leaders' retreat

I got back from a retreat Tuesday (yes I know I'm behind, but access to a computer is quite limited these days) that Immanuel Fellowship had for the housechurch leaders.

The first night, Sunday, was kind of hard for me. I didn't feel like I belonged there, almost everyone else was older, more mature, had walked with God longer, and are just generally more experienced at leading. However as I watched everyone worship, God told me that really all of us feel that way. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. If we don't let it cripple us, then remembering how unfit we are for the job keeps us dependent on God. Actually, it's a lot better than thinking you know it all, doing it without God's help, and then screwing it up really badly. So I feel inadequate, I am, but God has called me to help lead this housechurch so I guess He must have a way to use me.

Monday we talked about vision. The way Mike illustrated it was as a pyramid. On the bottom level is Biblical Discipleship, basically living the life that Jesus lived and talked about. Next is Biblical Church Life, this is where everyone who is learning to live like Jesus learns among other things, to forgive, serve, and love each other like Jesus. The third and final level is Effective Ministry. As one level grows so do all the others, and each provides a foundation for the next. We talked about this last fall but somehow this time lights went on in my head, whereas before it didn't mean much for some reason. We also talked about effective follow-up of visitors, caring for the people in our housechurch, and discipling them. There are a lot of areas I need to work on to become a better housechurch leader.

Monday night God spoke something entirely off the subject of the retreat to me. It's really good that He does that sometimes. I've struggled a lot with jealousy toward some people who are very close to me. The last thing I wanted was for my jealousy to hurt them in any way. So in an attempt to protect them I've started trying to pull back whenever I feel it. (Or maybe I'm not that noble, maybe I just didn't want to feel bad so I back away.) Well God showed me that what I'm doing is not good. I need to pray for a heart that can be genuinely thankful that others have what they have. The only way for me to get it is to pray, I'm not that sweet on my own.

The retreat ended Tuesday. Over all it was a huge blessing and a good time to rest. The place we stayed was beautiful. God was really speaking to me but if I wrote it all here this post would be monster sized. It's already long, so I guess I've said enough.