's been quite tense between them and a lot of people. Today they came and he got up and apologized for the way he'd hurt some people and said that they want to be a part again. They've looked but haven't found any other chruch that is like a family. Mike called the man's wife up front as well. He was hugging them and about to pray for the couple but he never got the chance. Erick put his gutar down and stepped off the stage to give them a wlecoming hug. Pat, Todd, and Tammy were right behind him. Then suddenly most of the people in the church (everyone who knew them) went to the front to join in what had spontaneously become a group hug. Lots of crying and welcoming words. We've missed them. God please let this be a story of grace on all our parts. Heal the hurts on both sides. Give us the grace to forgive all and love freely again.
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Patty & Justin
Today is the wedding of two of my friends, Patty and Justin. (Hence the title of today's post.) It was a nice little wedding, sort and sweet with a long reception afterwards. The extra cool part was that Patty's older brother Bobby got to preform the ceremony and prononce them man and wife. He was so excited to do it and said all these great big-brotherly things to both of them. Then the parents came up to pray for the new couple. It was sweet.
P.S. It's an odd thing being a single twenty-something. I'm that age where all my friends seem to be getting married. I'm losing count. Not that it really makes me want to rush out and get married any time soon. It's just odd.
P.S. It's an odd thing being a single twenty-something. I'm that age where all my friends seem to be getting married. I'm losing count. Not that it really makes me want to rush out and get married any time soon. It's just odd.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
my map
Look what I found on Gordon's blog. It's so cool. Go make your own, it's fun. ;)
create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands
create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands
Saturday, January 14, 2006
failed
I’ve been sick this week. I got sent home from work, and I’m still not well enough to go back yet. Whatever I have leaves me wired so that I can’t get to sleep very easily. It’s been a good time to read.
For Christmas I got a book called Safely Home. It’s a fictional book about two roommates who are reunited in China after 20 years. The American has become a successful businessman, the other returned to China and gave up his dreams so that he could serve Jesus there. The book is very well researched and it’s one of those that’s very hard to put down. I’m beginning to think I should have put it on my seven best books list I made a few days ago.
At the same time it’s kind of a painful read for me. It’s already made me cry twice and I‘m little over half-way through. (I can count on one hand the books that have made me cry.) When I was a teen I read the book Jesus Freaks, a collection of true stories of people who’ve died for their faith. It inspired me to want to give everything for Jesus, even to be willing to die. I knew that as a Westerner it was not very likely that I would ever be on the wrong end of a gun with someone commanding me to deny Jesus. I knew it was unlikely that I would ever be beaten or see any of my friends killed for Jesus’ name. Unlikely, but not impossible. Yet even if I never faced such a test I prayed for the love to be able to. After all, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If that kind of love is impossible for a Westerner who may never face such tests, than God wouldn’t have asked it. He asked it, so there must be a way even in the relative safety of my country. It was one of my most frequent prayers.
If the last couple years have been a test than I’ve failed miserably. I have lost for taking a stand and choosing not to be swayed or turned from where I feel God has called me to be. Have I lost everything? There have been moments of self-pity where I have thought so. In reality, no I have not come near to losing everything. Some relationships have changed or been lost which has hurt. Looking back I have not been the hero I had spent so much time praying I’d be. I have not suffered loss joyful to be worthy of suffering for Jesus. About as far as you could go in the opposite direction actually. I haven’t quit or run away, but that’s God’s doing, not mine. It’s been a very discouraging discovery that I would not have what it takes.
However, the book is also very encouraging. The Chinese man, Li Quan, was the son of an illegal pastor. He too faced a test and failed. His father was imprisoned and killed for his faith, his mother died in an earthquake. He became an atheist. Amazingly he gets the opportunity to go to college in America where his roommate is a Christian. Li Quan is reunited with the Jesus his parents gave all to serve. He goes back to China after college and is imprisoned many times for his faith. Speaking of Quan someone in the book states that, “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward. But properly learned, the lesson forever changes the man.” Though Li Quan’s actions are heroic in my book, he is scared when he’s about to be beaten and he never claims to be a brave man. He is human. Though he still feels the guilt of abandoning his parents as they suffered, he does his best with his second chance. If you asked Quan if he has what it takes to face the persecution he faces, he would proabably say no. He'd say that it's Jesus who keeps him going. Li Quan failed but the world didn't end there and so I’ll be praying that prayer again.....
For Christmas I got a book called Safely Home. It’s a fictional book about two roommates who are reunited in China after 20 years. The American has become a successful businessman, the other returned to China and gave up his dreams so that he could serve Jesus there. The book is very well researched and it’s one of those that’s very hard to put down. I’m beginning to think I should have put it on my seven best books list I made a few days ago.
