Tonight I got together with a few friends for dinner. It was an interesting night; usually I don't hang out with these people outside of events like work. There were five of us around the counter top in Elena's apartment. Elena is Spanish, Omar's Mexican, Feliz is Turkish, Bret's American, and I am American. All of us having traveled some we of course ended up talking about traveling and the differences in cultures and governments.
We're also all bilingual, or in my case semi-bilingual, and mostly between Spanish and English. It was interesting listening to Spanish Maria and Mexican Omar talk about their language. We ended up with a friendly little dispute over pronunciation. Bret and I only added to this as he learned his Spanish in Spain and I leaned mine from people who lived in Mexico City not too far from Omar's home. He said he could tell I'd gotten my accent from "La Ciudad" which is a huge complement. It means that I speak well enough to have an accent other than gringo. :D :D :D
He may have just been flattering me, but I have reason to hope he wasn't since he corrected my Spanish every other sentence when we changed languages after Feliz left. I still have a long way to go. :S
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
biology test
I took my first biology test today. Arg. I hate studying for tests, especially the first test. I never know how to study, what the teachers style, or what kind of questions the teacher will ask. I always feel like I actually have to study the night before; this time I did. :s
Not that I'm incredibly smart and don't need to study, it's just that at about $1,000 a semester CMC isn't exactly Harvard and well... you get the picture. Anyway, I think I did alright on most of it. I'll find out in a week. If I could change anything about myself today I would have a photographic memory so then I would never have to study. ; )
Not that I'm incredibly smart and don't need to study, it's just that at about $1,000 a semester CMC isn't exactly Harvard and well... you get the picture. Anyway, I think I did alright on most of it. I'll find out in a week. If I could change anything about myself today I would have a photographic memory so then I would never have to study. ; )
Thursday, September 22, 2005
He leads me
Last Saturday we spent most of the night praying for each other. I seem to be at one of those points where I know where I want to be: much closer to God. I'm seeing my desperate need for Jesus. I feel like I know where I'm going, however totally lost on how to get there. It's so frustrating to feel like you're desperate to move forward but helpless and lost as far as actually making progress in concerned. Also feeling weak and worried and susceptible to falling. Well everyone was praying for me and encouraging me by reminding me that God's in control. Even if I'm not sure how to get where I want to be He is leading. I don't remember exactly what they said but it gave me this picture of being led through the dense jungle by Jesus. Like He's breaking the trail with one arm and with the other is holding my hand. The only thorns come my way are those He's allowed. As long as I hold His hand I don't need to see where I'm going or be able to find my way out.
It was a beautiful picture.......which I promptly forgot as soon as this week hit me. Still feeling no forward motion in my walk with God. In addition I am actually, literally penniless. I get paid on Wednesday so normally this wouldn't be too big of a problem. However, my checking account was over-drawn by two dollars and some odd cents. I've got one of those accounts where the bank charges me every day till I pay up. By Wednesday that would've been my entire paycheck. So I was stressing out and very nearly crying over my sad state (two dollars has never felt so impossibly huge) when Erick came to the bank to see Hannah. We both sat at her customer service desk while she finished up the day's business on the phone. He didn't know what was wrong but tried to cheer me up till I worked up the courage to ask him for the huge sum that I owed the bank. Of course he gladly gave it. Everything's alright and just like that I'm saved for the rest of the week. Sad how two dollars made me forget so quickly such a beautiful picture of Jesus leading me. I think I must really be an adult now. :S
Well today after going for a run (there's snow on the peaks above the tree line!) I sat and read my Bible and God showed me this:
"I will lead the blind by a they do not
know,
In paths they do not know I will guide
them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone."
~ Isaiah 42:16
God help me learn to trust You to do this for me......
