mere christianity

I just finished reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It's one of those few books that actually deserves a second read. One chapter towards the end really stood out to me.

In this chapter he speaks of counting the cost of Christianity. A lot of people come to Jesus wanting Him to fix a few flaws; those that they can see are obviously hurting them. C. S. Lewis says,

"Well, He will cure it alright: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push me away. But if you do not push me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect - until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with Me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.' And yet - this is the other and equally important side of it - this Helper who will, in the on run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to so the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby's first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, 'God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.' The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realize from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal......Here is another way of putting the two sides of the truth. On the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next twenty-four hours as 'decent' people. If He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. On the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death. That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time."

I found this really encouraging. I used to be so confident that I was actually somehow cut out for the job of housechurch leader and someday even in another culture. I used to think I'd be some kind of big missionary and (dare I say it) end up living a life comparable to my heroes, the early missionaries I loved to read about. Maybe I even went as far as thinking that such dreams set me in a special class of Christian. I'm shaking my head as I write this wondering what on earth I was thinking. I was so full of it.

Seems like I'm seeing all my faults in every area of my life - especially in the way I am a friend to others. I feel about as disqualified as they come. Actually, as Isaac and so many others leave things have changed so that I'm not leading anything. This is the first time in ten years. When I was about eleven my mom started working outside the home while we continued to homeschool and as the oldest I was in charge and in one way or another have steadily been so ever since. I wonder, how much of my identity is wrapped up in that 'leader' label?

Ah, but now I'm rambling and beginning to get a bit more personal than I would like. I guess it just encouraged me, that even though I'm feeling like a near-total failure and that I am all messed-up with nothing to offer, it's not my job to be perfect right now. I'm only 21 and God is taking me in that direction. It appears like I'm only going backwards, maybe in a lot of ways I am, but He has made perfecting my character His goal and so He will somehow use this time. Yes, and maybe He's already bringing the optimist in me back to life.