camping

One of my favorite times of year just passed: Immanuel Fellowship's annual camping trip. I really like camping. It's so relaxing in a mildly adventurous sort of way. I love being out in nature 24/7.

As always, it was a very nice break from the world of jobs and school. I spent most of my time this year with Marie, Mike, Mark, and Sacha. Mark has been freinds with Mike since highschool. Sacha is his daughter. They are super fun to hang out with and they make me very hyper. Probably because they laugh when I'm trying to be funny. (I need that.) I laugh at everyone's jokes so I return the favor. ;)

God showed me a lot of things on this camping trip. Mark shared about suffering and God's love. It was really good. I hadden't thought about how the two go together. I realized that God has been teaching me this, I just hadden't noticed yet. The things he talked about made me cry (luckily where I was I could turn my head so no one would see). This would be only the second time I've cried during a church gathering. Didn't want to get caught. :p

God also showed me some things about relationships because Mike shared about that one night. (Too secret to tell.) And of course the anual orienteering race. Always fun. Mike put a four-hour time limit on it this year, probably because my team took seven hours last year and worried everyone. Anyway, grand as always, never a dissapointment.

bubbles

I just found the coolest thing: Virtual Bubbles. Remember that bubble-wrap stuff you used to stomp on when you were a kid? Well, now those of us luky enough to live in the Information Age can play with the stuff online! You can get it here, enjoy. : )

spanglish

Marie, Magali, and I got together this morning to read to each other. We read Psalms 1,2, and 3. Magali, who's first language is Spanish, read to us in English, and we read to her in Spanish. We're trying to help each other learn to read our second languages better. Marie and I definitely have the easier side of it! Written English is so confusing. Whoever came up with the rules for writing and reading English ought to be ashamed of themselves. Spanish, on the other hand, is very nice. All the words look on paper just like they sound, and the language seems to follow it's own rules better. We ran into quite a few hard-to-pronounce words in both languages. It was great laughing at ourselves and our languages. English spelling, arg.....

Anyway, I stayed at Magali's house after Marie left for work. Since we're fairly close to the same level of proficiency in each other's languages we had a great conversation in Spanglish. (I really enjoy mixing languages in a conversation. Though, I admit the reason I enjoy mixing is probably because the only language I'm truly fluent in is English.) We talked for a couple of hours about what we see God doing in Immanuel Fellowship, how He answers prayers, and God's faithfulness. We are both seeing a deeper desire in everyone to serve. It's much easier to get help moving, putting together a dinner, help with the soup kitchen, or whatever than it was a year or two ago. I've heard other people say the same sort of things. A lot of people in the church have been through some hard things the last few years and are coming out more mature. There's this deepening hunger to follow God. A lot of it is in answer to prayers. Magali prays for the church a lot, she always has. I also used to spend a lot of time praying for us as a church. It was really encouraging hearing her talk about all the prayers she is seeing answered. Magali says that God never forgets and He's always faithful. I'm reminded of many I've seen answered too. It's humbling....

Not that everything's all roses around here. However, I think God is slowly teaching me that life will always be a mixed bag, and I can't disregard the beauty of the roses because I get pricked by a thorne. As I left Magali's house today I felt so encouraged to trust God with everything in my life and to pray and seek how we can serve Him more as a church. I hope someday God makes me like that, and when people are done talking to me they leave wanting to know and serve God better.

unhindered 2006

Well as usual Unhindered did not disappoint. I always feel like I come away with fresh vision, and new hope that God actually can use me. I think this is my favorite of the yearly events we have as a church.

Friday Mike talked about dying to ourselves. Unfortunately, I had a long, tense day on Friday. My mind was quite gone so I just ran the soundboard and didn’t hear much of it. I’ll have to get this one downloaded onto my ipod and try again. :s

Saturday was great. I watched Veggie Tales with the kids during the morning session, went on a hike in the rain, and practiced for the drama we had planned.

Isaac spoke for the first part of the evening. He talked about being in the world but not of it, and about the balance between engaging the world and having friends outside the church and just blending in with everyone else and losing your saltiness. What Isaac shared kept me on the edge of my seat because he spoke more clearly on it than I think I’ve ever heard anyone do. He gave us two very good questions to ask ourselves. When was the last time I had a significant spiritual conversation with someone outside of the church? When was the last time someone hated me because of Jesus? I liked how he said to ask the two together, we can’t be off in our own world and leave the lost to rot, however we have to be salt and light and Jesus said people would hate us because of Him. I can’t quite explain it but the two questions make me feel both more responsible to reach out and freer to be myself and be real about my relationship with Jesus. I really hope this will translate to my friends at school and at work.

