vision comes again

People are so weak. This is extra true of me it seems. God gives a vision for our lives and we lose it. Time, age, hurt, cynicism, or apathy erase it. God's given me vision for my life. I think I lost it nearly completely a year ago, somewhere between November and July. I used to think I was some superhero who would save the world one day. Thought I would do great things for God. I was young and idealistic. (Ok, I was younger. Hey, I'm allowed a little drama aren't I?) That all went away. I'm not supergirl. Going through the motions not really believing God will ever use you is, well, yuck. Wandering around in gray semi-aimlessness.

Over the last six months in the prayer room I've found vision returning. That's putting it lightly. I found it flooding my spiritual senses like the welcome relief of sudden rivers flooding a desert. I'd nearly forgotten the taste. It was so good to have it back. Like an old friend who moved away for awhile and then came back. While vision was gone we'd both changed though so things aren't the same. I'm not supergirl anymore and saving the world is not within my reach. However, God has brought vision back bigger, stronger, and more wildly beautiful than I would have thought.

Over the last two months I think I lost it again. I am weak. I haven't been spending as much time with God since the prayer room closed. It reopened today and God has challenged me in having me commit to a few more hours than I would've thought I could handle. Seems like whenever He challenges me like that the time works out and the results of obeying Him are quite lovely. I have this feeling that He's going to be bringing vision back soon. Once again I'll be weaker but the vision will have grown in strength and beauty.

Maybe that's how it works if we allow it. The vision God gives is too heavy; it falls out of our hands. In God's over-the-top faithfulness He brings the vision back, over and over. In time we realize that we're too little to hold onto it ourselves. Meanwhile the vision grows, or maybe God just lets us see more of it. We learn to let God hold the vision in one hand and in the other hand we let Him hold ours and just go along with Him as He fulfills it in us. Boy I wish I'd hurry up and learn that.