At the same time it’s kind of a painful read for me. It’s already made me cry twice and I‘m little over half-way through. (I can count on one hand the books that have made me cry.) When I was a teen I read the book Jesus Freaks, a collection of true stories of people who’ve died for their faith. It inspired me to want to give everything for Jesus, even to be willing to die. I knew that as a Westerner it was not very likely that I would ever be on the wrong end of a gun with someone commanding me to deny Jesus. I knew it was unlikely that I would ever be beaten or see any of my friends killed for Jesus’ name. Unlikely, but not impossible. Yet even if I never faced such a test I prayed for the love to be able to. After all, Jesus said that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If that kind of love is impossible for a Westerner who may never face such tests, than God wouldn’t have asked it. He asked it, so there must be a way even in the relative safety of my country. It was one of my most frequent prayers.
If the last couple years have been a test than I’ve failed miserably. I have lost for taking a stand and choosing not to be swayed or turned from where I feel God has called me to be. Have I lost everything? There have been moments of self-pity where I have thought so. In reality, no I have not come near to losing everything. Some relationships have changed or been lost which has hurt. Looking back I have not been the hero I had spent so much time praying I’d be. I have not suffered loss joyful to be worthy of suffering for Jesus. About as far as you could go in the opposite direction actually. I haven’t quit or run away, but that’s God’s doing, not mine. It’s been a very discouraging discovery that I would not have what it takes.
However, the book is also very encouraging. The Chinese man, Li Quan, was the son of an illegal pastor. He too faced a test and failed. His father was imprisoned and killed for his faith, his mother died in an earthquake. He became an atheist. Amazingly he gets the opportunity to go to college in America where his roommate is a Christian. Li Quan is reunited with the Jesus his parents gave all to serve. He goes back to China after college and is imprisoned many times for his faith. Speaking of Quan someone in the book states that, “Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterward. But properly learned, the lesson forever changes the man.” Though Li Quan’s actions are heroic in my book, he is scared when he’s about to be beaten and he never claims to be a brave man. He is human. Though he still feels the guilt of abandoning his parents as they suffered, he does his best with his second chance. If you asked Quan if he has what it takes to face the persecution he faces, he would proabably say no. He'd say that it's Jesus who keeps him going. Li Quan failed but the world didn't end there and so I’ll be praying that prayer again.....
Saturday, January 07, 2006
giving blood
Today I gave blood. It's only the second time I've done it. I like donating blood. It's fun and I get to be someone's hero, what more could a girl ask for on a beautiful Saturday afternoon? :p
It took me less than ten minutes to give a pint of blood. The woman said my bleeding speed was a steady nine on a scale of one to nine. I'm proud of my skills.
......must be why it hurt so much more this time. :(
It took me less than ten minutes to give a pint of blood. The woman said my bleeding speed was a steady nine on a scale of one to nine. I'm proud of my skills.
......must be why it hurt so much more this time. :(
Friday, January 06, 2006
seven
things to do before I die
1. go to Antarctica
2. live in London
3. learn to speak with a proper British accent
4. successfully smuggle Bibles
5. learn to speak French
6. go on a medical mission trip
7. go to Alaska
things I cannot do
1. be somewhere I don’t feel wanted
2. focus for more than five minutes
3. trust a guy who has a crush on me
4. speak French understandably
5. stay calm when I’m really excited
6. watch people hurt other people
7. drink coffee and like it
things I say most often
1. go away! (while laughing)
2. I don’t know
3. grrrrr
4. boys! arg.....
5. we can take my car
6. brilliant
7. I’m sorry, could you repeat that, I quit paying attention there.....
books I love
1. the Bible
2. Till we Have Faces
3. A Tale of Three Kings
4. Quo Vidas
5. A Chance to Die
6. Red Moon Rising
7. The Vision
movies I could watch over and over
1. Narnia
2. The Runaway Bride
3. Batman Begins
4. Chicken Run
5. Starwars
6. The Neverending Story
7. X-Men
people to do this next
1. Jacque
I can’t think of anyone else who hasn’t already done this.....
Sunday, January 01, 2006
New Year
Today I moved into my new room. I'm still at the Simon's house but no longer in the laundry room. Now I have a real bedroom with a lock on the door and windows. I have a bathroom and access to the kitchen. Good way to start the new year.
And what about 2005? It was an incredibly hard year for me. It's easy to look at the negatives but I need to make some space for the good. They say you learn a lot through hard times. What did I learn? Hmmmm.....