Then we did the Obsession drama. It’s a bit hard to explain if you haven’t seen it; it integrates spoken lines, dance, and video, all set to the song Obsession by Delirious?. It’s about wanting to follow Jesus, settling for no less than real commitment to all that means, and being willing to suffer for Him. This drama always impacts me. Strangely the impact of it always comes during the actual performance, when I’m saying my lines and really meaning them (during practice I’m only acting) and praying that God would truly make the message of the drama the cry of my heart.

After this we had a time of silence so that people could silently talk with God about the drama. (This one always hits hard.) Then Joel stepped up because it was his turn to speak. I couldn’t imagine what he would say to follow up on the drama. He started talking about the Holy Spirit and how we need Him to fill our lives if we want to reach the world. We need the change He brings and His guidance if we are going to live any of what we’ve been talking about. Joel has one of the most gentle and sincere speaking styles I’ve heard. Though he speaks loud enough, he has this way of drawing you in like a whisper does. For the second time Saturday I was on the edge of my seat. This is something God’s been saying to me for awhile - since I was in Paris. We ended the night all sitting on the floor at the front quietly praying for each other and asking God to help us give Him all the things that hold us back from Him. It wasn’t a planned time, it just sort of happened when Mike said that he felt like four or five of us needed prayer and practically everyone came up.

Today Mike talked about spiritual disciplines and how to continue in what God had spoken to us. We prayed that God would help us live what we learned and talked about this weekend. We also prayed for the elections happening in Mexico today and that God would bless that nation with a wise president who can help strengthen that country and lead it forward.

asking

God told me something cool this week.

So I used to believe that God wanted to be close to me more than I wanted to be close to Him. So I knew that if I prayed and asked Him to bring me close and to teach me who He is He would. I prayed this prayer and I saw God do it. When I was a teenager and I heard people saying they wanted a better relationship with God, that's what I'd tell them to do too.

Well the last couple of years have been rather hard, and I think I quit believing that. It's easy to feel like I've gone hopelessly backwards. Very frustrating feeling. But (hurray!) in May God was so amazing! He helped me through a lot of the struggles I was having with Him. Questions remain, but I am no longer feeling crippled by them.

So what did God tell me this week? I was asking Him to restore what we had. Then He reminded me that He still wants to be close, and He values the friendship we had when I was 18. He reminded me that He has the power to change my heart and bring me close again and let me know Him in a new and deeper way. I'm so excited. :D My relationship with God used to be so real and amazing, and it will be again.

God help me drop anything that would hold me back from chasing You...

church, school & work

Basically at the moment the only things in my life are church, school, and work, but someone requested I post so I'll try. I guess with fame there is a public to please. :p

So as a church things seem to going pretty well at the moment. People are pretty envisioned for missions since our trip to France. It was great seeing people pulling together on both sides of the Atlantic to pray for France and seek God's heart for that nation. We have a guest from Saint-Germain staying with us now, Pierre-Elie. You can see his picture here. Well, technically he's staying with the Phillips but is is also a guest of the whole church. It's been fun hanging out with him. We're also getting ready for our Unhindered, our annual missions conference. (Conference is not the right word exactly, it feels more like a retreat except we stay in Frisco.) I'm excited about this year, it sounds like it's going to be good as usual. I always come away from Unhindered very envisioned to live my faith in a deeper way. Personally, this is the yearly Immanuel Fellowship event where God always speaks the most to me.

School, well I'm taking eight credits this summer (and working full time so the blog may end up taking a back seat, I'm busier than I was expecting to be) I'm taking speech, humanities 1, and a landscape painting class. So far I'm really liking humanities and art class. I've never felt very good at doing landscapes and so I tend to get bored with them. However, I feel like I'm getting much better at painting in this class. I'm a bit surprised because I didn't have much painting experience at all. It makes me really want to make a career out of art, I like it so much. I really need to decide what it is I'm going to college for, and what I want to study.....but that's a whole new post.

Work is the same as always. I was a secretary when I was 16 and I was so bored that I promised myself that I'd never do it again and here I am doing it. I paid more than Gap and had better benefits, so what can I say, single girl's gotta make a living. I'm a bit frustrated because I've almost been here a year and I'm still constantly messing up. Office work is not my nitch in life. I feel like more trouble than I'm worth, but fortunately the doctor I work for never fires anyone so I guess I'm not going anywhere.

So, to the person who requested that I post, there's my life for the summer, going fairly well I'd say. No worries, I'll try to make time for blogging; I rather like it. ;)

((I'd like to thank all three readers of my blog, and whoever left that comment, you make me feel loved.))

i did not die

I have wonderful news: I did not die in speech class last night. Surprised? Not half as much as I am.

