inadequate

Gordon, a Salvation Army officer in London, wrote this on his blog a few weeks ago: "I figure 80% of the time in ministry you feel, pretty much inadequate. 20% of the time you are fooling no-one but yourself!"

I guess I've been getting really disillusioned with my act as a housechurch leader. I've been wondering and asking myself who I'm trying to fool. I guess no one as I've been seeing through my own act with painful clarity lately.

"I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 2:3-5

Funny how I relate to Paul's feelings in this verse. I've got the weakness, fear, trembling, and the lack of persuasive words of wisdom; however, I also feel like I'm missing the power of God part. Maybe it's my own discouragement. Paul probably didn't feel great lightning bolts of God's power either in the middle of all that weakness. Yea, and I really wouldn't want anyone's faith to rest on my act or my wisdom either. It's hard enough for my own faith to survive it's bouts with that shaky territory. :p