Today after sneaking away from one of the tree people during an otherwise nice run (he was also trying to hide from me, scary) I went to Brianna's house for lunch. We had an interesting talk about......for lack of a better description, Christian success.
I, like most other people, think of success as really doing something notable with your life. It's making your name worth being remembered, right? Right. However, not if you're a Christian. Then, if you're a Christian success is furthering God's kingdom and making His name known. That's the way I tend to see it anyway.
Brianna and I talked about people who really love Jesus but are held back by something in their lives that is not their fault. Their spouse, parents, children, health, or a financial burden they somehow obtained without creating it themselves. However you fill in that blank it seems tragic. All their dreams drowned by this one thing. I find myself saying, "If only this or that were different that person would really be able to do something great for God." I think it a lot actually.
She challenged me today. "How will that mould their character?" Brianna asked if maybe God is more concerned about purifying His bride than He is about everything else. He's big enough to do whatever it is He needs done with or without ideal circumstances in our lives. Could it be He allows those things to happen because His idea of Christian success is completely different from ours? Because He knows He can hold us through rough times and use the impossibly bad to do something impossibly good? Could that do more for His name than any amount of striving in our own strength ever would? Is the shaping of my character more important than all I could do on my own as I am now? Is it possible for God to both work in me and through me at the same time even if I don't feel like I'm useful and can't see it? Maybe I've made the mistake of grossly underestimating the Creator of the universe......
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
soy una mexicana
Tonight I got together with a few friends for dinner. It was an interesting night; usually I don't hang out with these people outside of events like work. There were five of us around the counter top in Elena's apartment. Elena is Spanish, Omar's Mexican, Feliz is Turkish, Bret's American, and I am American. All of us having traveled some we of course ended up talking about traveling and the differences in cultures and governments.
We're also all bilingual, or in my case semi-bilingual, and mostly between Spanish and English. It was interesting listening to Spanish Maria and Mexican Omar talk about their language. We ended up with a friendly little dispute over pronunciation. Bret and I only added to this as he learned his Spanish in Spain and I leaned mine from people who lived in Mexico City not too far from Omar's home. He said he could tell I'd gotten my accent from "La Ciudad" which is a huge complement. It means that I speak well enough to have an accent other than gringo. :D :D :D
He may have just been flattering me, but I have reason to hope he wasn't since he corrected my Spanish every other sentence when we changed languages after Feliz left. I still have a long way to go. :S
We're also all bilingual, or in my case semi-bilingual, and mostly between Spanish and English. It was interesting listening to Spanish Maria and Mexican Omar talk about their language. We ended up with a friendly little dispute over pronunciation. Bret and I only added to this as he learned his Spanish in Spain and I leaned mine from people who lived in Mexico City not too far from Omar's home. He said he could tell I'd gotten my accent from "La Ciudad" which is a huge complement. It means that I speak well enough to have an accent other than gringo. :D :D :D
He may have just been flattering me, but I have reason to hope he wasn't since he corrected my Spanish every other sentence when we changed languages after Feliz left. I still have a long way to go. :S
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
biology test
I took my first biology test today. Arg. I hate studying for tests, especially the first test. I never know how to study, what the teachers style, or what kind of questions the teacher will ask. I always feel like I actually have to study the night before; this time I did. :s
Not that I'm incredibly smart and don't need to study, it's just that at about $1,000 a semester CMC isn't exactly Harvard and well... you get the picture. Anyway, I think I did alright on most of it. I'll find out in a week. If I could change anything about myself today I would have a photographic memory so then I would never have to study. ; )
Not that I'm incredibly smart and don't need to study, it's just that at about $1,000 a semester CMC isn't exactly Harvard and well... you get the picture. Anyway, I think I did alright on most of it. I'll find out in a week. If I could change anything about myself today I would have a photographic memory so then I would never have to study. ; )
Thursday, September 22, 2005
He leads me
Last Saturday we spent most of the night praying for each other. I seem to be at one of those points where I know where I want to be: much closer to God. I'm seeing my desperate need for Jesus. I feel like I know where I'm going, however totally lost on how to get there. It's so frustrating to feel like you're desperate to move forward but helpless and lost as far as actually making progress in concerned. Also feeling weak and worried and susceptible to falling. Well everyone was praying for me and encouraging me by reminding me that God's in control. Even if I'm not sure how to get where I want to be He is leading. I don't remember exactly what they said but it gave me this picture of being led through the dense jungle by Jesus. Like He's breaking the trail with one arm and with the other is holding my hand. The only thorns come my way are those He's allowed. As long as I hold His hand I don't need to see where I'm going or be able to find my way out.
It was a beautiful picture.......which I promptly forgot as soon as this week hit me. Still feeling no forward motion in my walk with God. In addition I am actually, literally penniless. I get paid on Wednesday so normally this wouldn't be too big of a problem. However, my checking account was over-drawn by two dollars and some odd cents. I've got one of those accounts where the bank charges me every day till I pay up. By Wednesday that would've been my entire paycheck. So I was stressing out and very nearly crying over my sad state (two dollars has never felt so impossibly huge) when Erick came to the bank to see Hannah. We both sat at her customer service desk while she finished up the day's business on the phone. He didn't know what was wrong but tried to cheer me up till I worked up the courage to ask him for the huge sum that I owed the bank. Of course he gladly gave it. Everything's alright and just like that I'm saved for the rest of the week. Sad how two dollars made me forget so quickly such a beautiful picture of Jesus leading me. I think I must really be an adult now. :S
Well today after going for a run (there's snow on the peaks above the tree line!) I sat and read my Bible and God showed me this:
"I will lead the blind by a they do not
know,
In paths they do not know I will guide
them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone."
~ Isaiah 42:16
God help me learn to trust You to do this for me......
It was a beautiful picture.......which I promptly forgot as soon as this week hit me. Still feeling no forward motion in my walk with God. In addition I am actually, literally penniless. I get paid on Wednesday so normally this wouldn't be too big of a problem. However, my checking account was over-drawn by two dollars and some odd cents. I've got one of those accounts where the bank charges me every day till I pay up. By Wednesday that would've been my entire paycheck. So I was stressing out and very nearly crying over my sad state (two dollars has never felt so impossibly huge) when Erick came to the bank to see Hannah. We both sat at her customer service desk while she finished up the day's business on the phone. He didn't know what was wrong but tried to cheer me up till I worked up the courage to ask him for the huge sum that I owed the bank. Of course he gladly gave it. Everything's alright and just like that I'm saved for the rest of the week. Sad how two dollars made me forget so quickly such a beautiful picture of Jesus leading me. I think I must really be an adult now. :S
Well today after going for a run (there's snow on the peaks above the tree line!) I sat and read my Bible and God showed me this:
"I will lead the blind by a they do not
know,
In paths they do not know I will guide
them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone."
~ Isaiah 42:16
God help me learn to trust You to do this for me......
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
from silken self
From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from the winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
Not thus are our spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod,
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
~ Amy Carmichael
God, give me the courage to really pray that.
Sheltered from the winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
Not thus are our spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod,
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
~ Amy Carmichael
God, give me the courage to really pray that.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
encouragement
I think I learned something at housechurch tonight. I got the answer to a question that's been nagging me for a long time.
I used to think that if a bunch of people were excited and sharing what God's doing in their lives and I was the only one who's down I should just keep my mouth shut and not ruin a good thing. Or the opposite, that if I was trying to encourage someone who's down I shouldn't tell them what's exciting me. That fell apart last night in housechurch.
I had the prayer shift right before the gathering and Emily came in and talked with me for a couple of hours. She could tell I'd been kinda discouraged and listened to me talk about what's been going on. Then she told me, bubbling over with excitement, about how much God has been working in her life. It really encouraged me. I don't think my downess stole from her excitement at all. So I think all those ideas I used to have were wrong.
Then everyone else arrived and we had such a good time praying for each other. Some were super excited about what God's doing in them. Others were feeling more discouraged about the challenges they're facing. It was so cool and encouraging. We're really getting close as a group and it's exciting. God, please keep working in us. Please don't let this be just the passing hype of the moment. Keep working and do something deep and permanent in us.....
I used to think that if a bunch of people were excited and sharing what God's doing in their lives and I was the only one who's down I should just keep my mouth shut and not ruin a good thing. Or the opposite, that if I was trying to encourage someone who's down I shouldn't tell them what's exciting me. That fell apart last night in housechurch.
I had the prayer shift right before the gathering and Emily came in and talked with me for a couple of hours. She could tell I'd been kinda discouraged and listened to me talk about what's been going on. Then she told me, bubbling over with excitement, about how much God has been working in her life. It really encouraged me. I don't think my downess stole from her excitement at all. So I think all those ideas I used to have were wrong.
Then everyone else arrived and we had such a good time praying for each other. Some were super excited about what God's doing in them. Others were feeling more discouraged about the challenges they're facing. It was so cool and encouraging. We're really getting close as a group and it's exciting. God, please keep working in us. Please don't let this be just the passing hype of the moment. Keep working and do something deep and permanent in us.....
Saturday, September 17, 2005
wipe away
Yesterday I hiked up the side of Mt. Royal to sat on a rock and read my Bible. I found something I've never seen before.
"The LORD of hosts will prepare a lavish
banquet of all the peoples on this mountain;
A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with
marrow,
And refined, aged wine.
And on this mountain He will swallow up
the covering which is over all people,
Even the veil which is stretched over all
nations.
He will swallow up death for all time,
And the lord GOD will wipe tears away
from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His
people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.
And it will be said on that day,
"Behold, this is our God for whom we have
waited that He might save us.
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."
- Isaiah 25:6-9
It's cool the picture of God's love I got while I read this. I'm the oldest in my family and when one of my younger sisters (or even younger girl friends sometimes) is hurting I just would do anything if I could move the entire universe and make it stop. I wish so badly that I could be the hero of the moment and take away whatever the cause of these tears are. (I've gotten myself in trouble more than a few times trying.) Today watching the sun begin to set God showed me He is the same way. He does love me so intensely that He wants to move the entire universe just to wipe my tears away. Except He's God and He has the power to change any situation in my life or my heart if I'm willing to wait on Him. (Waiting's important, 'cause it's tricky to move the universe without crushing someone else in the process. :p) Ironically the thought of such a big someone as God wanting to be close enough to wipe my tears away made me cry, then laugh, then cry, then laugh-cry. Ah, the beauty of being a girl. :p
"The LORD of hosts will prepare a lavish
banquet of all the peoples on this mountain;
A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with
marrow,
And refined, aged wine.
And on this mountain He will swallow up
the covering which is over all people,
Even the veil which is stretched over all
nations.
He will swallow up death for all time,
And the lord GOD will wipe tears away
from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His
people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.
And it will be said on that day,
"Behold, this is our God for whom we have
waited that He might save us.