Let me explain, speech class has been my arch nemesis since I was twelve and it was a required class in the private school I attended part time for three years. It was required every year without mercy. Being the super-shy kid with hideously crooked teeth that I was .... well you can imagine, it was my worst nightmare all year long. 8(

As bad as making speeches actually are there is one kind of speech that stands far below the rest and that is telling my life story. Or telling my testimony, as we Christians like to call it. Arg, I do despise it. Every single time it very bad, really boring, and quite embarrassing. (Okay, so once it went alright but that was a one-time freak occurrence.) I definitely freak-out more telling my own life story than when I talk about anything else.

So today's assignment was to tell about ourselves - to a room full of strangers. (Icky it's bad enough doing it with people I know.) Well maybe I cheated a little because I just told a short story about when I was on a mission trip to Hong Kong. Even so, I completely quit breathing just practicing in the hallway. Not a good sign. I did a little better during the actual speech; I was careful to pause and breath. Though I did everything else wrong; breathing kept me from passing out.

may in paris

Yes, I know, I've been a bad blogger. In my defense I spent the month of May in Paris with very limited time on a computer. It was a great computer - free month. ;)

I was very nervous about going on this trip. Last year was the hardest trip I had ever been on. I really hadn't even wanted to go to France at all this year, but I felt like God was asking me to so I went with many frightened little prayers.

Last year the few of us who went felt led to a suburb of Paris called Saint-Germain-en-Leye to pray. That was our goal this year: to learn about the area and pray for it. Surprisingly Mike ended up meeting some people in the area before the trip even started. A struggling pastor, and a family that caught the vision to pray with us. We have been told over and over on previous trips to France that the French are very closed to Americans and closed to churches that are not part of a larger, very well established organization. Two counts against us. However, we had a lot of friendships with French people just drop in our laps. The last week we were there we were invited into three different homes. We have way more friends than anyone expected. Very cool. God also connected us with people who knew the history of the area. This allowed us to pray much more specifically than we expected. We prayer-walked on every street and around every school.

While we were in France Stephanie came to visit us. Stephanie is a Swiss girl who's been working as a nanny in Summit County and teaching French classes for those of us in Immanuel Fellowship who went to France. She's become friends with a lot of people in the church. Marie and Mike (two of the better French speakers) have been talking to her about Jesus for a long time before the trip, she was very interested but knew it meant a commitment and change. While she was visiting us she gave her life to Jesus. It was amazing to see because we'd all been praying for her for months.

As for me, God spoke to me more on this trip than any other ever. I filled as much space in my journal in this month as I had over the eight months before the trip. I think I'll look back on this month as a huge turning point in my spiritual walk. So much happened. But if I start writing on that this post will get ridiculously long. ;)

prom

I went to Kremmling today and helped get my sister all dolled up for prom. She looked soooo gorgeous. Her dress ($7 from the salvation army, very cool) was floor length, white, and navy, an elegant combination. I put her curly hair in an updo and did her make up light, cause she's a natural beauty. :D :D :D (Oh my sad fate, I cannot post a picture because my camera is ancient.)

Joanie's going with a bunch of her friends and is eating in the lovely restaurant where Bobby very romantically proposed to Brianna and she gets to ride in a limmo. Somebody get the poparazzi on this girl.

trusting & tithing

I ran today. Running always helps me think, pray, get things back in perspective, listen to God, and trust Him.

Some thoughts.

I was once upon a time very good at tithing. (Giving 10% of all my money to God.) I thought I was pretty good at believing the Biblical principal that if I did this God would bless it. Well adult life is....harder than I had anticipated. I tithed faithfully right up till I became fully independent of my parents in January. Suddenly along with rent and phone I was also paying for both health and car insurance.

Arg. I had looked forward to the thought of being so "grown up" but it took about two days for the rosyness to be utterly annihilated. Anyway my faithfulness to tithe sputtered down to not much. I began paying bills first and then giving God my leftovers. :s This, I'm realizing, was not a good idea. Though I now have a better, higher paying job with benefits, I struggle more financially and I shouldn't. Also I'm leaving for Paris on a mission trip in less than two weeks and though the trip is cheaper than most I've been on, I've had much more trouble raising the money. Hmmm...... seems like trusting God enough to tithe is not so optional as I had attempted to make it.

Maybe trusting God in general isn't so optional as I try to make it either. (Yes, I'm stating the obvious, sorry.) There are a lot of areas where I've let fear in and have pulled back from Him. Most of those areas have been about as successful as the finances. Especially relationships. I've grown very afraid of being hurt and put up some of the same old walls I had up in my early teens. It's working about as well as it did then. :s

I gotta get over this bad trend.....

end of drama

At last after weeks of practicing we have finished the drama (still unnamed) I mentioned last week. It was fun working on it with everyone, but it's a relief to be done with all the practicing.

