Tonight and last night we've all hung out with Isaac. Last night we went tromping out in to woods to see the Tree People. Isaac ended up losing his shoes and we searched in vain for them for like half and hour in the dark with flashlights. Today he went back out an found them. We went and watched him play soccer tonight. Then we all ate Thai food together in Breck. We followed him over to Bill and Jerie's house where he said goodbye to the housechurch that was just ending. We played the craziest game of pingpong ever with fifteen people running around the table screaming and hitting the ball once before handing off the paddle to the next in line. Then we took this insane group picture in the dark with all of us piled on top of Emily's car.
After all this awesome craziness Isaac had to go home and pack. It was sad, he gave everyone a hug and said a short goodbye for each. Then he slowly walked towards his car. We couldn't take it and all chased him down and tackled him for a giant group hug. Oh then we watched him drive off telling us he loves us and to keep following Jesus. After he was gone we all took some time to pray for him and his trip and the friends he'll meet there. After we were done praying for him we quietly walked to our cars in the dark.
Wow, we're all going to miss him so much. He's a pillar of strength for a lot of people in the housechurch. The reality of Isaac leaving hasn't quite hit yet. I'm kinda excited though, no really excited. He's going to grow so much in Paris! At the same time we will all be growing here; his absence is going to leave a big hole that the rest of us will somehow have to learn to fill while he's gone. It won't be the same with Isaac in Paris and most of the rest of us here but I'm sure everyone in our housechurch is going to learn a lot in these next nine months.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
retreat
This weekend was the housechurch leaders' retreat. I've been looking forward to this since last year. We had a great time talking about prayer, discipleship, discouragement, and we ate together and hiked and sang. We talked about loving people without being afraid that they will leave the church. (Which can really feel like a rejection of you and really hurt and make you question yourself.) We talked about loving and being a blessing to people knowing that in our transient society people we pour our hearts into will sometimes move away or get angry and leave. Ouch that's discouraging, I tend to feel like a complete failure at those times. Later we spent some time talking about discouragement.
We also prayed for each other. It's cool how encouraging it can be to pray for other people. I didn't ask for prayer (not that I don't need it, I just didn't know what to ask for) and it was really good to pray for everyone. This group has gotten a lot closer in the last year; we've prayed for each other a lot through our hard times.
On the hike I ended up walking with Bill and we had a lovely talk about nursing, dentistry, and how he became a Christian. (Yes, the three do go together.) We also talked about the biographies of missionaries that had shaped our lives, thoughts, and goals. Interesting, they were both books we had read shortly after deciding to follow Jesus and they were both people who displayed a passion for Jesus that would not shrink from giving Him any sacrifice He asked, even death.
Well, that was the retreat. It was really better than what I just wrote, God spoke to me powerfully about something big I've been struggling with but it would be too hard to explain here. It's just one of those really good times with friends that has a purpose..... I'm excited to see what God does over this next year.
We also prayed for each other. It's cool how encouraging it can be to pray for other people. I didn't ask for prayer (not that I don't need it, I just didn't know what to ask for) and it was really good to pray for everyone. This group has gotten a lot closer in the last year; we've prayed for each other a lot through our hard times.
On the hike I ended up walking with Bill and we had a lovely talk about nursing, dentistry, and how he became a Christian. (Yes, the three do go together.) We also talked about the biographies of missionaries that had shaped our lives, thoughts, and goals. Interesting, they were both books we had read shortly after deciding to follow Jesus and they were both people who displayed a passion for Jesus that would not shrink from giving Him any sacrifice He asked, even death.