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."
- Isaiah 25:6-9
It's cool the picture of God's love I got while I read this. I'm the oldest in my family and when one of my younger sisters (or even younger girl friends sometimes) is hurting I just would do anything if I could move the entire universe and make it stop. I wish so badly that I could be the hero of the moment and take away whatever the cause of these tears are. (I've gotten myself in trouble more than a few times trying.) Today watching the sun begin to set God showed me He is the same way. He does love me so intensely that He wants to move the entire universe just to wipe my tears away. Except He's God and He has the power to change any situation in my life or my heart if I'm willing to wait on Him. (Waiting's important, 'cause it's tricky to move the universe without crushing someone else in the process. :p) Ironically the thought of such a big someone as God wanting to be close enough to wipe my tears away made me cry, then laugh, then cry, then laugh-cry. Ah, the beauty of being a girl. :p
Monday, September 12, 2005
my darts
My little sister Joanie sent me this e-mail reecently.
"A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smithwas known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smithtold the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.
Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little
brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she
didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.
Dr. Smithsaid only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.' Matthew 25:40.
No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ."
Who have I thrown darts at deluding myself that I'm right, that I have not hurt anyone who didn't have it coming? Where have my thoughts and attitudes been?
"A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smithwas known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smithtold the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.
Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little
brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she
didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.
Dr. Smithsaid only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.' Matthew 25:40.
No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ."
Who have I thrown darts at deluding myself that I'm right, that I have not hurt anyone who didn't have it coming? Where have my thoughts and attitudes been?
Sunday, September 11, 2005
soundboard
Well today was my first day really running the soundboard at church during worship. It was so cool. Nothing majorly bad happened. The system started to feed back at one point but I caught it so quickly that I'm able to tell myself nobody noticed. (Hopefully.) If something had gone wrong Josiah (my teacher) was standing right there to help me if I needed it. It was great to be at the back turning the knobs and making everything run smoothly enough that everyone can focus on God and worship.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
last night for awhile.....
Tonight and last night we've all hung out with Isaac. Last night we went tromping out in to woods to see the Tree People. Isaac ended up losing his shoes and we searched in vain for them for like half and hour in the dark with flashlights. Today he went back out an found them. We went and watched him play soccer tonight. Then we all ate Thai food together in Breck. We followed him over to Bill and Jerie's house where he said goodbye to the housechurch that was just ending. We played the craziest game of pingpong ever with fifteen people running around the table screaming and hitting the ball once before handing off the paddle to the next in line. Then we took this insane group picture in the dark with all of us piled on top of Emily's car.
After all this awesome craziness Isaac had to go home and pack. It was sad, he gave everyone a hug and said a short goodbye for each. Then he slowly walked towards his car. We couldn't take it and all chased him down and tackled him for a giant group hug. Oh then we watched him drive off telling us he loves us and to keep following Jesus. After he was gone we all took some time to pray for him and his trip and the friends he'll meet there. After we were done praying for him we quietly walked to our cars in the dark.
Wow, we're all going to miss him so much. He's a pillar of strength for a lot of people in the housechurch. The reality of Isaac leaving hasn't quite hit yet. I'm kinda excited though, no really excited. He's going to grow so much in Paris! At the same time we will all be growing here; his absence is going to leave a big hole that the rest of us will somehow have to learn to fill while he's gone. It won't be the same with Isaac in Paris and most of the rest of us here but I'm sure everyone in our housechurch is going to learn a lot in these next nine months.
After all this awesome craziness Isaac had to go home and pack. It was sad, he gave everyone a hug and said a short goodbye for each. Then he slowly walked towards his car. We couldn't take it and all chased him down and tackled him for a giant group hug. Oh then we watched him drive off telling us he loves us and to keep following Jesus. After he was gone we all took some time to pray for him and his trip and the friends he'll meet there. After we were done praying for him we quietly walked to our cars in the dark.
Wow, we're all going to miss him so much. He's a pillar of strength for a lot of people in the housechurch. The reality of Isaac leaving hasn't quite hit yet. I'm kinda excited though, no really excited. He's going to grow so much in Paris! At the same time we will all be growing here; his absence is going to leave a big hole that the rest of us will somehow have to learn to fill while he's gone. It won't be the same with Isaac in Paris and most of the rest of us here but I'm sure everyone in our housechurch is going to learn a lot in these next nine months.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
retreat
This weekend was the housechurch leaders' retreat. I've been looking forward to this since last year. We had a great time talking about prayer, discipleship, discouragement, and we ate together and hiked and sang. We talked about loving people without being afraid that they will leave the church. (Which can really feel like a rejection of you and really hurt and make you question yourself.) We talked about loving and being a blessing to people knowing that in our transient society people we pour our hearts into will sometimes move away or get angry and leave. Ouch that's discouraging, I tend to feel like a complete failure at those times. Later we spent some time talking about discouragement.
We also prayed for each other. It's cool how encouraging it can be to pray for other people. I didn't ask for prayer (not that I don't need it, I just didn't know what to ask for) and it was really good to pray for everyone. This group has gotten a lot closer in the last year; we've prayed for each other a lot through our hard times.
On the hike I ended up walking with Bill and we had a lovely talk about nursing, dentistry, and how he became a Christian. (Yes, the three do go together.) We also talked about the biographies of missionaries that had shaped our lives, thoughts, and goals. Interesting, they were both books we had read shortly after deciding to follow Jesus and they were both people who displayed a passion for Jesus that would not shrink from giving Him any sacrifice He asked, even death.
Well, that was the retreat. It was really better than what I just wrote, God spoke to me powerfully about something big I've been struggling with but it would be too hard to explain here. It's just one of those really good times with friends that has a purpose..... I'm excited to see what God does over this next year.
We also prayed for each other. It's cool how encouraging it can be to pray for other people. I didn't ask for prayer (not that I don't need it, I just didn't know what to ask for) and it was really good to pray for everyone. This group has gotten a lot closer in the last year; we've prayed for each other a lot through our hard times.
On the hike I ended up walking with Bill and we had a lovely talk about nursing, dentistry, and how he became a Christian. (Yes, the three do go together.) We also talked about the biographies of missionaries that had shaped our lives, thoughts, and goals. Interesting, they were both books we had read shortly after deciding to follow Jesus and they were both people who displayed a passion for Jesus that would not shrink from giving Him any sacrifice He asked, even death.
Well, that was the retreat. It was really better than what I just wrote, God spoke to me powerfully about something big I've been struggling with but it would be too hard to explain here. It's just one of those really good times with friends that has a purpose..... I'm excited to see what God does over this next year.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
back to school
I started Biology today. After taking two semesters off I was a litte nervous stepping into a classroom full of people I don't know. But it was good we planted mutant plants for teh beginning of a project. It turned out I did know one person. A fellow future nurse from Nutrition class last fall. We stayed after and talked with teh teacher about nursing schools, disection, search and rescue, kadavers, autopsies, and other gruesom things. :s I must admit, being totally inexperienced, I'm much less excited about dead people than the future nurse/search and rescue person. (Forgot his name.) The thought of eventually having to disect (or otherwise mess with) a real once-living-now-dead person is not something I look forward to. Oh well, I'd better go, I've got a chapter to read by Thursday.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
car shopping
Wednesday my dad saw it. Sitting by the fruit stand on his way home from work for $1,500. I went and bought it Thursday and Ben and I cleaned it up to a perfect shine Friday. An '88 Honda Accord. Gets good gas mileage. From Arizona and nearly rust free. (Rust is a big car problem in Colorado.) The former owners were a woman over 50 and her mother-in-law. It's never been driven hard or smoked in. The brownish-maroon interior is in perfect condition. Only 150,000 miles - pretty young for a Honda. Everything works, power windows, locks, and even the clock works. It's way faster than the Subaru was and it's a bit hard not to speed too much. Everything works! I drove it right away. Yea, it's days latter and I'm still really excited, but this car looks like it will be a lot more reliable than my last so hopefully I'll be posting about it less. ; )
Saturday, August 27, 2005
inadequate
Gordon, a Salvation Army officer in London, wrote this on his blog a few weeks ago: "I figure 80% of the time in ministry you feel, pretty much inadequate. 20% of the time you are fooling no-one but yourself!"
I guess I've been getting really disillusioned with my act as a housechurch leader. I've been wondering and asking myself who I'm trying to fool. I guess no one as I've been seeing through my own act with painful clarity lately.
"I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 2:3-5
Funny how I relate to Paul's feelings in this verse. I've got the weakness, fear, trembling, and the lack of persuasive words of wisdom; however, I also feel like I'm missing the power of God part. Maybe it's my own discouragement. Paul probably didn't feel great lightning bolts of God's power either in the middle of all that weakness. Yea, and I really wouldn't want anyone's faith to rest on my act or my wisdom either. It's hard enough for my own faith to survive it's bouts with that shaky territory. :p
I guess I've been getting really disillusioned with my act as a housechurch leader. I've been wondering and asking myself who I'm trying to fool. I guess no one as I've been seeing through my own act with painful clarity lately.
"I was with you in weakness and in fear and in much trembling, and my message and my preaching were not in persuasive words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, so that your faith would not rest on the wisdom of men, but on the power of God." ~ 1 Corinthians 2:3-5
Funny how I relate to Paul's feelings in this verse. I've got the weakness, fear, trembling, and the lack of persuasive words of wisdom; however, I also feel like I'm missing the power of God part. Maybe it's my own discouragement. Paul probably didn't feel great lightning bolts of God's power either in the middle of all that weakness. Yea, and I really wouldn't want anyone's faith to rest on my act or my wisdom either. It's hard enough for my own faith to survive it's bouts with that shaky territory. :p
Monday, August 22, 2005
psalm 37:23-26
"The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing."
And He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
Because the Lord is the One who holds his hand.
I have been young and now I am old,
Yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken
Or his descendants begging bread.
All day long he is gracious and lends,
And his descendants are a blessing."
Thursday, August 18, 2005
taizé
Last night Brother Roger, the founder of Taizé wasstabbedd and killed during worship. I was there a few months ago and it is a place that God is using to draw a lot of Europeans to Him. Isaac posted more about it than I did and he's got links to some news articles. Please be praying for Taizé and all the people who will be impacted by BrotheRoger's's death.
God please let it prove true what You said in John 12 about the seed that dies produces fruit. Help everyone at Taizé through thegriefeif and keep them from being turned from You in the least by this. Comfort the 2,500 teens wwitnessedsed his murder. Please speak clearly and be a strong presence with them all.....
God please let it prove true what You said in John 12 about the seed that dies produces fruit. Help everyone at Taizé through thegriefeif and keep them from being turned from You in the least by this. Comfort the 2,500 teens wwitnessedsed his murder. Please speak clearly and be a strong presence with them all.....
