keep me...

"For in hope we have been saved, but hope that is seen is not hope; for who hopes for what he already sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:24-28

"Now to Him who is able to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy, to the only God our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen." ~ Jude 1:24,25

What do I hope to see God do? I have a pretty long list of things I'd like to see happen in my life and the lives around me. It's easy for me to get discouraged when I see nothing happen, or worse, when I see the opposite happen.

In Spanish the word for hope is espirar. It means two things: to hope and to wait. It makes sense in that verse, "...for who hopes for what he already sees?" Sometimes though you come to a point of realization though. You realize that you've been trying to hard to be a hero and that what you are waiting for may never come. I have recently come to one of those points, it's not fun. I've been holding onto some hopes for too long and trying too hard. I think there's a point when you need to just let go of it because it's become a chain. Does that mean you stop hoping? I'm not sure, but I don't think so. Maybe you just put it aside, admit you tried and failed, and let the situation be what it's been. Keep peace as much as possible, but don't break your neck trying to change something that won't be changed. Just let it go to God, if He decides to change it fine, if not then it must be for the better somehow anyway.

And God does work all things for our good if we allow it. Even with all the messy human freewill and one's choices hurting another. Even in terrible injustice God's hand is not too weak, His creativity not so limited that He cannot find or create a way to make any situation work out for good. Sometimes looking back at my rather short life of twenty years I am awed by how God used situations that at the time seemed like they would be forever and hopelessly crippling to my walk with God. Amazingly they weren't. Hard yes, I wouldn't repeat them, but because of the value they've had in causing me to grow closer to God I would not trade them for anything. I've been called and God has a purpose in calling me. How could I ever think He wouldn't come in power to cause even dashed hopes to bring me closer to Him and train me to better carry our His purposes for me? Somehow I manage it. However He's teaching me trust. If a year ago I had gone through what I'm going through now I would've freaked out. A lot of people are also praying for me right now, which is probably a pivotal part of my not totally freaking right now. Maybe I'm learning to let go of the control and just trust that if God wants to make my dashed hopes reality He will, in His time. Till then all my best efforts are useless.

Sometimes when something hard happens in my life, or when I see a fear coming up on the horizon, I get worried that I won't be able to handle it. That is also one my biggest fears when I see a friend going through a hard time: that they will stumble and fall under the pressure. However, God's been showing me largely through my time in the prayer room, that it's not me that keeps my feet on the path. God is the one who keeps me. I've committed myself to Him. He shook heaven and earth to provide a way for me to be saved through His only Son. Will He easily let me fall once He's won my heart and I've begun to follow Him? That's ridiculous, of course not. He will keep me from falling. He will keep my friends who've committed themselves to Him from falling. He will make us "stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy." God is showing me that through the ups and downs I face in my relationship with Him, during the good and the bad times, He is in control and is working to accomplish His purposes in and through me. He will not let me fall far.

Sorry about the super long post. I just needed to sort through some of the things God has been teaching me lately. Now if only I could keep these lessons learned.....