Well, that was the retreat. It was really better than what I just wrote, God spoke to me powerfully about something big I've been struggling with but it would be too hard to explain here. It's just one of those really good times with friends that has a purpose..... I'm excited to see what God does over this next year.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
back to school
I started Biology today. After taking two semesters off I was a litte nervous stepping into a classroom full of people I don't know. But it was good we planted mutant plants for teh beginning of a project. It turned out I did know one person. A fellow future nurse from Nutrition class last fall. We stayed after and talked with teh teacher about nursing schools, disection, search and rescue, kadavers, autopsies, and other gruesom things. :s I must admit, being totally inexperienced, I'm much less excited about dead people than the future nurse/search and rescue person. (Forgot his name.) The thought of eventually having to disect (or otherwise mess with) a real once-living-now-dead person is not something I look forward to. Oh well, I'd better go, I've got a chapter to read by Thursday.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
car shopping
Wednesday my dad saw it. Sitting by the fruit stand on his way home from work for $1,500. I went and bought it Thursday and Ben and I cleaned it up to a perfect shine Friday. An '88 Honda Accord. Gets good gas mileage. From Arizona and nearly rust free. (Rust is a big car problem in Colorado.) The former owners were a woman over 50 and her mother-in-law. It's never been driven hard or smoked in. The brownish-maroon interior is in perfect condition. Only 150,000 miles - pretty young for a Honda. Everything works, power windows, locks, and even the clock works. It's way faster than the Subaru was and it's a bit hard not to speed too much. Everything works! I drove it right away. Yea, it's days latter and I'm still really excited, but this car looks like it will be a lot more reliable than my last so hopefully I'll be posting about it less. ; )
Saturday, August 27, 2005
inadequate
Gordon, a Salvation Army officer in London, wrote this on his blog a few weeks ago: "I figure 80% of the time in ministry you feel, pretty much inadequate. 20% of the time you are fooling no-one but yourself!"
I guess I've been getting really disillusioned with my act as a housechurch leader. I've been wondering and asking myself who I'm trying to fool. I guess no one as I've been seeing through my own act with painful clarity lately.
"I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 2:3-5
Funny how I relate to Paul's feelings in this verse. I've got the weakness, fear, trembling, and the lack of persuasive words of wisdom; however, I also feel like I'm missing the power of God part. Maybe it's my own discouragement. Paul probably didn't feel great lightning bolts of God's power either in the middle of all that weakness. Yea, and I really wouldn't want anyone's faith to rest on my act or my wisdom either. It's hard enough for my own faith to survive it's bouts with that shaky territory. :p
I guess I've been getting really disillusioned with my act as a housechurch leader. I've been wondering and asking myself who I'm trying to fool. I guess no one as I've been seeing through my own act with painful clarity lately.
"I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 2:3-5
Funny how I relate to Paul's feelings in this verse. I've got the weakness, fear, trembling, and the lack of persuasive words of wisdom; however, I also feel like I'm missing the power of God part. Maybe it's my own discouragement. Paul probably didn't feel great lightning bolts of God's power either in the middle of all that weakness. Yea, and I really wouldn't want anyone's faith to rest on my act or my wisdom either. It's hard enough for my own faith to survive it's bouts with that shaky territory. :p
Monday, August 22, 2005
psalm 37:23-26
"The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing."
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing."
Thursday, August 18, 2005
taizé
Last night Brother Roger, the founder of Taizé wasstabbedd and killed during worship. I was there a few months ago and it is a place that God is using to draw a lot of Europeans to Him. Isaac posted more about it than I did and he's got links to some news articles. Please be praying for Taizé and all the people who will be impacted by BrotheRoger's's death.
God please let it prove true what You said in John 12 about the seed that dies produces fruit. Help everyone at Taizé through thegriefeif and keep them from being turned from You in the least by this. Comfort the 2,500 teens wwitnessedsed his murder. Please speak clearly and be a strong presence with them all.....
God please let it prove true what You said in John 12 about the seed that dies produces fruit. Help everyone at Taizé through thegriefeif and keep them from being turned from You in the least by this. Comfort the 2,500 teens wwitnessedsed his murder. Please speak clearly and be a strong presence with them all.....