Playing a demon was also way harder than I expected. I've played bad people in dramas before, but trying to be purely evil was very tiring. Like the mental kind of tired where you're exhausted but then can't sleep when you lay down.

Today though, since we didn't have enough actors, I got to do a quick costume change after the angles ran us off and come back as a dancer rejoicing in Jesus' resurrection.

passover

Immanuel Fellowship celebrated the passover tonight. I'm not sure when the actual passover was this year but today worked so we did. We ate it like they did in Leviticus, not with all the traditions with which the modern Jews have incorporated. I think I like the modern version better with all the little added traditions because every time I learn more about their history, but this was fun too.

After dinner we had a dramma that we've been working on for a couple of weeks. It tells the story of the redemption of humanity. The drama starts with creation, goes through the fall, shows some of the pain and slavery of sin, listens in on a conversation between God and Jesus right before he goes to earth, and sees Jesus crusified. Well, that's only the first half, we're showing the rest on Easter morning.

It's kind of an amazing little drama. We only had a cast of thirteen to represent God, Jesus, Satan, angels, demons, and all of humanity. It mixes a few speaking parts, video, mime, dance, and a cool sound track. Jenn, Joel, and Brianna have done a great job making it happen.

As a church we've been praying for this night. We invited a lot of people to come see it since it does a good job communicating what Jesus came and died for. (And people are more willing to come to church around Easter.) A lot of the people we invited are not Christians. Many are comming back to see the second half next Sunday.

1st green

I went snowboarding today with Stephanie. She's a very good snowboarder and has been teaching me. She is Swiss/French and speaks very little English, and I speak even less French. So she tells me what to do in French and demonstrates then I, not understanding a word of it, just try to copy her movements. It's fun. :p

She took me on my first green today. (I've been boarding twice before but didn't have much time on either ocaision.) It was waaay steeper than the bunny hill. I fell down so much that I bruised both knees right through the knee pads I was wearing. But I also got to the point where I could just ride and ride without falling for a long time. Quite a feat when you consider how hopelessly klumsy I can be. I'm happy....and my arms are sore from catching so many falls. :s :)

april showers & carrots

Today is April 1st. As we all know (though I can't remember why), April showers bring May flowers. Summit county did have it's first April shower of the month today. However it was a snow shower, so I'm not expecting flowers anytime soon. I'm happy though, I like snow. :D

Anyway, enough about snow and non-existent May flowers. Onward to the next subject of this post: carrots. I went to a carrot party tonight. Right about now you must be thinking that this is an April-Fool's post but in fact all that I'm writing is true, strange as it may seem. I'm having an odd day. So this friend from work, Brett is celebrating his vegan anniversary. He's been eating "rabbit food" for a whole year now. In honor of the occasion he had a party, a carrot party. Every thing was made of carrots, carrot juice, carrot soup, carrot hummus, and carrot bread were all on the menu. Though it sounds quite crazy it was pretty good.

However, that's not the best part of it. The best was that my idea for the dessert was the big hit of the night. Granted, without the culinary skills of the Vegan Man it never would've happened, but still my crazy idea. The crazy idea that everyone loved? Carrot ice-cream. I know it sounds quite nasty but it was amazing. One of the better flavors I've tasted. So if ever you are faced with the option of having carrot-flavored ice-cream do not follow your instinct to run. Stay and try it, you may be pleasantly surprised.

french dinner

Immanuel Fellowship had a French dinner tonight. Marie and Judy organized it and it turned out lovely and very fun.

All the people who are taking French so that they can get around in France when we go in May were waiters. We all wore white shirts and black pants, very professional looking, just like so many of the restaurants in Paris. I think Marie did a pretty good job recreating just a little of the feel of a French restaurant. We even gave people a quick lesson in French etiquette, which ironically turned out to be my job. White table cloths, good food, candle light, and …... translation cards.

Here’s the fun part: all the tables needed French/English translation cards. None of the waiters spoke any English or Spanish. So everyone was required to order their meals, make requests, and say thank you in French. It was hilarious! I had the privilege of being a waitress and using my poor French. I absolutely refused to speak either English or Spanish to my bi-lingual table so they just had to figure out what I was saying and use their translation cards as best they could. It was crazyness! Not that anyone at my table could tell, but I tried to say everything right and I think I did a good job. Hmmm…is this the beginning of a career as a French waitress?

baby shower

Marie and I went to a baby shower in Colorado Springs today. Marie and I were pitifully late, like an hour. Neither of us had ever driven to Colorado Springs before. Rachel, a girl we've been friends with for a few years is having a boy. I actually haven't seen her much since she moved to Hawaii to live with her parents about three years ago. It was good to catch up a little.

sweet 18?