It was a beautiful picture.......which I promptly forgot as soon as this week hit me. Still feeling no forward motion in my walk with God. In addition I am actually, literally penniless. I get paid on Wednesday so normally this wouldn't be too big of a problem. However, my checking account was over-drawn by two dollars and some odd cents. I've got one of those accounts where the bank charges me every day till I pay up. By Wednesday that would've been my entire paycheck. So I was stressing out and very nearly crying over my sad state (two dollars has never felt so impossibly huge) when Erick came to the bank to see Hannah. We both sat at her customer service desk while she finished up the day's business on the phone. He didn't know what was wrong but tried to cheer me up till I worked up the courage to ask him for the huge sum that I owed the bank. Of course he gladly gave it. Everything's alright and just like that I'm saved for the rest of the week. Sad how two dollars made me forget so quickly such a beautiful picture of Jesus leading me. I think I must really be an adult now. :S
Well today after going for a run (there's snow on the peaks above the tree line!) I sat and read my Bible and God showed me this:
"I will lead the blind by a they do not
know,
In paths they do not know I will guide
them.
I will make darkness into light before them
And rugged places into plains.
These things I will do,
And I will not leave them undone."
~ Isaiah 42:16
God help me learn to trust You to do this for me......
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
from silken self
From prayer that asks that I may be
Sheltered from the winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
Not thus are our spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod,
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
~ Amy Carmichael
God, give me the courage to really pray that.
Sheltered from the winds that beat on Thee,
From fearing when I should aspire,
From faltering when I should climb higher,
From silken self, O Captain free
Thy soldier who would follow Thee.
From subtle love of softening things,
From easy choices, weakenings,
Not thus are our spirits fortified,
Not this way went the Crucified,
From all that dims Thy Calvary,
O Lamb of God deliver me.
Give me the love that leads the way,
The faith that nothing can dismay,
The hope no disappointments tire,
The passion that will burn like fire,
Let me not sink to be a clod,
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.
~ Amy Carmichael
God, give me the courage to really pray that.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
encouragement
I think I learned something at housechurch tonight. I got the answer to a question that's been nagging me for a long time.
I used to think that if a bunch of people were excited and sharing what God's doing in their lives and I was the only one who's down I should just keep my mouth shut and not ruin a good thing. Or the opposite, that if I was trying to encourage someone who's down I shouldn't tell them what's exciting me. That fell apart last night in housechurch.
I had the prayer shift right before the gathering and Emily came in and talked with me for a couple of hours. She could tell I'd been kinda discouraged and listened to me talk about what's been going on. Then she told me, bubbling over with excitement, about how much God has been working in her life. It really encouraged me. I don't think my downess stole from her excitement at all. So I think all those ideas I used to have were wrong.
Then everyone else arrived and we had such a good time praying for each other. Some were super excited about what God's doing in them. Others were feeling more discouraged about the challenges they're facing. It was so cool and encouraging. We're really getting close as a group and it's exciting. God, please keep working in us. Please don't let this be just the passing hype of the moment. Keep working and do something deep and permanent in us.....
I used to think that if a bunch of people were excited and sharing what God's doing in their lives and I was the only one who's down I should just keep my mouth shut and not ruin a good thing. Or the opposite, that if I was trying to encourage someone who's down I shouldn't tell them what's exciting me. That fell apart last night in housechurch.
I had the prayer shift right before the gathering and Emily came in and talked with me for a couple of hours. She could tell I'd been kinda discouraged and listened to me talk about what's been going on. Then she told me, bubbling over with excitement, about how much God has been working in her life. It really encouraged me. I don't think my downess stole from her excitement at all. So I think all those ideas I used to have were wrong.
Then everyone else arrived and we had such a good time praying for each other. Some were super excited about what God's doing in them. Others were feeling more discouraged about the challenges they're facing. It was so cool and encouraging. We're really getting close as a group and it's exciting. God, please keep working in us. Please don't let this be just the passing hype of the moment. Keep working and do something deep and permanent in us.....
Saturday, September 17, 2005
wipe away
Yesterday I hiked up the side of Mt. Royal to sat on a rock and read my Bible. I found something I've never seen before.
"The LORD of hosts will prepare a lavish
banquet of all the peoples on this mountain;
A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with
marrow,
And refined, aged wine.