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
mere christianity
I just finished reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It's one of those few books that actually deserves a second read. One chapter towards the end really stood out to me.
In this chapter he speaks of counting the cost of Christianity. A lot of people come to Jesus wanting Him to fix a few flaws; those that they can see are obviously hurting them. C. S. Lewis says,
"Well, He will cure it alright: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push me away. But if you do not push me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect - until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with Me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.' And yet - this is the other and equally important side of it - this Helper who will, in the on run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to so the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby's first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, 'God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.' The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realize from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal......Here is another way of putting the two sides of the truth. On the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next twenty-four hours as 'decent' people. If He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. On the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death. That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time."
I found this really encouraging. I used to be so confident that I was actually somehow cut out for the job of housechurch leader and someday even in another culture. I used to think I'd be some kind of big missionary and (dare I say it) end up living a life comparable to my heroes, the early missionaries I loved to read about. Maybe I even went as far as thinking that such dreams set me in a special class of Christian. I'm shaking my head as I write this wondering what on earth I was thinking. I was so full of it.
Seems like I'm seeing all my faults in every area of my life - especially in the way I am a friend to others. I feel about as disqualified as they come. Actually, as Isaac and so many others leave things have changed so that I'm not leading anything. This is the first time in ten years. When I was about eleven my mom started working outside the home while we continued to homeschool and as the oldest I was in charge and in one way or another have steadily been so ever since. I wonder, how much of my identity is wrapped up in that 'leader' label?
Ah, but now I'm rambling and beginning to get a bit more personal than I would like. I guess it just encouraged me, that even though I'm feeling like a near-total failure and that I am all messed-up with nothing to offer, it's not my job to be perfect right now. I'm only 21 and God is taking me in that direction. It appears like I'm only going backwards, maybe in a lot of ways I am, but He has made perfecting my character His goal and so He will somehow use this time. Yes, and maybe He's already bringing the optimist in me back to life.
In this chapter he speaks of counting the cost of Christianity. A lot of people come to Jesus wanting Him to fix a few flaws; those that they can see are obviously hurting them. C. S. Lewis says,
"Well, He will cure it alright: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push me away. But if you do not push me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect - until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with Me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.' And yet - this is the other and equally important side of it - this Helper who will, in the on run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to so the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby's first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, 'God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.' The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realize from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal......Here is another way of putting the two sides of the truth. On the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next twenty-four hours as 'decent' people. If He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. On the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death. That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time."
I found this really encouraging. I used to be so confident that I was actually somehow cut out for the job of housechurch leader and someday even in another culture. I used to think I'd be some kind of big missionary and (dare I say it) end up living a life comparable to my heroes, the early missionaries I loved to read about. Maybe I even went as far as thinking that such dreams set me in a special class of Christian. I'm shaking my head as I write this wondering what on earth I was thinking. I was so full of it.
Seems like I'm seeing all my faults in every area of my life - especially in the way I am a friend to others. I feel about as disqualified as they come. Actually, as Isaac and so many others leave things have changed so that I'm not leading anything. This is the first time in ten years. When I was about eleven my mom started working outside the home while we continued to homeschool and as the oldest I was in charge and in one way or another have steadily been so ever since. I wonder, how much of my identity is wrapped up in that 'leader' label?
Ah, but now I'm rambling and beginning to get a bit more personal than I would like. I guess it just encouraged me, that even though I'm feeling like a near-total failure and that I am all messed-up with nothing to offer, it's not my job to be perfect right now. I'm only 21 and God is taking me in that direction. It appears like I'm only going backwards, maybe in a lot of ways I am, but He has made perfecting my character His goal and so He will somehow use this time. Yes, and maybe He's already bringing the optimist in me back to life.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
fallen
Last night a bunch of people in the church gathered in someone's home to listen to Billy Graham preach. No not Billy Graham the American evangelist who fills gigantic stadiums every time he preaches. This Billy is an Indian pastor who is in the process of building a training center in India for native missionaries. He has a lot of amazing stories about the persecution he and other Indian Christians have been through in order to preach the gospel. Being beaten, having human waste thrown on them, having Hindu priests threaten to sacrifice them in the temple (one man actually was), and living with a price on their heads are all things Billy has experienced. When he talks about them he's so excited and even joyful for the opportunity to suffer for Christ's sake.