And what about 2005? It was an incredibly hard year for me. It's easy to look at the negatives but I need to make some space for the good. They say you learn a lot through hard times. What did I learn? Hmmmm.....
- I finished reading through the Bible for the second time. It's amazing how much just reading the Bible helps; even when there are no great flashes of revelaton there's still something there.
- "For He [God] knows our frame, He remembers that we are but dust." - Psalm 103:14. I think I'm am slowly learning this one. God does not expect me to be a super-saint. He knows that I am human, weak, dust, and He is not up there demanding what I am incapeable of giving.
- "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with loving kindness." - Jeremiah 31:3 I think I understand this verse on a much deeper level as well. God's love is everlasting. A song we used to sing says "Your love is deeper than my view of grace, higher than this worldly place, longer than this road I travel, wider than the gap You've filled." I can never run out of it. Funny, this time last year I was so sure I was on the edge of running out of love and mercy. Betsie ten Boom said, "There is no pit so deep that His love is not deeper still." Jesus stands above all gods in that He alone has the power to come to us and hold us no matter where we are; all other gods are too weak, they require us to come to them.
- "For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may recieve mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:15-16. One of my friends has reminded me of this a few times. Even when no one else understands Jesus understands. He walks with me and fells my pain every bit as intensly as I do. He holds me and crys with me like no one else ever could.
- "You have taken account of my wanderings; put my tears in Your bottle. Are they not in Your book?" - Psalm 56:8. It's very hard for me to cry. Somehow I've learned to think it's an aweful, shameful thing. People used to laugh at me a lot when I was little and would cry. Then I learned not to let people see it. This year I've learned that God doesn't scoff at my pain. It's precious to Him. I'm free to cry with God.
- Jesus is the "author and perfecter" of my faith, not me (Hebrews 12:2). It's not my job to force spiritual maturity out of myself. I'm still trying to figure this one out. Where's the ballance between laziness and trying to be the potter? How do I let Jesus be author and still do my part? I am thinking that not as much of it is up to me as I thought.
- I think I've also learned to rely on the friends God has put in my life and admit my own weakness more.
Not that I'm all that great at any of these things. They're just areas I'm begging to see changes in. Hopefully it keeps going.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Emmanuel - God with us
“From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Savior to the human race….”
This is a Christmas song that Immanuel Fellowship sings. It goes through the entire life of Jesus, “King of Heaven now the friend of sinners, humble servant in the Father’s hands.” The song goes as far as His death, “He fights for breath, He fights for me,” and even to His second coming, “But the skies will part as the trumpet sounds.”
I think this is my favorite Christmas song. Though, I can’t remember all the words, I tried to give a good picture of it. I like it because so many songs we sing focus only on the baby in a manger yet this one goes through His whole life and purpose to save us.
This year I’ve really been struck by God’s passion to save humanity. Just the fact that He came to earth humbly, as a child shows His love. God could’ve come any way He wanted but He came as a servant. I don’t know why but this Christmas for the first time it’s struck me how much more gentle and loving it was of God to come humbly and live among us rather than sweeping down in a chariot of fire and showing us His glory in an unmistakable way.
It so awesome, because He’s God so He already knows everything, I’m sure that included knowing what it’s like to be human. However, He loves us enough to actually want to experience it with us. My favorite part of the song says, “Yes He walked my road and He felt my pain, joys and sorrows that I know so well; yet His righteous steps give me hope again – I will follow my Emmanuel.”
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Savior to the human race….”
This is a Christmas song that Immanuel Fellowship sings. It goes through the entire life of Jesus, “King of Heaven now the friend of sinners, humble servant in the Father’s hands.” The song goes as far as His death, “He fights for breath, He fights for me,” and even to His second coming, “But the skies will part as the trumpet sounds.”
I think this is my favorite Christmas song. Though, I can’t remember all the words, I tried to give a good picture of it. I like it because so many songs we sing focus only on the baby in a manger yet this one goes through His whole life and purpose to save us.
This year I’ve really been struck by God’s passion to save humanity. Just the fact that He came to earth humbly, as a child shows His love. God could’ve come any way He wanted but He came as a servant. I don’t know why but this Christmas for the first time it’s struck me how much more gentle and loving it was of God to come humbly and live among us rather than sweeping down in a chariot of fire and showing us His glory in an unmistakable way.
It so awesome, because He’s God so He already knows everything, I’m sure that included knowing what it’s like to be human. However, He loves us enough to actually want to experience it with us. My favorite part of the song says, “Yes He walked my road and He felt my pain, joys and sorrows that I know so well; yet His righteous steps give me hope again – I will follow my Emmanuel.”
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