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
mere christianity
I just finished reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. It's one of those few books that actually deserves a second read. One chapter towards the end really stood out to me.
In this chapter he speaks of counting the cost of Christianity. A lot of people come to Jesus wanting Him to fix a few flaws; those that they can see are obviously hurting them. C. S. Lewis says,
"Well, He will cure it alright: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push me away. But if you do not push me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect - until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with Me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.' And yet - this is the other and equally important side of it - this Helper who will, in the on run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to so the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby's first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, 'God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.' The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realize from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal......Here is another way of putting the two sides of the truth. On the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next twenty-four hours as 'decent' people. If He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. On the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death. That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time."
I found this really encouraging. I used to be so confident that I was actually somehow cut out for the job of housechurch leader and someday even in another culture. I used to think I'd be some kind of big missionary and (dare I say it) end up living a life comparable to my heroes, the early missionaries I loved to read about. Maybe I even went as far as thinking that such dreams set me in a special class of Christian. I'm shaking my head as I write this wondering what on earth I was thinking. I was so full of it.
Seems like I'm seeing all my faults in every area of my life - especially in the way I am a friend to others. I feel about as disqualified as they come. Actually, as Isaac and so many others leave things have changed so that I'm not leading anything. This is the first time in ten years. When I was about eleven my mom started working outside the home while we continued to homeschool and as the oldest I was in charge and in one way or another have steadily been so ever since. I wonder, how much of my identity is wrapped up in that 'leader' label?
Ah, but now I'm rambling and beginning to get a bit more personal than I would like. I guess it just encouraged me, that even though I'm feeling like a near-total failure and that I am all messed-up with nothing to offer, it's not my job to be perfect right now. I'm only 21 and God is taking me in that direction. It appears like I'm only going backwards, maybe in a lot of ways I am, but He has made perfecting my character His goal and so He will somehow use this time. Yes, and maybe He's already bringing the optimist in me back to life.
In this chapter he speaks of counting the cost of Christianity. A lot of people come to Jesus wanting Him to fix a few flaws; those that they can see are obviously hurting them. C. S. Lewis says,
"Well, He will cure it alright: but He will not stop there. That may be all you asked; but if once you call Him in, He will give you the full treatment. That is why He warned people to 'count the cost' before becoming Christians. 'Make no mistake,' He says, 'if you let me, I will make you perfect. The moment you put yourself in My hands, that is what you are in for. Nothing less, or other, than that. You have free will, and if you choose, you can push me away. But if you do not push me away, understand that I am going to see this job through. Whatever suffering it may cost you in your earthly life, whatever inconceivable purification it may cost you after death, whatever it costs Me, I will never rest, nor let you rest, until you are literally perfect - until my Father can say without reservation that He is well pleased with you, as He said He was well pleased with Me. This I can do and will do. But I will not do anything less.' And yet - this is the other and equally important side of it - this Helper who will, in the on run, be satisfied with nothing less than absolute perfection, will also be delighted with the first feeble, stumbling effort you make tomorrow to so the simplest duty. As a great Christian writer (George MacDonald) pointed out, every father is pleased at the baby's first attempt to walk: no father would be satisfied with anything less than a firm, free, manly walk in a grown-up son. In the same way, he said, 'God is easy to please, but hard to satisfy.' The practical upshot is this. On the one hand, God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even in your present failures. Each time you fall He will pick you up again. And He knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection. On the other hand, you must realize from the outset that the goal towards which He is beginning to guide you is absolute perfection; and no power in the whole universe, except you yourself, can prevent Him from taking you to that goal......Here is another way of putting the two sides of the truth. On the one hand we must never imagine that our own unaided efforts can be relied on to carry us even through the next twenty-four hours as 'decent' people. If He does not support us, not one of us is safe from some gross sin. On the other hand, no possible degree of holiness or heroism which has ever been recorded of the greatest saints is beyond what He is determined to produce in every one of us in the end. The job will not be completed in this life; but He means to get us as far as possible before death. That is why we must not be surprised if we are in for a rough time."
I found this really encouraging. I used to be so confident that I was actually somehow cut out for the job of housechurch leader and someday even in another culture. I used to think I'd be some kind of big missionary and (dare I say it) end up living a life comparable to my heroes, the early missionaries I loved to read about. Maybe I even went as far as thinking that such dreams set me in a special class of Christian. I'm shaking my head as I write this wondering what on earth I was thinking. I was so full of it.
Seems like I'm seeing all my faults in every area of my life - especially in the way I am a friend to others. I feel about as disqualified as they come. Actually, as Isaac and so many others leave things have changed so that I'm not leading anything. This is the first time in ten years. When I was about eleven my mom started working outside the home while we continued to homeschool and as the oldest I was in charge and in one way or another have steadily been so ever since. I wonder, how much of my identity is wrapped up in that 'leader' label?
Ah, but now I'm rambling and beginning to get a bit more personal than I would like. I guess it just encouraged me, that even though I'm feeling like a near-total failure and that I am all messed-up with nothing to offer, it's not my job to be perfect right now. I'm only 21 and God is taking me in that direction. It appears like I'm only going backwards, maybe in a lot of ways I am, but He has made perfecting my character His goal and so He will somehow use this time. Yes, and maybe He's already bringing the optimist in me back to life.
Sunday, August 14, 2005
fallen
Last night a bunch of people in the church gathered in someone's home to listen to Billy Graham preach. No not Billy Graham the American evangelist who fills gigantic stadiums every time he preaches. This Billy is an Indian pastor who is in the process of building a training center in India for native missionaries. He has a lot of amazing stories about the persecution he and other Indian Christians have been through in order to preach the gospel. Being beaten, having human waste thrown on them, having Hindu priests threaten to sacrifice them in the temple (one man actually was), and living with a price on their heads are all things Billy has experienced. When he talks about them he's so excited and even joyful for the opportunity to suffer for Christ's sake.
I felt torn as I sat and listened. My family has been in and out of so many churches; the common theme was that usually people didn't take the time to notice that I was breathing their air. Even though Immanuel Fellowship is totally different sometimes I still have a problem with other Christians, especially traveling preachers for some reason. So the cynic in me sat not wanting to listen or believe any of his stories. However, I have a tendency to give members of the persecuted church a position of Catholic-like sainthood in my heart. In Immanuel Fellowship's highschool people used to talk about how they wanted to be martyr's someday. I used to think they were crazy but secretly prayed all the time for a heart that would be willing to go through the kind of persecution I read about in Jesus Freaks. So I sat not trusting the man but hanging on his every word.
Later, as I walked Isaac's dog Jobi I prayed about what I'd just heard. I feel like I've fallen. Billy talked about living your Christianity without taking short-cuts. This has been the biggest thing I've worked and prayed for since I started following Jesus when I was fifteen. A few years ago I felt so much closer to that goal. The last two years have been really hard. Maybe I've taken the responsibility and the guilt for things I had no business attempting. I've failed miserably at just about everything I've dared touch for a long time. Everything I thought I would be, everything I was just three years ago now seems so far out of reach. Not to mention the standard of living Billy embodies. I began to cry as I poured these thoughts out God for the millionth time, begging Him to change me again.
dear God i'm losing count my of failures
i can't remember why You called me
is it illusion or do i walk backwards?
yet still i hear You call me to follow
unwilling to resist such a voice as Yours
shattered to the core, but i will come
I felt torn as I sat and listened. My family has been in and out of so many churches; the common theme was that usually people didn't take the time to notice that I was breathing their air. Even though Immanuel Fellowship is totally different sometimes I still have a problem with other Christians, especially traveling preachers for some reason. So the cynic in me sat not wanting to listen or believe any of his stories. However, I have a tendency to give members of the persecuted church a position of Catholic-like sainthood in my heart. In Immanuel Fellowship's highschool people used to talk about how they wanted to be martyr's someday. I used to think they were crazy but secretly prayed all the time for a heart that would be willing to go through the kind of persecution I read about in Jesus Freaks. So I sat not trusting the man but hanging on his every word.
Later, as I walked Isaac's dog Jobi I prayed about what I'd just heard. I feel like I've fallen. Billy talked about living your Christianity without taking short-cuts. This has been the biggest thing I've worked and prayed for since I started following Jesus when I was fifteen. A few years ago I felt so much closer to that goal. The last two years have been really hard. Maybe I've taken the responsibility and the guilt for things I had no business attempting. I've failed miserably at just about everything I've dared touch for a long time. Everything I thought I would be, everything I was just three years ago now seems so far out of reach. Not to mention the standard of living Billy embodies. I began to cry as I poured these thoughts out God for the millionth time, begging Him to change me again.
dear God i'm losing count my of failures
i can't remember why You called me
is it illusion or do i walk backwards?
yet still i hear You call me to follow
unwilling to resist such a voice as Yours
shattered to the core, but i will come
Saturday, August 13, 2005
off to teen mania
My little sister Jacque is right now on vacation with the rest of the family in Texas. I had to work and so couldn't go with them. On the 18th they will drop her off in Garden Valley, home of Teen Mania headquarters where she will spend the next year.
It's kinda weird having my little sister move out. Since it's only been like three days I don't think the reality of it has quite hit me yet. Oh well, never mind that for now.
It's going to be so awesome for her. She's about to be challenged in ways she probably hasn't thought of. At the end of this year Jacque's going to be a very different person than she is now. I'm so excited for her! Not because I don't think she's great right now, I'm just excited for teh chances she'll get to do things she's never done, meet new people, gain confidence as a woman of God, see her character grow, and most of all get a lot closer to God. I'll get to see her again in a couple of months at Thanksgiving....three months. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll have to tell and see the way she's grown frist-hand and not just over the phone and email.
It's kinda weird having my little sister move out. Since it's only been like three days I don't think the reality of it has quite hit me yet. Oh well, never mind that for now.
It's going to be so awesome for her. She's about to be challenged in ways she probably hasn't thought of. At the end of this year Jacque's going to be a very different person than she is now. I'm so excited for her! Not because I don't think she's great right now, I'm just excited for teh chances she'll get to do things she's never done, meet new people, gain confidence as a woman of God, see her character grow, and most of all get a lot closer to God. I'll get to see her again in a couple of months at Thanksgiving....three months. I can't wait to hear the stories she'll have to tell and see the way she's grown frist-hand and not just over the phone and email.
Saturday, August 06, 2005
poetic justice
Today I saw direct evidence that there is such a thing as justice in the world. However, before you understand that statement I need to give a little history.
My sisters and I used to play Monopoly a lot when we were little. There was only ever one winner and that was absolutely always Jacque. In fact, Jacque's never lost a game and I've never won a single game, ever. That is, until today.
Today my three sisters and I all played Monopoly. (I don't even know why I always agree to play this game.) As is the usual about two hours in Joanie and Julie, the two youngest, sold all their property, put all their money in the community pile to be won by some lucky player, and dropped out of the running. Jacque ended up being the lucky player with all the money and I ended being the sucker who spent all her money on buying cheap property and earning several monopolies.