I felt torn as I sat and listened. My family has been in and out of so many churches; the common theme was that usually people didn't take the time to notice that I was breathing their air. Even though Immanuel Fellowship is totally different sometimes I still have a problem with other Christians, especially traveling preachers for some reason. So the cynic in me sat not wanting to listen or believe any of his stories. However, I have a tendency to give members of the persecuted church a position of Catholic-like sainthood in my heart. In Immanuel Fellowship's highschool people used to talk about how they wanted to be martyr's someday. I used to think they were crazy but secretly prayed all the time for a heart that would be willing to go through the kind of persecution I read about in Jesus Freaks. So I sat not trusting the man but hanging on his every word.
Later, as I walked Isaac's dog Jobi I prayed about what I'd just heard. I feel like I've fallen. Billy talked about living your Christianity without taking short-cuts. This has been the biggest thing I've worked and prayed for since I started following Jesus when I was fifteen. A few years ago I felt so much closer to that goal. The last two years have been really hard. Maybe I've taken the responsibility and the guilt for things I had no business attempting. I've failed miserably at just about everything I've dared touch for a long time. Everything I thought I would be, everything I was just three years ago now seems so far out of reach. Not to mention the standard of living Billy embodies. I began to cry as I poured these thoughts out God for the millionth time, begging Him to change me again.
dear God i'm losing count my of failures
i can't remember why You called me
is it illusion or do i walk backwards?
yet still i hear You call me to follow
unwilling to resist such a voice as Yours
shattered to the core, but i will come
I felt torn as I sat and listened. My family has been in and out of so many churches; the common theme was that usually people didn't take the time to notice that I was breathing their air. Even though Immanuel Fellowship is totally different sometimes I still have a problem with other Christians, especially traveling preachers for some reason. So the cynic in me sat not wanting to listen or believe any of his stories. However, I have a tendency to give members of the persecuted church a position of Catholic-like sainthood in my heart. In Immanuel Fellowship's highschool people used to talk about how they wanted to be martyr's someday. I used to think they were crazy but secretly prayed all the time for a heart that would be willing to go through the kind of persecution I read about in Jesus Freaks. So I sat not trusting the man but hanging on his every word.
Later, as I walked Isaac's dog Jobi I prayed about what I'd just heard. I feel like I've fallen. Billy talked about living your Christianity without taking short-cuts. This has been the biggest thing I've worked and prayed for since I started following Jesus when I was fifteen. A few years ago I felt so much closer to that goal. The last two years have been really hard. Maybe I've taken the responsibility and the guilt for things I had no business attempting. I've failed miserably at just about everything I've dared touch for a long time. Everything I thought I would be, everything I was just three years ago now seems so far out of reach. Not to mention the standard of living Billy embodies. I began to cry as I poured these thoughts out God for the millionth time, begging Him to change me again.
dear God i'm losing count my of failures
i can't remember why You called me
is it illusion or do i walk backwards?
yet still i hear You call me to follow
unwilling to resist such a voice as Yours
shattered to the core, but i will come
Saturday, August 13, 2005
off to teen mania
My little sister Jacque is right now on vacation with the rest of the family in Texas. I had to work and so couldn't go with them. On the 18th they will drop her off in Garden Valley, home of Teen Mania headquarters where she will spend the next year.
It's kinda weird having my little sister move out. Since it's only been like three days I don't think the reality of it has quite hit me yet. Oh well, never mind that for now.