So today I achieved something that no other person has and I deserve a prize. I attended all three of my little sister's birthday parties. Yes, I know, I have three little sisters so it's no big deal right? Wrong. All these parties that I've been going to were all in honor of Joanie who turned eighteen today. She's had a party every Saturday for the last three weeks, it's been great. First she had a chick flick movie party, then a snowmobiling party, and now a swimming party.

Now why does this girl get three 18th birthday parties? Well, let me tell you. First of all she's just that super kind of person that has the friends and the popularity to pull off three different parties. At every party she had a completely different set of friends, I'm the only person who made it to more than one. I'm jealous. She's agreeable, easy to get along with, our arguments stay fun and happy, and she's so witty that her sense of humor frequently leaves me in helpless laughter. Joanie's also very sensitive to the pain of others; she's quite sweet when she's not being totally sassy. Obviously this is one of my favorite people to be with. Other people must think so too, very clever.

why do i care?

The last few months I've been challenged with a question: Why do I care? I'm not being cynical or cheeky here....well, trying not to be.

I guess a few friends don't seem too interested in being my friend anymore. I'm trying, in my own little introverted way to keep things up, but I feel a bit alone and unnoticed in my efforts. I am frustrated, I'm discouraged, and I feel like I'm so uncool that it's contagious. Hence the nagging question, why do I care?

Why do I care about the people around me? Do I genuinely love them and want to be friends? Or am I only in it for me? Do I only want them to come see a movie with me because it's lame to go alone, or do I really want to be with that person? Am I striving to be friends so that I can give to others or so that I can get? Do I invite friends in to my life for their sake or mine? Am I only friends with people to boost my own ego? Are people just numbers by which I measure my own success? Why am I trying?

The answers? I don't know. I think part of the problem is I don't feel like I have much of anything to offer.

i finally admit it

Somewhere in the last two weeks I have finnally decided to admit it. I don't want to be a nurse anymore. I haven't for awhile, but I'm just now deciding to face the fact that I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Zippo.

ice climbing

I know I'm late in posting, my ice climbing class ended Sunday. However, I couldn't write anything about it because my hands hurt from gripping the picks. I had no idea that a single sport could make so many muscles sore all at the same time. ;)

It was such a fun class. Thursday we went to the gym to learn to belay (basically catch the climber if they fall). Having never rock climbed I found it slightly hard to believe that with only a few tools I could catch a man falling off the gym's rock wall. The teacher proved I can by making me catch him after he climbed up and let go. That night I was also allowed to climb. Yikes. I discovered that I am more afraid of heights than I thought and that don't really trust the rope to catch me. I went and told my friend that I had climbed all the way up a rock wall for the first time. She waved it off and told me that I had only climbed the easy one. ehh....

With that pride check in mind I went to our all-day class on Saturday quite afraid that the whole thing would be one big flop. We hiked up to Chalk Creek Falls, a lovely frozen water fall in the middle of nowhere. I was awed by the beauty of it. Much to my dismay the ladies first rule was applied. It actually turned out way easier than the bit of rock climbing I did in the gym. Once I had climbed high enough to be on the vertical part, where it was too steep to hold snow, I could see through the ice I was on. It was thick but clear as glass and I could see water still rushing beneath. It was so beautiful I had to stop climbing and just stare at it. I also went up a second time and repelled down.

The second day didn't go as well for me. We went to the teacher's house where he has his own 70-foot ice wall (twice as tall as Saturday). It too was lovely, a thick tower of bluish ice with the winter sun shining through it. It also had a cave inside which reminded me of a fairly tale. However, this ice was either vertical or overhung making it much harder. My arms were already sore from the day before and after about four tries I had to stop. All of us fell so many times; it was kinda funny. Yet some of the guys did really well and could get up the whole tower. I realized their secret only after I was too burned-out to climb any more. They trusted the rope and the belayor to catch them. I wasted a lot of energy because I climbed as if no one would catch me if I fell. They guys who made it to the top also didn't stop no matter how many times they fell. The rope didn't allow them to fall far and so they'd stick their tools right back in the ice and keep going. I acted as if the rope's mercy were limited to a three falls you're out basis. Hmmm, I think I hear an analogy about trust in there somewhere......

Anyway this post is getting long, and is sadly without pictures. No worries, I'm hoping to get some up in a week or so. Oh, and we all got A's. :D