Well after four hours I won. Yes me the ultimate Monopoly looser! I bought every hotel and house the game had. As Jacque got more and more in debt she gave me more and more property, eventually I owned the whole board. It felt so good. Usually our positions are reversed. I will cherish this moment forever.
My sisters and I used to play Monopoly a lot when we were little. There was only ever one winner and that was absolutely always Jacque. In fact, Jacque's never lost a game and I've never won a single game, ever. That is, until today.
Today my three sisters and I all played Monopoly. (I don't even know why I always agree to play this game.) As is the usual about two hours in Joanie and Julie, the two youngest, sold all their property, put all their money in the community pile to be won by some lucky player, and dropped out of the running. Jacque ended up being the lucky player with all the money and I ended being the sucker who spent all her money on buying cheap property and earning several monopolies.
Well after four hours I won. Yes me the ultimate Monopoly looser! I bought every hotel and house the game had. As Jacque got more and more in debt she gave me more and more property, eventually I owned the whole board. It felt so good. Usually our positions are reversed. I will cherish this moment forever.
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
parting
Today it rained. Usually rain is recomended when one is saying goodbye. We took one last drive around the lake and my car was leaking form the top of the windsheild onto my hand as usual. But I didn't mind, the rain falling on the mountain lake was beautiful. This was our favorite little drive. I bought this little red '87 subaru for $250. I've replaced a lot parts, discovered and found ways around many quirks, seen it's 200,000 mile birthday, and given my friends countless rides. For the price I've paid it's been an incredible car and usually quite reliable.
We are quite fond of eachother but we've talked it over and both agreed that it would be best if I sold her. Sunday someone offered to buy my subaru for $500. That's much more than I could hope to get from anyone else. We decided that since the man who's offering to buy her is somewhat mechanically tallented and good with old cars and I am not that I sould accept and use the money to buy a newer, more reliable car. Especially as she has had a harder and harder time being reliable for me lately. So we went for one last drive and sat in the rain together listening to it fall on her roof as we said our sad goodbyes. Then I went inside the house and signed the title over.
*tear, sob, sob* Goodbye wonderful little car.....
We are quite fond of eachother but we've talked it over and both agreed that it would be best if I sold her. Sunday someone offered to buy my subaru for $500. That's much more than I could hope to get from anyone else. We decided that since the man who's offering to buy her is somewhat mechanically tallented and good with old cars and I am not that I sould accept and use the money to buy a newer, more reliable car. Especially as she has had a harder and harder time being reliable for me lately. So we went for one last drive and sat in the rain together listening to it fall on her roof as we said our sad goodbyes. Then I went inside the house and signed the title over.
*tear, sob, sob* Goodbye wonderful little car.....
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
oblivious
I just read this really great article about God's love. It's pretty short so go read it. I think I tend to be completely oblivious to God's love most of the time. Like, not that I'm unaware of His love, I just don't really take the time to think about it in depth. I wonder if that hurts Him. If I loved somebody like that I'd sure want them to stop and think about it at least ten times a day. I'd want them to really know that right then I was dreaming about them. God is really patent with our lack of enthusiasm about His love. God help me learn to be more constantly aware that You are loving me like crazy. Help me love You back more like You love me....
Saturday, July 30, 2005
possibilities
This Saturday we had our last housechurch gathering. So many of us are leaving! Tessa and Genesis are moving away, Greg and Netsie are leaving for college, and Isaac is moving all the way to France to be part of an internship with a church there. Some of us will still be getting together on Saturdays, but with so many people leaving this was the last housechurch as we’ve known it.
Weird, I’ve moved so many times and I’m used to being the one doing the leaving. It’s strange to stay and watch others go. Even though it’s sad to see so many people leave, the more I think about it the more excited I get. Change is always such a huge opportunity to grow. What does God have for all of us this year? How will our characters be shaped twelve months form now? Despite the fears I have about my place in all of this, I can’t wait to see what this next year holds.
Weird, I’ve moved so many times and I’m used to being the one doing the leaving. It’s strange to stay and watch others go. Even though it’s sad to see so many people leave, the more I think about it the more excited I get. Change is always such a huge opportunity to grow. What does God have for all of us this year? How will our characters be shaped twelve months form now? Despite the fears I have about my place in all of this, I can’t wait to see what this next year holds.
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
camping trip
I just got back from Immanuel's annual camping trip. As always it was awesome. There were, as Mike said, "About 5 billion mosquitoes per acre." I'm very tempted to think this was an honest estimate and not just a humorous exaggeration.
For me the best parts are the community of living together, the meals, the water fight, the swimming, the hikes, and especially the orienteering race. Ok fine, I like it all. It's so cool just about everyone in the church comes, even people who don't really like camping.
Well this year I made a mistake. We were about to start our orinteering race and were standing around getting the rules from Mike, the pastor and the man who sets up this little adventure, when I asked God to teach me some kind of lesson through competing in the race. (Can anyone remember that old proverb, "Be careful what you wish for"? Well the same can sometimes be said of prayer because God is not without a sense of humor. :P) That was my mistake. I never learn, I'm always praying these prayers of a slightly dangerous nature and then being swept up into these adventures. However if I quit praying stuff like that I'd get really bored. I'd rather have the adventure.
Anyway, I was put on a team of five, the purple team, and we were given two pages of clues to follow. We started off quite lovely and got the first two purple flags with ease. Things started going downhill from the second flag. First we got confused and went to the wrong lake (there are like a thousand in the area where we were camping, which explains the raging mosquito population). After going at least a mile out of our way and backtracking we found our third flag. At this point it had been two hours. Mike had announced to everyone that our team was the most likely to win, however he also expected the winners to return within two hours. We knew we had lost and this was made worse by the fact that we were the expected winners.
Not wanting to be quitters we continued. Rather suddenly, when we came upon a road that would easily lead back to camp two of our team members decided to call a quit and go back to camp. It was discouraging but three of us decided to keep going even though we were disqualified without all of our team members. Now it was just Josiah (our eagle-scout leader), Jessie (our energetic 16-year-old runner), and me. We got caught on the fourth flag. About two hours of exploring small lakes and mashes looking for a patch of lilies with a flag in them and we were one flag richer and one pint of blood poorer than we had been when our other team members had left us.
Somewhere in all that fruitless searching we all got quite discouraged. Though none of us wanted to quit Josiah delicately hinted that maybe we should as soon as we got the fourth and nobody disagreed. However, with the forth flag came a burst of encouragement. We realized that just because we came in last didn't mean we had to come back beaten. Since the next flag was not to far we went after it and found it much more quickly. With only two left we just couldn't quit. Flags six and seven also came faster, even if we did end up back-tracking again to get number six.
Finally, after five and a half hours the purple team emerged from the forest, wet, tired, hungry, mosquito-bitten, but proudly triumphant. Immediately we happened upon Mike, who had come to look for us since it was after 19:30 and beginning to get a little dark.
So what was my lesson? Obviously perserverance. Not quitting when everyone seems to give up and there's only a few left, and when you seem to get nowhere. I was thinking about that stuff the whole time. However, someone is begging for use of this computer so I must go and save this already long post for getting much longer.....
For me the best parts are the community of living together, the meals, the water fight, the swimming, the hikes, and especially the orienteering race. Ok fine, I like it all. It's so cool just about everyone in the church comes, even people who don't really like camping.
Well this year I made a mistake. We were about to start our orinteering race and were standing around getting the rules from Mike, the pastor and the man who sets up this little adventure, when I asked God to teach me some kind of lesson through competing in the race. (Can anyone remember that old proverb, "Be careful what you wish for"? Well the same can sometimes be said of prayer because God is not without a sense of humor. :P) That was my mistake. I never learn, I'm always praying these prayers of a slightly dangerous nature and then being swept up into these adventures. However if I quit praying stuff like that I'd get really bored. I'd rather have the adventure.
Anyway, I was put on a team of five, the purple team, and we were given two pages of clues to follow. We started off quite lovely and got the first two purple flags with ease. Things started going downhill from the second flag. First we got confused and went to the wrong lake (there are like a thousand in the area where we were camping, which explains the raging mosquito population). After going at least a mile out of our way and backtracking we found our third flag. At this point it had been two hours. Mike had announced to everyone that our team was the most likely to win, however he also expected the winners to return within two hours. We knew we had lost and this was made worse by the fact that we were the expected winners.
Not wanting to be quitters we continued. Rather suddenly, when we came upon a road that would easily lead back to camp two of our team members decided to call a quit and go back to camp. It was discouraging but three of us decided to keep going even though we were disqualified without all of our team members. Now it was just Josiah (our eagle-scout leader), Jessie (our energetic 16-year-old runner), and me. We got caught on the fourth flag. About two hours of exploring small lakes and mashes looking for a patch of lilies with a flag in them and we were one flag richer and one pint of blood poorer than we had been when our other team members had left us.
Somewhere in all that fruitless searching we all got quite discouraged. Though none of us wanted to quit Josiah delicately hinted that maybe we should as soon as we got the fourth and nobody disagreed. However, with the forth flag came a burst of encouragement. We realized that just because we came in last didn't mean we had to come back beaten. Since the next flag was not to far we went after it and found it much more quickly. With only two left we just couldn't quit. Flags six and seven also came faster, even if we did end up back-tracking again to get number six.
Finally, after five and a half hours the purple team emerged from the forest, wet, tired, hungry, mosquito-bitten, but proudly triumphant. Immediately we happened upon Mike, who had come to look for us since it was after 19:30 and beginning to get a little dark.
So what was my lesson? Obviously perserverance. Not quitting when everyone seems to give up and there's only a few left, and when you seem to get nowhere. I was thinking about that stuff the whole time. However, someone is begging for use of this computer so I must go and save this already long post for getting much longer.....
Saturday, July 16, 2005
again
She's dead
They slowly strangled her
Lips close to her ear
Whispering love
The outer shell remains
But the inside is devastated
Emptied of all good
Through the dark
Is there always hope of morning?
Can the shattered heart be rebuilt?
Will ashes be redeemed?
Yes is the answer I see
Reflected in Your confident eyes
Is there anything else I know?
The walking dead sees a sunrise
Feels the beat of life within
Though a world turns to ash
Those ashes are still in Your hands
In Your hands life is created
Dreams once dead awake and breathe
Now more real than ever they could've been
Crippled legs learn to walk again
And then the impossible - they learn to run
Yet something will never be the same
For the death was real
But I find You waiting, smiling
To show me the joy of what You're doing
Redeeming all that was shattered
They slowly strangled her
Lips close to her ear
Whispering love
The outer shell remains
But the inside is devastated
Emptied of all good
Through the dark
Is there always hope of morning?