It's going to be so awesome for her. She's about to be challenged in ways she probably hasn't thought of. At the end of this year Jacque's going to be a very different person than she is now. I'm so excited for her! Not because I don't think she's great right now, I'm just excited for teh chances she'll get to do things she's never done, meet new people, gain confidence as a woman of God, see her character grow, and most of all get a lot closer to God. I'll get to see her again in a couple of months at Thanksgiving....three months. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll have to tell and see the way she's grown frist-hand and not just over the phone and email.
It's kinda weird having my little sister move out. Since it's only been like three days I don't think the reality of it has quite hit me yet. Oh well, never mind that for now.
It's going to be so awesome for her. She's about to be challenged in ways she probably hasn't thought of. At the end of this year Jacque's going to be a very different person than she is now. I'm so excited for her! Not because I don't think she's great right now, I'm just excited for teh chances she'll get to do things she's never done, meet new people, gain confidence as a woman of God, see her character grow, and most of all get a lot closer to God. I'll get to see her again in a couple of months at Thanksgiving....three months. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll have to tell and see the way she's grown frist-hand and not just over the phone and email.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
poetic justice
Today I saw direct evidence that there is such a thing as justice in the world. However, before you understand that statement I need to give a little history.
My sisters and I used to play Monopoly a lot when we were little. There was only ever one winner and that was absolutely always Jacque. In fact, Jacque's never lost a game and I've never won a single game, ever. That is, until today.
Today my three sisters and I all played Monopoly. (I don't even know why I always agree to play this game.) As is the usual about two hours in Joanie and Julie, the two youngest, sold all their property, put all their money in the community pile to be won by some lucky player, and dropped out of the running. Jacque ended up being the lucky player with all the money and I ended being the sucker who spent all her money on buying cheap property and earning several monopolies.
Well after four hours I won. Yes me the ultimate Monopoly looser! I bought every hotel and house the game had. As Jacque got more and more in debt she gave me more and more property, eventually I owned the whole board. It felt so good. Usually our positions are reversed. I will cherish this moment forever.
My sisters and I used to play Monopoly a lot when we were little. There was only ever one winner and that was absolutely always Jacque. In fact, Jacque's never lost a game and I've never won a single game, ever. That is, until today.
Today my three sisters and I all played Monopoly. (I don't even know why I always agree to play this game.) As is the usual about two hours in Joanie and Julie, the two youngest, sold all their property, put all their money in the community pile to be won by some lucky player, and dropped out of the running. Jacque ended up being the lucky player with all the money and I ended being the sucker who spent all her money on buying cheap property and earning several monopolies.
Well after four hours I won. Yes me the ultimate Monopoly looser! I bought every hotel and house the game had. As Jacque got more and more in debt she gave me more and more property, eventually I owned the whole board. It felt so good. Usually our positions are reversed. I will cherish this moment forever.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
parting
Today it rained. Usually rain is recomended when one is saying goodbye. We took one last drive around the lake and my car was leaking form the top of the windsheild onto my hand as usual. But I didn't mind, the rain falling on the mountain lake was beautiful. This was our favorite little drive. I bought this little red '87 subaru for $250. I've replaced a lot parts, discovered and found ways around many quirks, seen it's 200,000 mile birthday, and given my friends countless rides. For the price I've paid it's been an incredible car and usually quite reliable.
We are quite fond of eachother but we've talked it over and both agreed that it would be best if I sold her. Sunday someone offered to buy my subaru for $500. That's much more than I could hope to get from anyone else. We decided that since the man who's offering to buy her is somewhat mechanically tallented and good with old cars and I am not that I sould accept and use the money to buy a newer, more reliable car. Especially as she has had a harder and harder time being reliable for me lately. So we went for one last drive and sat in the rain together listening to it fall on her roof as we said our sad goodbyes. Then I went inside the house and signed the title over.
*tear, sob, sob* Goodbye wonderful little car.....