Can the shattered heart be rebuilt?
Will ashes be redeemed?
Yes is the answer I see
Reflected in Your confident eyes
Is there anything else I know?
The walking dead sees a sunrise
Feels the beat of life within
Though a world turns to ash
Those ashes are still in Your hands
In Your hands life is created
Dreams once dead awake and breathe
Now more real than ever they could've been
Crippled legs learn to walk again
And then the impossible - they learn to run
Yet something will never be the same
For the death was real
But I find You waiting, smiling
To show me the joy of what You're doing
Redeeming all that was shattered
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
lovely pointless quiz
I put in all the silliest answers and this is what I got. Hmmm.......
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
You must try this, it's more fun than most. While you're at it, go see a Muffin Film.
The Completely Pointless Personality Quiz
You must try this, it's more fun than most. While you're at it, go see a Muffin Film.
Monday, July 04, 2005
risk
"Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."
- Julius Caesar from Shakespeare's play Julius Caesar
At unhindered last weekend Pete talked about taking risks. People today don't risk enough for God. Everything is too neat and tidy. Sometimes when I'm reading the story of some hero of the faith that I admire I look at the risks they took and wonder if I would ever have the courage to do the same. People have told me that I'm courageous before because I've been on mission trips by myself, gone cliff-diving, or like to try interesting new foods. That's all nice, but do I really have the courage to live my whole life for God?
Maybe I shouldn't sit around asking that question. I think it might be one of those questions that just paralyzes you. I don't really know. I was reading Mere Chistianity by C.S. Lewis today and ran across this:
"If you read history you will find that the
Christians who did the most for the present world were just those who thought most of the next. ...all left their mark on Earth, precisely because their minds were occupied with Heaven. It is since Christians have largely ceased to think of the other world that they have become so ineffective in this. Aim at Heaven and you will get earth 'thrown in': aim at earth and you will get neither."
Sunday, July 03, 2005
live8
No, I haven't seen it. Unfortunately my dial-up internet won't play the videos. Quite sad. :( But we took some time during worship this morning to pray for the G8 conference later this week. We also talked about the need for the church to reach out today, it was good.
Umm...my seven-year-old sister is asking me to read her a book. I've got to go. I'll try to post more about this later.....
Umm...my seven-year-old sister is asking me to read her a book. I've got to go. I'll try to post more about this later.....
Friday, July 01, 2005
three jobs
Today I got a call. I applied for a position as a full-time receptionist and got it. This is great, it's in a pediatric center, and they will give me a little bit of training as a nurse. I'll be working with a mostly bi-lingual staff. I've been hoping to get a job like this for a long time. Thanks God!
Funny, most of this last month I've been struggling financially because I was only working at Gap and they were only giving me about 10 - 12 hours a week. God's really come through for me financially this last month in some ways that are undeniably Him. Now I have three jobs though, two part-time and a full-time. That adds up to a few too many hours for me to work. What a nice change. I guess I will have to quit a couple of my jobs. ;)
Funny, most of this last month I've been struggling financially because I was only working at Gap and they were only giving me about 10 - 12 hours a week. God's really come through for me financially this last month in some ways that are undeniably Him. Now I have three jobs though, two part-time and a full-time. That adds up to a few too many hours for me to work. What a nice change. I guess I will have to quit a couple of my jobs. ;)
Thursday, June 30, 2005
first day
This was my first day working for Starbucks; I ended up getting the job even though I broke down on the way to my interview last week. I learned more about coffee today than this non-coffee drinker ever dreamed of knowing about the subject. We made a lot of Frappichinos and that was really fun. We gave all our practice ones away for free because they weren't always the prettiest things. I also drank more coffee today than I have ever drank in my whole life. It was all black and awful. That was really hard. I ended up quite sick and had to leave early. Arrgg.... Maybe I'm allergic to coffee.
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
week of car troubles
These last seven days have been pretty hard on my poor old car. Once again I had thought we had reached the end. I was on my way to a job interview in Copper a week ago when suddenly, "pop!" and all this white smoke started pouring out everywhere. So I pulled over and called Bobby and he helped me limp the poor thing home. We had to pull over a bunch of times to let the engine cool down. Having almost no money I was pretty upset at the prospect of having to use the bus for the next few months. Then we discovered it was just a blown hose, not too bad. My dad had it replaced in no time.
The next day I drove it, it was overheating really fast and I ended up having to leave it at Isaac's house for the day. It was only the thermostat so Todd and Tom, Ben and Marie's dads, fixed it for me. Fortunately all the repairs have been cheap and I've saved on gas not driving my car around much.
Today I was picking something up from Ben's house and ran over a nail just before pulling into the driveway. Why me? The thing was letting air out so fast we could all actually see it getting flatter! Todd fixed it just enough to get me to the tire repair place. I was pretty upset, I only had $30 dollars left to my name so I knew this was probably going to cause me to bounce a check. I got the the place and guess what? I was ladies' day so they patched my tire for free! Whew, that was close, thanks God.
The next day I drove it, it was overheating really fast and I ended up having to leave it at Isaac's house for the day. It was only the thermostat so Todd and Tom, Ben and Marie's dads, fixed it for me. Fortunately all the repairs have been cheap and I've saved on gas not driving my car around much.
Today I was picking something up from Ben's house and ran over a nail just before pulling into the driveway. Why me? The thing was letting air out so fast we could all actually see it getting flatter! Todd fixed it just enough to get me to the tire repair place. I was pretty upset, I only had $30 dollars left to my name so I knew this was probably going to cause me to bounce a check. I got the the place and guess what? I was ladies' day so they patched my tire for free! Whew, that was close, thanks God.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
unhindered
This was the last day of unhindered, Immanuel Fellowship's missions conference/retreat. I'm not really sure which one it is as this event kind of feels like both. Anyway, this is only the second time we've had it unhindered, but I think it's my favorite thing we do as a church. It's so envisioning.
This time our speakers were George Miley, Pete Greig, and Mike Phillips. What do we talk about at a missions conference/retreat? It was interesting. Last time we did a lot of talking about what church is, planting churches, overcomming our own insecurities, inner healing, and forgiveness. Last time I definately went away changed in the way I think. I've remembered a lot of what the speakers said and what God spoke to me during that time. Two years later unhindered has again surpassed my expectations. This time the theme is baciaclly the same: church planting. However, the speakers took it from a different angle this time.
Here are some of the things that stood out to me:
This time our speakers were George Miley, Pete Greig, and Mike Phillips. What do we talk about at a missions conference/retreat? It was interesting. Last time we did a lot of talking about what church is, planting churches, overcomming our own insecurities, inner healing, and forgiveness. Last time I definately went away changed in the way I think. I've remembered a lot of what the speakers said and what God spoke to me during that time. Two years later unhindered has again surpassed my expectations. This time the theme is baciaclly the same: church planting. However, the speakers took it from a different angle this time.
Here are some of the things that stood out to me:
- Mike said that if we plan on going and making disciples we first have to be disciples. We can't take others where we haven't been and are not going.
- Spiritual authority and power are two different things. Those who carry authority will feel weak more often than they feel strong, but God is looking for people willing to be His.
- Pride can hold us back but so can a more subtle lack of humility. Thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought. Teachability is really important in cross-cultural relationships.
- George talked about the importance of solitude. I missed that one, but everyone said it was really good; I'll have to get it on CD.
- Pete talked about focus. There will be times of failure and times of fruitfulness. We need to remember through both that our relationship with God is secure and His is working in us.
- Jenn and Joel made an incredible video about really loving Jesus more than life and being willing to drink His cup and feed His sheep. What is the cost of taking up your cross and dying on it?
- The desert is not something to run away from. It's a place to get close to God in preparation for the ministry He has chosen for you. We need to see it from God's view.
So much stuck out to me it's a bit hard to sort through it all. However, I think the biggest thing was the humility of the speakers themselves. A lot of people would come to an event like this and share their triumphs and miricle stories. You end up wondering why you just can't seem to reach as high as them. It wasn't that way here, they told us their failures and times of weakness and doubt. It was encouraging how much they talked about failure. So there is not something horribly wrong with me if I don't see amazing results every time I try to serve God. It's not the end of the world if something goes wrong. Overall I think that stood out the most. I get way too uptight about messing up. God help me trust You and risk more.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
God's love
Tonight (well, I guess last night) our housechurch talked about God's love. It was a really hard topic to help teach. Who am I to teach about God's love? I don't really know all that much about it....
I guess that's the beauty of a housechurch, everyone is there for everyone else and we all teach each other. This is definitely one of those nights where I feel like the things other people said really helped me more than I helped anyone else. They reminded me of what God's love is like. All of them were things I knew but had somehow forgotten. I hate it when I forget God's love; it's like holding my breath, senselessly waiting for air when it's all around me. Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear what you said tonight.
I guess that's the beauty of a housechurch, everyone is there for everyone else and we all teach each other. This is definitely one of those nights where I feel like the things other people said really helped me more than I helped anyone else. They reminded me of what God's love is like. All of them were things I knew but had somehow forgotten. I hate it when I forget God's love; it's like holding my breath, senselessly waiting for air when it's all around me. Thanks everyone, I really needed to hear what you said tonight.
Saturday, June 11, 2005
kilts
Ok, so I'm at my Aunt's house and I ran across this sick online store and I thought all my guy friends should know about it. Get your wallets out and prepare to be amazed by these super hott kilts! I'm especially impressed by the designer kilts. If I was a guy I'd be wearing either the Hand Over or the Bloodlines.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
radical church
Radical, revolutionary, unconventional, passionate, unhindered, whole-hearted, focused, sincere. Does this list of words make anyone think of the church? Not anyone who's been through as many American churches as I have. Maybe I've seen too much of the dirty reality of church in America. Is a higher vision than this possible? Is it realistic? Is a person insane to dream of more for the church?
I just finished reading this post by Jenn, a very good friend of mine. I know it's a bit long, but it's anything but boring and very worth taking the time to read. It's a well-written picture of what it would look like if the book of Acts had taken place in 21st century America. It leaves me wondering, what happened to church like that? Could there ever really be a church that looked like that in the modern world? I could imagine it in the part of the world where Christians are under heavy persecution. But what of the comfortable Western world? Could church ever look like that in the Western world? It seems ludicrous to even think about it. Could the comfortable, prosperity-infatuated, uncommitted, self-focused, western church ever really look like this? It doesn't seem possible to knock the western church out of it's self-infatuation.
Then again, who is the God of the impossible? When you read the Bible it almost seems like He likes bringing beauty out of the impossibly crippled. I'm not saying that there's no good in the Western church. I'm not saying it's a lost cause. I love the church. Yet I've never seen it like this. What would become of us if we actually attempted this? No, this is one of those things you cannot attempt; you either do it all the way or self-destruct trying. But what would happen? I think there would be a grand division in the church. Some would go for it. Others would stand back and see something they should be doing but not be able to do it because they love the world too much. Some would find an incredibly meaningful life this side of Heaven like they never imagined. Others would probably continue as they are. In studying church history a little I've noticed that the church tends to be it's own biggest persecutor. Those who are unwilling to change try to force everyone else to stay behind with them. They also tend to flippantly throw around words like heresy and cult without really knowing or caring about the beliefs of those they've so labeled.
It would be amazing to live to see and be a part of such a radical escape from the love of this life and materialism. Could I handle it? Would I resist? I do like to have a little space. But to be challenged to work out my Christianity in such closeness to my brothers and sisters would be an incredible growing experience. It would revolutionize the way all of us think about our relationship with Jesus, our spirituality, our church...everything. God could You make this happen?
I just finished reading this post by Jenn, a very good friend of mine. I know it's a bit long, but it's anything but boring and very worth taking the time to read. It's a well-written picture of what it would look like if the book of Acts had taken place in 21st century America. It leaves me wondering, what happened to church like that? Could there ever really be a church that looked like that in the modern world? I could imagine it in the part of the world where Christians are under heavy persecution. But what of the comfortable Western world? Could church ever look like that in the Western world? It seems ludicrous to even think about it. Could the comfortable, prosperity-infatuated, uncommitted, self-focused, western church ever really look like this? It doesn't seem possible to knock the western church out of it's self-infatuation.
Then again, who is the God of the impossible? When you read the Bible it almost seems like He likes bringing beauty out of the impossibly crippled. I'm not saying that there's no good in the Western church. I'm not saying it's a lost cause. I love the church. Yet I've never seen it like this. What would become of us if we actually attempted this? No, this is one of those things you cannot attempt; you either do it all the way or self-destruct trying. But what would happen? I think there would be a grand division in the church. Some would go for it. Others would stand back and see something they should be doing but not be able to do it because they love the world too much. Some would find an incredibly meaningful life this side of Heaven like they never imagined. Others would probably continue as they are. In studying church history a little I've noticed that the church tends to be it's own biggest persecutor. Those who are unwilling to change try to force everyone else to stay behind with them. They also tend to flippantly throw around words like heresy and cult without really knowing or caring about the beliefs of those they've so labeled.
It would be amazing to live to see and be a part of such a radical escape from the love of this life and materialism. Could I handle it? Would I resist? I do like to have a little space. But to be challenged to work out my Christianity in such closeness to my brothers and sisters would be an incredible growing experience. It would revolutionize the way all of us think about our relationship with Jesus, our spirituality, our church...everything. God could You make this happen?
Friday, June 03, 2005
ids graduation
Last night some of my friends graduated from our church's private high school. There were four people in the graduating class: Marie, Isaac, Emily, and Ben. It was the coolest graduation ever! (Ok, ok, so I've only been to one other graduation ceremony, but it was still the best!) It was formal and every one in the class made a speech. They all did a really good job, especially Marie. Hers was absolutely brilliant, she was organized, polished, funny, and sincere - she even quoted some poetry she had written for it. Good work everyone!
Sunday, May 29, 2005
revenge of the sith
I just watched Episode III with my dad and sisters. This is the second time this week. I'm a nerd about Star Wars. I can name most of the ships, planets, and characters, especially in the original three. Which I have practically memorized, wearing out the copies I had on VHS before getting them on DVD.
It's interesting the differences between the original three and the latest additions to the story. Obviously the graphics are much better and the lightsaber fights are way faster and better choreographed. Aside from the obvious, I noticed two other big things that have changed.
The next most obvious thing that has changed is Yoda. He's way cuter, more expressive, and one bad little green blur with a lightsaber. No one can even try to stop him when he's in action. The way he talks is different too. It really got on my nerves the way he says everything backwards, "Good relations with the Wookies I have." Maybe he's always talked like that, I guess he's had a bigger role recently. Yoda has also always talked like a Buddhist, but it's way more obvious now. This is especially true of this final episode, "You must learn to let go of all that you care about." Interesting thought, what is life without caring?
The other thing that has changed is the view of good and evil. It's interesting, in the original three good is a purer shade of white and evil is black. In the new ones they are much more confused; coming out as dark grey and light grey. The dark side is obviously bad but the light side also makes a lot of mistakes, leaving Anakin confused and easy prey for Lord Sidious. I guess real life is like that though, hind-sight is 20/20 so by the time Luke Skywalker arrives on the scene everybody knows who is the oppressor and who isn't.
I hope I don't sound negative. I'm not trying to be. Over all I liked the movie. It was sad watching Anakin fall though.
It's interesting the differences between the original three and the latest additions to the story. Obviously the graphics are much better and the lightsaber fights are way faster and better choreographed. Aside from the obvious, I noticed two other big things that have changed.
The next most obvious thing that has changed is Yoda. He's way cuter, more expressive, and one bad little green blur with a lightsaber. No one can even try to stop him when he's in action. The way he talks is different too. It really got on my nerves the way he says everything backwards, "Good relations with the Wookies I have." Maybe he's always talked like that, I guess he's had a bigger role recently. Yoda has also always talked like a Buddhist, but it's way more obvious now. This is especially true of this final episode, "You must learn to let go of all that you care about." Interesting thought, what is life without caring?
The other thing that has changed is the view of good and evil. It's interesting, in the original three good is a purer shade of white and evil is black. In the new ones they are much more confused; coming out as dark grey and light grey. The dark side is obviously bad but the light side also makes a lot of mistakes, leaving Anakin confused and easy prey for Lord Sidious. I guess real life is like that though, hind-sight is 20/20 so by the time Luke Skywalker arrives on the scene everybody knows who is the oppressor and who isn't.
I hope I don't sound negative. I'm not trying to be. Over all I liked the movie. It was sad watching Anakin fall though.
Saturday, May 28, 2005
singles' retreat
I just got back from Immanuel Fellowship's first singles' retreat. It was a great 24 hours. We started yesterday with an awesome time of worship. I've kinda had a hard week. At first I felt like I couldn't come into God's presence and worried that I would waste the weekend like that. I was cool how God brought me into His presence anyway.
This morning I went for a run before breakfast. After breakfast we had a time set aside to go out-side and seek God. I was pretty distracted, but focused enough to hear God speak to me about a fear I've been struggling with.
During the first session we talked about the fear of God, like in Psalm 111:10. We talked about this for a pretty long time, about what it is and for a long time about what it isn't. This part really stuck out to me more than the rest. It's an interesting balance being both a friend and servant of God.
Later we had another time to just be with God, followed by another session. Then it was over; it was really short. God spoke so much to me this weekend, way too much to begin to write here. I hope I can hold on to it all.
This morning I went for a run before breakfast. After breakfast we had a time set aside to go out-side and seek God. I was pretty distracted, but focused enough to hear God speak to me about a fear I've been struggling with.
During the first session we talked about the fear of God, like in Psalm 111:10. We talked about this for a pretty long time, about what it is and for a long time about what it isn't. This part really stuck out to me more than the rest. It's an interesting balance being both a friend and servant of God.
Later we had another time to just be with God, followed by another session. Then it was over; it was really short. God spoke so much to me this weekend, way too much to begin to write here. I hope I can hold on to it all.
Friday, May 27, 2005
never wasted
I'm reading a book about Amy Carmichael. It contains a lot of her quotes along with things which had encouraged her but hadn't been written by her. In some places the author is not clear who wrote what, so I'm not sure who wrote this:
Sometimes I worry that I'm going to waste what God has entrusted me with, especially the things listed in this quote. Yet if I'm fully His and doing my best to listen and live in His will then maybe this is one of the burdens Jesus desires that I lay at His feet. Really, no matter how good I am I can't prevent waste; I'm only human. Once I heard Judy, Isaac's mom, say, "Nothing laid at the feet of Jesus is ever wasted." God help me lay my life and efforts to serve You at Your feet. Help me trust You to keep all of it.
God never wastes His servants' pain.
God never wastes His servants' time.
God never wastes His servants' toil.
God never wastes His servants' gifts.
Sometimes I worry that I'm going to waste what God has entrusted me with, especially the things listed in this quote. Yet if I'm fully His and doing my best to listen and live in His will then maybe this is one of the burdens Jesus desires that I lay at His feet. Really, no matter how good I am I can't prevent waste; I'm only human. Once I heard Judy, Isaac's mom, say, "Nothing laid at the feet of Jesus is ever wasted." God help me lay my life and efforts to serve You at Your feet. Help me trust You to keep all of it.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
a ring
Today I put on a ring. While I was in Annecy God made me a promise. It is actually something He's promised me before, several times. I seem to have an amazing ability to forget this particular promise. So while I was in Annecy and God was reminding me again He asked me to put on a ring so that I could have something tangible to help me remember. I looked all over in Annecy and in Chamonix with no luck. Every thing was either gaudy or big and manly or really expensive. I was super frustrated when we left Chamonix and I was still without this ring I felt like I was supposed to buy. Later God assured me that He would get me a ring to remember. Interesting, I thought and kinda forgot about it.
Well this week I was spring cleaning my room, digging every last possession out of every last little cranny and mercilessly throwing stuff out. (My room is very small and lacks the space for sentimental clutter.) I found a ring in a little jewelry box in the bottom of my trunk. I have no idea where it originally came from. Actually, I'm not sure if I ever remember owning it. However it came to be there, it's perfect. I'm glad I didn't find anything in France.
Kinda funny, most people wear rings religiously to signify a promise they made to God. (Like a purity ring.) It's cool that God is also willing to make us promises. It's a little overwhelming that someone as important as God would make me a promise. I guess God's not too worried about His image or looking weak because He's close to things so small as individual people. Amazing how well He knows what I'll do before I do it. Wearing this little band of metal has really helped me remember what God has spoken to me. As to what that promise is...well, that's between God and I. ;)
Well this week I was spring cleaning my room, digging every last possession out of every last little cranny and mercilessly throwing stuff out. (My room is very small and lacks the space for sentimental clutter.) I found a ring in a little jewelry box in the bottom of my trunk. I have no idea where it originally came from. Actually, I'm not sure if I ever remember owning it. However it came to be there, it's perfect. I'm glad I didn't find anything in France.
Kinda funny, most people wear rings religiously to signify a promise they made to God. (Like a purity ring.) It's cool that God is also willing to make us promises. It's a little overwhelming that someone as important as God would make me a promise. I guess God's not too worried about His image or looking weak because He's close to things so small as individual people. Amazing how well He knows what I'll do before I do it. Wearing this little band of metal has really helped me remember what God has spoken to me. As to what that promise is...well, that's between God and I. ;)
Monday, May 23, 2005
what's your worldview?
This one was very interesting, thanks Isaac. I don't really know what cultural creative means though...