We are quite fond of eachother but we've talked it over and both agreed that it would be best if I sold her. Sunday someone offered to buy my subaru for $500. That's much more than I could hope to get from anyone else. We decided that since the man who's offering to buy her is somewhat mechanically tallented and good with old cars and I am not that I sould accept and use the money to buy a newer, more reliable car. Especially as she has had a harder and harder time being reliable for me lately. So we went for one last drive and sat in the rain together listening to it fall on her roof as we said our sad goodbyes. Then I went inside the house and signed the title over.
*tear, sob, sob* Goodbye wonderful little car.....
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
oblivious
I just read this really great article about God's love. It's pretty short so go read it. I think I tend to be completely oblivious to God's love most of the time. Like, not that I'm unaware of His love, I just don't really take the time to think about it in depth. I wonder if that hurts Him. If I loved somebody like that I'd sure want them to stop and think about it at least ten times a day. I'd want them to really know that right then I was dreaming about them. God is really patent with our lack of enthusiasm about His love. God help me learn to be more constantly aware that You are loving me like crazy. Help me love You back more like You love me....
Saturday, July 30, 2005
possibilities
This Saturday we had our last housechurch gathering. So many of us are leaving! Tessa and Genesis are moving away, Greg and Netsie are leaving for college, and Isaac is moving all the way to France to be part of an internship with a church there. Some of us will still be getting together on Saturdays, but with so many people leaving this was the last housechurch as we’ve known it.
Weird, I’ve moved so many times and I’m used to being the one doing the leaving. It’s strange to stay and watch others go. Even though it’s sad to see so many people leave, the more I think about it the more excited I get. Change is always such a huge opportunity to grow. What does God have for all of us this year? How will our characters be shaped twelve months form now? Despite the fears I have about my place in all of this, I can’t wait to see what this next year holds.
Weird, I’ve moved so many times and I’m used to being the one doing the leaving. It’s strange to stay and watch others go. Even though it’s sad to see so many people leave, the more I think about it the more excited I get. Change is always such a huge opportunity to grow. What does God have for all of us this year? How will our characters be shaped twelve months form now? Despite the fears I have about my place in all of this, I can’t wait to see what this next year holds.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
camping trip
I just got back from Immanuel's annual camping trip. As always it was awesome. There were, as Mike said, "About 5 billion mosquitoes per acre." I'm very tempted to think this was an honest estimate and not just a humorous exaggeration.
For me the best parts are the community of living together, the meals, the water fight, the swimming, the hikes, and especially the orienteering race. Ok fine, I like it all. It's so cool just about everyone in the church comes, even people who don't really like camping.
Well this year I made a mistake. We were about to start our orinteering race and were standing around getting the rules from Mike, the pastor and the man who sets up this little adventure, when I asked God to teach me some kind of lesson through competing in the race. (Can anyone remember that old proverb, "Be careful what you wish for"? Well the same can sometimes be said of prayer because God is not without a sense of humor. :P) That was my mistake. I never learn, I'm always praying these prayers of a slightly dangerous nature and then being swept up into these adventures. However if I quit praying stuff like that I'd get really bored. I'd rather have the adventure.
Anyway, I was put on a team of five, the purple team, and we were given two pages of clues to follow. We started off quite lovely and got the first two purple flags with ease. Things started going downhill from the second flag. First we got confused and went to the wrong lake (there are like a thousand in the area where we were camping, which explains the raging mosquito population). After going at least a mile out of our way and backtracking we found our third flag. At this point it had been two hours. Mike had announced to everyone that our team was the most likely to win, however he also expected the winners to return within two hours. We knew we had lost and this was made worse by the fact that we were the expected winners.
Not wanting to be quitters we continued. Rather suddenly, when we came upon a road that would easily lead back to camp two of our team members decided to call a quit and go back to camp. It was discouraging but three of us decided to keep going even though we were disqualified without all of our team members. Now it was just Josiah (our eagle-scout leader), Jessie (our energetic 16-year-old runner), and me. We got caught on the fourth flag. About two hours of exploring small lakes and mashes looking for a patch of lilies with a flag in them and we were one flag richer and one pint of blood poorer than we had been when our other team members had left us.