You scored as Cultural Creative.
Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
You scored as Cultural Creative.
Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.
What is Your World View? (corrected...again) created with QuizFarm.com |
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
last day
So since my last post I've been to Chomonix, Marseille, and Taizé. Chomonix was a short visit, we ate lunch and prayed there for a little while, then moved on to Marseille on the Mediterranean coast. It has a very different feel culturally from the places we've been so far. A little more laid-back I guess.
We spent two nights in Marseille. We prayed over the city, and took a boat out to the island where the book, The Count of Monte Christo took place. While most of us where there Isaac went to a neighboring island and spent an hour being attacked by vicious, man-eating sea-gulls. In the process he lost his cell phone. So when the rest of us finally joined him on the island we had to help him retrace his steps looking for it. However, being the good friends that we are, we willingly followed him into perilous territory after laughing hysterically at his ordeal. We also took pictures of him first; he was kind of messy. He, he...I'm still laughing. I would be more sympathetic if it wasn't so incredibly hilarious. Anyway, we followed Isaac into the gulls' territory and they took a lot of dives at us and screamed a lot, but with six of us they were far less emboldened than they had been with only one. We eventually found the phone by calling it continually with Mike's phone till someone who had found it answered it. (How the person found a phone abandoned in such a dangerous place none of us ever found out.) So this story ends happily. : D
After Marseille we went to Taizé (and I left all the gifts I had bought my family behind in the hotel...brilliant). I think this was one of the highlights of the trip for me. I really liked the feel of community the place had, no sense that you're trying to break into somebody's established clique, everybody's willing to let you be their friend. It's super easy to talk to people there for the most part. However, people there are from all over the world, especially Europe. There was a German holiday during our weekend there so a lot of people were from Germany. I only know toe things in German: hello and something else impractical and maybe slightly inappropriate, definitely not a way to introduce yourself. :s I really liked being there and feeling lost in a group of people speaking seven different languages. Usually though people used English as a common language. The services were pretty cool. There were very simple worship songs sung in fifteen different languages, with no real visible worship leader. The worship times always had a long period of silence (which for a room of two thousand people was very impressively silent), this was a good time to focus as they were usually towards the beginning of the worship. They would also read a verse about Jesus between songs in many different languages. I was sorry I only got to be there for a day. Someday it would be really cool to go for a whole week.
Today we're back in Paris, in a suburb called Saint Germaine, and we leave tomorrow. Wow, this trip seemed really short. I'll miss you France.
We spent two nights in Marseille. We prayed over the city, and took a boat out to the island where the book, The Count of Monte Christo took place. While most of us where there Isaac went to a neighboring island and spent an hour being attacked by vicious, man-eating sea-gulls. In the process he lost his cell phone. So when the rest of us finally joined him on the island we had to help him retrace his steps looking for it. However, being the good friends that we are, we willingly followed him into perilous territory after laughing hysterically at his ordeal. We also took pictures of him first; he was kind of messy. He, he...I'm still laughing. I would be more sympathetic if it wasn't so incredibly hilarious. Anyway, we followed Isaac into the gulls' territory and they took a lot of dives at us and screamed a lot, but with six of us they were far less emboldened than they had been with only one. We eventually found the phone by calling it continually with Mike's phone till someone who had found it answered it. (How the person found a phone abandoned in such a dangerous place none of us ever found out.) So this story ends happily. : D
After Marseille we went to Taizé (and I left all the gifts I had bought my family behind in the hotel...brilliant). I think this was one of the highlights of the trip for me. I really liked the feel of community the place had, no sense that you're trying to break into somebody's established clique, everybody's willing to let you be their friend. It's super easy to talk to people there for the most part. However, people there are from all over the world, especially Europe. There was a German holiday during our weekend there so a lot of people were from Germany. I only know toe things in German: hello and something else impractical and maybe slightly inappropriate, definitely not a way to introduce yourself. :s I really liked being there and feeling lost in a group of people speaking seven different languages. Usually though people used English as a common language. The services were pretty cool. There were very simple worship songs sung in fifteen different languages, with no real visible worship leader. The worship times always had a long period of silence (which for a room of two thousand people was very impressively silent), this was a good time to focus as they were usually towards the beginning of the worship. They would also read a verse about Jesus between songs in many different languages. I was sorry I only got to be there for a day. Someday it would be really cool to go for a whole week.
Today we're back in Paris, in a suburb called Saint Germaine, and we leave tomorrow. Wow, this trip seemed really short. I'll miss you France.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
annecy
We've left Paris and are now in a town called Annecy. It is the cutest place I've ever been in my life. I think this is my favorite place so far. It looks just like a perfect little fairy-tail storybook picture with all these little canals running through the old part of town. It's known as the Vince of France for a reason.
Since Annecy is a mountain town, we all felt like we could relate better to the people there. We spent yesterday and part of the day before exploring and asking God if this is where He wants us to plant a church. We really felt like God said no, not here now. So we are moving on, today we're heading for Marseille, and stopping by Chomonix for lunch.
...Sorry about there links this computer doesn't let me see the pictures, so I don't know how they look.
Since Annecy is a mountain town, we all felt like we could relate better to the people there. We spent yesterday and part of the day before exploring and asking God if this is where He wants us to plant a church. We really felt like God said no, not here now. So we are moving on, today we're heading for Marseille, and stopping by Chomonix for lunch.
...Sorry about there links this computer doesn't let me see the pictures, so I don't know how they look.
Monday, May 09, 2005
prayer walking
Today we prayer walked down the center of Paris. We started at the Bastille and went to the Arche du Triumph. It was kinda anti-climatic. I've been on prayer walks before where I definitely felt something happen. This time I didn't, but it was very tiring like many of the other prayer walks I've been on. Kinda funny how they always drain you. Anyway even though I didn't get the privilege of actually seeing or feeling the results of my prayers I know God will remember all that we prayed today and be faithful to answer at the right time.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
je suis arrivé
This is my third day in Paris, and it is every bit as lovely as it is in all the movies and travel adds. This is especially true of the Latin Quarter where I am staying. I think it might have looked about the same at the turn of the century - except the cars were a little different back then. ;)
Yesterday we spent some time just praying and asking God to guide us. We also listened for Him to give any impressions about France, the people, or what out next move should be. We've allowed enough flexibility for God to lead us or change our plans. We also went to the largest Christian bookstore in France, which was about the size of a small bookstore in the States. Things are more space efficent here, still it was smaller than I expected.
Today we did some exploring further out in the city. We met a Pakistani immagrant and had an interesting conversation with him. Five of the people in our group of six speak English, Spanish, and French at varying levels; the sixth person is learning Spanish and already knows English. The Pakistani man also spoke some of all three of these languages so we ended up switching back and fourth quite a lot.
Yesterday we spent some time just praying and asking God to guide us. We also listened for Him to give any impressions about France, the people, or what out next move should be. We've allowed enough flexibility for God to lead us or change our plans. We also went to the largest Christian bookstore in France, which was about the size of a small bookstore in the States. Things are more space efficent here, still it was smaller than I expected.
Today we did some exploring further out in the city. We met a Pakistani immagrant and had an interesting conversation with him. Five of the people in our group of six speak English, Spanish, and French at varying levels; the sixth person is learning Spanish and already knows English. The Pakistani man also spoke some of all three of these languages so we ended up switching back and fourth quite a lot.
Monday, May 02, 2005
leaving today
Later today I'm leaving for France! I leave for the Denver airport at 10:00 this morning. It's a church trip, I'm going with Marie, Isaac, Isaac's dad Mike, Andy, and Jillian. Just six of us are going, we'll be more mobile that way. We're really praying for God to lead us and show us where He would maybe have us plant a church someday. I'll try to post more in France than I did in Mexico.
Sunday, May 01, 2005
agent orange
I just read this article. I'm really disappointed with our government. Maybe "disappointed" is too weak a word. What hypocrisy! We go into Iraq looking for chemical weapons, among other things and make such a big deal about how wrong it is. Yet we have not made restitution for what we did in Vietnam on the basis that what we did wasn't illegal at the time. Just because it wasn't illegal doesn't make it okay! What kind of horrible logic is that? If we're going to act like we're the world's police we had better get it together and be consistent.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
correct me please
I don't think this little site gets many hits. However, if anyone of the Jewish faith read that last post and was offended, I'm sorry. Like I said I don't really know anything first-hand. Feel free to comment and correct me if I'm wrong or anything. I'd love to be corrected.
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
modern judaism
Last night I listened to Luna and Ruben talk about modern Judaism. It was heartbreaking. Almost all I know about Judaism is in the Bible. Today, of course, it can't be what it was in the Bible. Back then it was centered around the temple and animal sacrifices. Now there is no temple, there hasn't been for....about two thousand years I think. My Jewish friends were talking about how far Judaism has fallen from what it used to be. Ruben especially was saying that it isn't about God anymore, it's about culture and being Jewish and keeping an identity.
Not that those things are bad, but to have a religion just for the sake of being religious is horrible. It's so empty and unfullfilling. I guess I'm getting all of this second hand though. I don't really know anything. I'm sure there are a lot of Jews who really follow Judaism because they love God. I hope so. I really love the Jewish people and as a Christian I feel indebted to them because they're the people to whom Jesus was sent. Their history was the one I grew up hearing about in Sunday School; I new it long before I knew American history.
God please touch Judaism. Bring it back to its ancient beauty of being focused on You. Your people have been so faithful to continue in their religious traditions for centuries without a temple or a nation to call their own. Please bless their faithfulness and bring them close to You. Show Yourself to them again in a powerful way. Thanks for Your promise to always be faithful to them.
Not that those things are bad, but to have a religion just for the sake of being religious is horrible. It's so empty and unfullfilling. I guess I'm getting all of this second hand though. I don't really know anything. I'm sure there are a lot of Jews who really follow Judaism because they love God. I hope so. I really love the Jewish people and as a Christian I feel indebted to them because they're the people to whom Jesus was sent. Their history was the one I grew up hearing about in Sunday School; I new it long before I knew American history.
God please touch Judaism. Bring it back to its ancient beauty of being focused on You. Your people have been so faithful to continue in their religious traditions for centuries without a temple or a nation to call their own. Please bless their faithfulness and bring them close to You. Show Yourself to them again in a powerful way. Thanks for Your promise to always be faithful to them.
passover
Everyone in Immanuel Fellowship has been encouraged to ask God for two or three friends who are not Christians to be praying for. Of course we are hopefully praying for others around us as well, but these are some people you feel like God would have you be especially focused on in prayer and in looking for opportunities to share Jesus.
Tonight I took a Jewish friend of mine, Luna, to a sader dinner held in an A&W restaurant by some Messianic Jews who work with Menorah. It was well done as always. Very traditional Passover meal except the fact that Ruben, who was leading the dinner, spoke of Jesus’ work on the cross to free us from our sins every chance he got. The Passover dinner provides a surprising amount of non-tacky ways to share Jesus. It’s perfect actually. He compared Jesus to the Passover lamb and talked about how He frees us from the slavery of sin just as God freed the Hebrews from Egypt. I was praying during the whole meal that Luna would be able to hear God speaking to her in all that Ruben said.
We ended up staying over an hour after the dinner was over just talking to Ruben and his wife. He was able to share Jesus with her in a way I never could have, explaining how He is God’s answer to our sin, for both Jews and Gentiles. He told her of how God was able to show His love for Ruben and draw him into a friendship. Ruben asked her if she wanted to pray and giver her life to Jesus and start a friendship with God. She said that was what she’d been wanting. The three of us prayed together. They exchanged phone numbers so they could keep in touch and she could come to him and his wife with her questions about being a Christian.
God this is so awesome! Help me support Luna as she’s learning how to walk in this new life she’s asked You for. Draw her close to You; help her not to be passive about this but run after You. God keep her in You.
Tonight I took a Jewish friend of mine, Luna, to a sader dinner held in an A&W restaurant by some Messianic Jews who work with Menorah. It was well done as always. Very traditional Passover meal except the fact that Ruben, who was leading the dinner, spoke of Jesus’ work on the cross to free us from our sins every chance he got. The Passover dinner provides a surprising amount of non-tacky ways to share Jesus. It’s perfect actually. He compared Jesus to the Passover lamb and talked about how He frees us from the slavery of sin just as God freed the Hebrews from Egypt. I was praying during the whole meal that Luna would be able to hear God speaking to her in all that Ruben said.
We ended up staying over an hour after the dinner was over just talking to Ruben and his wife. He was able to share Jesus with her in a way I never could have, explaining how He is God’s answer to our sin, for both Jews and Gentiles. He told her of how God was able to show His love for Ruben and draw him into a friendship. Ruben asked her if she wanted to pray and giver her life to Jesus and start a friendship with God. She said that was what she’d been wanting. The three of us prayed together. They exchanged phone numbers so they could keep in touch and she could come to him and his wife with her questions about being a Christian.
God this is so awesome! Help me support Luna as she’s learning how to walk in this new life she’s asked You for. Draw her close to You; help her not to be passive about this but run after You. God keep her in You.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
identity
Where do I get my identity? Is it from my parents? How I look like or act? Leading a housechurch? Hopefully not either of my jobs. ;)
Good questions, it'd be nice if I could find some answers. Among other things God's been challenging me in this area the last few weeks. Especially in regards to finding it in either my parents or in being a housechurch leader.
God help me find my identity only in You. You made me, You bought me, You know me better than I do. Help me see Your view of me...
Good questions, it'd be nice if I could find some answers. Among other things God's been challenging me in this area the last few weeks. Especially in regards to finding it in either my parents or in being a housechurch leader.
God help me find my identity only in You. You made me, You bought me, You know me better than I do. Help me see Your view of me...
links
I added some links to the side of my blog. It looks kinda....not the way I wanted it to look. Hmmm...
Saturday, April 23, 2005
all i can do
shattered
it's shattered
and scattered on the ground
helpless
i'm helpless
and i am lying down
hands
these hands
i know You hold me
can't escape this love
weak
so weak and afriad
help me believe You save
keep me looking into Your eyes
it's all i can do
it's shattered
and scattered on the ground
helpless
i'm helpless
and i am lying down
hands
these hands
i know You hold me
can't escape this love
weak
so weak and afriad
help me believe You save
keep me looking into Your eyes
it's all i can do
Sunday, March 20, 2005
the saga of the subaru
Yes, I know I've posted about my car a lot lately, but this is a big deal as I do not have the money for another car. My dad came and looked at my car again. We bought a new starter so now it's working again. He checked the oil and anti-freeze and found that they are leaking and so it's a simple problem and my car will be lasting a lot longer. Thanks God!
Friday, March 18, 2005
car lives...and dies again
So last night when my family was over here for Joanie's birthday my dad looked at my car and found that it is not dead. (Horray!) The problem is a simple case of the starter not automatically shutting itself of when I start the car. I drove it last night and it was fine. Now I just know that I have to shut it off manually. My car lives.
Well this morning I drove to the prayer room for the 4-5 shift. When I was done my car wouldn't start; the engine wouldn't even turn over. So I slept in the prayer room again. In the morning it still wouldn't start so I caught a ride home. So it's still not working, what a crazy week!
Well this morning I drove to the prayer room for the 4-5 shift. When I was done my car wouldn't start; the engine wouldn't even turn over. So I slept in the prayer room again. In the morning it still wouldn't start so I caught a ride home. So it's still not working, what a crazy week!
pete greg
Pete Greg, who kinda accidentally started 24/7 prayer, came to our housechurch leaders' meeting today. It was...fun. Well, maybe that's not quite the right word, um let me try that again. We started the night eating dinner and hanging out. Then we worshipped. After that Pete shared with the group and we all ended up talking about reaching out to people, discipling, failure, eating what's set before you, and of course Easter Saturday. In the process we ended up laughing a lot. So it was serious and fun.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
joanie
Today is Joanie's birthday!!!
My little sister is turning seventeen today. She's quite excited. Joanie's one of those people who will still be making everyone in church sing the birthday song to her when she turns eighty-four. That's the way to do it!
I remember when she was born, I got to hold her in the hospital. Jacque's beat me to writing about her on her birthday. Yea, when I was like seven I thought that they had a secret society witch included mind-control over our parents. I had quit believing it by the time that red one incident happened, but my little sisters always had a sort of almost telepathic was of communicating with each other.
Joanie is one of the funniest people on the planet. She can easily bring me to helpless laughter without even touching me. I can also bring her to helpless laughter but am obligated to get my results through tickling. ;) I think she's also one of the most ticklish people I know. Ahh, the good memories.
Anyway, I went swimming with all my little sisters today. It was quite fun. We all went down the water slide some and unsuccessfully tried to splash over the edge. Except Jacque, she's still got arm issues. Then we went out to eat at La Perla, a very authentic Mexican resturant. Joanie and I both had beef tongue tacos. Very good.
My little sister is turning seventeen today. She's quite excited. Joanie's one of those people who will still be making everyone in church sing the birthday song to her when she turns eighty-four. That's the way to do it!
I remember when she was born, I got to hold her in the hospital. Jacque's beat me to writing about her on her birthday. Yea, when I was like seven I thought that they had a secret society witch included mind-control over our parents. I had quit believing it by the time that red one incident happened, but my little sisters always had a sort of almost telepathic was of communicating with each other.
Joanie is one of the funniest people on the planet. She can easily bring me to helpless laughter without even touching me. I can also bring her to helpless laughter but am obligated to get my results through tickling. ;) I think she's also one of the most ticklish people I know. Ahh, the good memories.
Anyway, I went swimming with all my little sisters today. It was quite fun. We all went down the water slide some and unsuccessfully tried to splash over the edge. Except Jacque, she's still got arm issues. Then we went out to eat at La Perla, a very authentic Mexican resturant. Joanie and I both had beef tongue tacos. Very good.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
poor dead car
My car died last night. I had the 2 a.m. shift in the prayer room. The engine sounded bad on the drive there, really high-pitch and strained, and the car was super sluggish. After my shift was over the car wouldn't start. So I slept in the prayer room and in the morning it was fine. I drove home to get breakfast and when I tried to go to work I couldn't even get the engine to turn over. I think the end is here. My dad told me awhile ago that one day soon it would randomly quit on me. I was hoping it would wait awhile longer.
Monday, March 14, 2005
raise?
Well my dad believes that my car has a cracked head. I have to refill the oil and the anti-freeze every week. Hence my little car will not be lasting me too much longer. Very sad. In need of a new car I've been looking for a new job that would pay more than $9 an hour (which isn't very much in this area).
Last week I told my boss at Bristlecone that I needed a raise or I would have to look for another job. She told me that unfortunately she could not give me a raise because all the raises in the company are frozen. If she gave me a raise she would have to give the other deserving people a raise and the company can't handle it right now. I had known this but I thought I would at least give it a shot.
My boss offered me another option. There is another position (I am currently a Personal Care Provider) opening up in May, it's an Independent Life Skills Trainer and it pays $15 dollars an hour and only requires a little more training than I already have. Well, today I went for an interview with my prospective patient and her husband and I got the job!
Last week I told my boss at Bristlecone that I needed a raise or I would have to look for another job. She told me that unfortunately she could not give me a raise because all the raises in the company are frozen. If she gave me a raise she would have to give the other deserving people a raise and the company can't handle it right now. I had known this but I thought I would at least give it a shot.
My boss offered me another option. There is another position (I am currently a Personal Care Provider) opening up in May, it's an Independent Life Skills Trainer and it pays $15 dollars an hour and only requires a little more training than I already have. Well, today I went for an interview with my prospective patient and her husband and I got the job!
Sunday, March 13, 2005
Jamie
Wednesday I found out that Jamie, a friend of mine, died in a car accident. I feel numb, she was only a few months older than me. She was kinda a member of my family, we shared my grandparents. Well...My sister Jacque gives a better description of her here.
Jamie was definitely one of my best friends in Sidney Nebraska, where she lived. Whenever I was in Sidney she would get together and do stuff with my younger sisters and I. She also would invite me along to do stuff with her and her friends. She even let me go with her to a sleep-over once. She was very kind, smiled a lot, cool, and quite pretty. She had plenty of friends without me. I was very shy through most of my teen years so it really meant a lot to me that she often went so out of her way to make me feel like a part of whatever group she invited me into.
It almost doesn't seem possible that she's dead so quickly.
Jamie was definitely one of my best friends in Sidney Nebraska, where she lived. Whenever I was in Sidney she would get together and do stuff with my younger sisters and I. She also would invite me along to do stuff with her and her friends. She even let me go with her to a sleep-over once. She was very kind, smiled a lot, cool, and quite pretty. She had plenty of friends without me. I was very shy through most of my teen years so it really meant a lot to me that she often went so out of her way to make me feel like a part of whatever group she invited me into.
It almost doesn't seem possible that she's dead so quickly.
three weeks
We are starting another season of 24/7 prayer today. A bunch of us have worked on redecorating it this week. It looks great but my part still isn't quite done. :s I have to draw a globe. It's proven pretty hard so far, even a little frustrating. I'm trying to take something round and draw it on a flat piece of paper. There are a couple of pictures of the prayer room here. Also the hours are looking pretty full already.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
joanie's back
Joanie's back from China. My little sister was in Lijiang, in south western China. She got to help teach English classes there. She also got to see Bei jing, Tienamen Square, the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, the Temple of Heaven, and the Summer Palace. I sounds like a really cool trip.
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