Somewhere in all that fruitless searching we all got quite discouraged. Though none of us wanted to quit Josiah delicately hinted that maybe we should as soon as we got the fourth and nobody disagreed. However, with the forth flag came a burst of encouragement. We realized that just because we came in last didn't mean we had to come back beaten. Since the next flag was not to far we went after it and found it much more quickly. With only two left we just couldn't quit. Flags six and seven also came faster, even if we did end up back-tracking again to get number six.
Finally, after five and a half hours the purple team emerged from the forest, wet, tired, hungry, mosquito-bitten, but proudly triumphant. Immediately we happened upon Mike, who had come to look for us since it was after 19:30 and beginning to get a little dark.
So what was my lesson? Obviously perserverance. Not quitting when everyone seems to give up and there's only a few left, and when you seem to get nowhere. I was thinking about that stuff the whole time. However, someone is begging for use of this computer so I must go and save this already long post for getting much longer.....
For me the best parts are the community of living together, the meals, the water fight, the swimming, the hikes, and especially the orienteering race. Ok fine, I like it all. It's so cool just about everyone in the church comes, even people who don't really like camping.
Well this year I made a mistake. We were about to start our orinteering race and were standing around getting the rules from Mike, the pastor and the man who sets up this little adventure, when I asked God to teach me some kind of lesson through competing in the race. (Can anyone remember that old proverb, "Be careful what you wish for"? Well the same can sometimes be said of prayer because God is not without a sense of humor. :P) That was my mistake. I never learn, I'm always praying these prayers of a slightly dangerous nature and then being swept up into these adventures. However if I quit praying stuff like that I'd get really bored. I'd rather have the adventure.
Anyway, I was put on a team of five, the purple team, and we were given two pages of clues to follow. We started off quite lovely and got the first two purple flags with ease. Things started going downhill from the second flag. First we got confused and went to the wrong lake (there are like a thousand in the area where we were camping, which explains the raging mosquito population). After going at least a mile out of our way and backtracking we found our third flag. At this point it had been two hours. Mike had announced to everyone that our team was the most likely to win, however he also expected the winners to return within two hours. We knew we had lost and this was made worse by the fact that we were the expected winners.
Not wanting to be quitters we continued. Rather suddenly, when we came upon a road that would easily lead back to camp two of our team members decided to call a quit and go back to camp. It was discouraging but three of us decided to keep going even though we were disqualified without all of our team members. Now it was just Josiah (our eagle-scout leader), Jessie (our energetic 16-year-old runner), and me. We got caught on the fourth flag. About two hours of exploring small lakes and mashes looking for a patch of lilies with a flag in them and we were one flag richer and one pint of blood poorer than we had been when our other team members had left us.
Somewhere in all that fruitless searching we all got quite discouraged. Though none of us wanted to quit Josiah delicately hinted that maybe we should as soon as we got the fourth and nobody disagreed. However, with the forth flag came a burst of encouragement. We realized that just because we came in last didn't mean we had to come back beaten. Since the next flag was not to far we went after it and found it much more quickly. With only two left we just couldn't quit. Flags six and seven also came faster, even if we did end up back-tracking again to get number six.
Finally, after five and a half hours the purple team emerged from the forest, wet, tired, hungry, mosquito-bitten, but proudly triumphant. Immediately we happened upon Mike, who had come to look for us since it was after 19:30 and beginning to get a little dark.
So what was my lesson? Obviously perserverance. Not quitting when everyone seems to give up and there's only a few left, and when you seem to get nowhere. I was thinking about that stuff the whole time. However, someone is begging for use of this computer so I must go and save this already long post for getting much longer.....
Saturday, July 16, 2005
again
She's dead
They slowly strangled her
Lips close to her ear
Whispering love
The outer shell remains
But the inside is devastated
Emptied of all good
Through the dark
Is there always hope of morning?
Can the shattered heart be rebuilt?
Will ashes be redeemed?
Yes is the answer I see
Reflected in Your confident eyes
Is there anything else I know?
The walking dead sees a sunrise
Feels the beat of life within
Though a world turns to ash
Those ashes are still in Your hands
In Your hands life is created
Dreams once dead awake and breathe
Now more real than ever they could've been
Crippled legs learn to walk again
And then the impossible - they learn to run
Yet something will never be the same
For the death was real
But I find You waiting, smiling
To show me the joy of what You're doing
Redeeming all that was shattered
They slowly strangled her
Lips close to her ear
Whispering love
The outer shell remains
But the inside is devastated
Emptied of all good
Through the dark
Is there always hope of morning?
Can the shattered heart be rebuilt?
Will ashes be redeemed?
Yes is the answer I see
Reflected in Your confident eyes
Is there anything else I know?
The walking dead sees a sunrise
Feels the beat of life within
Though a world turns to ash
Those ashes are still in Your hands
In Your hands life is created
Dreams once dead awake and breathe
Now more real than ever they could've been
Crippled legs learn to walk again
And then the impossible - they learn to run
Yet something will never be the same
For the death was real
But I find You waiting, smiling
To show me the joy of what You're doing
Redeeming all that was shattered
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
lovely pointless quiz
I put in all the silliest answers and this is what I got. Hmmm.......
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
You must try this, it's more fun than most. While you're at it, go see a Muffin Film.
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
You must try this, it's more fun than most. While you're at it, go see a Muffin Film.
Monday, July 04, 2005
risk
"Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."
- Julius Caesar from Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar
At unhindered last weekend Pete talked about taking risks. People today don't risk enough for God. Everything is too neat and tidy. Sometimes when I'm reading the story of some hero of the faith that I admire I look at the risks they took and wonder if I would ever have the courage to do the same. People have told me that I'm courageous before because I've been on mission trips by myself, gone cliff-diving, or like to try interesting new foods. That's all nice, but do I really have the courage to live my whole life for God?
Maybe I shouldn't sit around asking that question. I think it might be one of those questions that just paralyzes you. I don't really know. I was reading Mere Chistianity by C.S. Lewis today and ran across this:
"If you read history you will find that the
Christians who did the most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. ...all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither."
Sunday, July 03, 2005
live8
No, I haven't seen it. Unfortunately my dial-up internet won't play the videos. Quite sad. :( But we took some time during worship this morning to pray for the G8 conference later this week. We also talked about the need for the church to reach out today, it was good.
Umm...my seven-year-old sister is asking me to read her a book. I've got to go. I'll try to post more about this later.....
Umm...my seven-year-old sister is asking me to read her a book. I've got to go. I'll try to post more about this later.....
Friday, July 01, 2005
three jobs
Today I got a call. I applied for a position as a full-time receptionist and got it. This is great, it's in a pediatric center, and they will give me a little bit of training as a nurse. I'll be working with a mostly bi-lingual staff. I've been hoping to get a job like this for a long time. Thanks God!
Funny, most of this last month I've been struggling financially because I was only working at Gap and they were only giving me about 10 - 12 hours a week. God's really come through for me financially this last month in some ways that are undeniably Him. Now I have three jobs though, two part-time and a full-time. That adds up to a few too many hours for me to work. What a nice change. I guess I will have to quit a couple of my jobs. ;)
Funny, most of this last month I've been struggling financially because I was only working at Gap and they were only giving me about 10 - 12 hours a week. God's really come through for me financially this last month in some ways that are undeniably Him. Now I have three jobs though, two part-time and a full-time. That adds up to a few too many hours for me to work. What a nice change. I guess I will have to quit a couple of my jobs. ;)
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