And on this mountain He will swallow up
the covering which is over all people,
Even the veil which is stretched over all
nations.
He will swallow up death for all time,
And the lord GOD will wipe tears away
from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His
people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.
And it will be said on that day,
"Behold, this is our God for whom we have
waited that He might save us.
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."
- Isaiah 25:6-9
It's cool the picture of God's love I got while I read this. I'm the oldest in my family and when one of my younger sisters (or even younger girl friends sometimes) is hurting I just would do anything if I could move the entire universe and make it stop. I wish so badly that I could be the hero of the moment and take away whatever the cause of these tears are. (I've gotten myself in trouble more than a few times trying.) Today watching the sun begin to set God showed me He is the same way. He does love me so intensely that He wants to move the entire universe just to wipe my tears away. Except He's God and He has the power to change any situation in my life or my heart if I'm willing to wait on Him. (Waiting's important, 'cause it's tricky to move the universe without crushing someone else in the process. :p) Ironically the thought of such a big someone as God wanting to be close enough to wipe my tears away made me cry, then laugh, then cry, then laugh-cry. Ah, the beauty of being a girl. :p
"The LORD of hosts will prepare a lavish
banquet of all the peoples on this mountain;
A banquet of aged wine, choice pieces with
marrow,
And refined, aged wine.
And on this mountain He will swallow up
the covering which is over all people,
Even the veil which is stretched over all
nations.
He will swallow up death for all time,
And the lord GOD will wipe tears away
from all faces,
And He will remove the reproach of His
people from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.
And it will be said on that day,
"Behold, this is our God for whom we have
waited that He might save us.
This is the LORD for whom we have waited;
Let us rejoice and be glad in His salvation."
- Isaiah 25:6-9
It's cool the picture of God's love I got while I read this. I'm the oldest in my family and when one of my younger sisters (or even younger girl friends sometimes) is hurting I just would do anything if I could move the entire universe and make it stop. I wish so badly that I could be the hero of the moment and take away whatever the cause of these tears are. (I've gotten myself in trouble more than a few times trying.) Today watching the sun begin to set God showed me He is the same way. He does love me so intensely that He wants to move the entire universe just to wipe my tears away. Except He's God and He has the power to change any situation in my life or my heart if I'm willing to wait on Him. (Waiting's important, 'cause it's tricky to move the universe without crushing someone else in the process. :p) Ironically the thought of such a big someone as God wanting to be close enough to wipe my tears away made me cry, then laugh, then cry, then laugh-cry. Ah, the beauty of being a girl. :p
Monday, September 12, 2005
my darts
My little sister Joanie sent me this e-mail reecently.
"A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smithwas known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smithtold the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.
Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little
brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she
didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.
Dr. Smithsaid only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.' Matthew 25:40.
No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ."
Who have I thrown darts at deluding myself that I'm right, that I have not hurt anyone who didn't have it coming? Where have my thoughts and attitudes been?
"A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smithwas known for his elaborate object lessons.
One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.
On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smithtold the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.
Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little
brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.
The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she
didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smithbegan removing the target from the wall.
Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.
Dr. Smithsaid only these words... 'In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me.' Matthew 25:40.
No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ."
Who have I thrown darts at deluding myself that I'm right, that I have not hurt anyone who didn't have it coming? Where have my thoughts and attitudes been?
Sunday, September 11, 2005
soundboard
Well today was my first day really running the soundboard at church during worship. It was so cool. Nothing majorly bad happened. The system started to feed back at one point but I caught it so quickly that I'm able to tell myself nobody noticed. (Hopefully.) If something had gone wrong Josiah (my teacher) was standing right there to help me if I needed it. It was great to be at the back turning the knobs and making everything run smoothly enough that everyone can focus on God and worship.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
last night for awhile.....
Tonight and last night we've all hung out with Isaac. Last night we went tromping out in to woods to see the Tree People. Isaac ended up losing his shoes and we searched in vain for them for like half and hour in the dark with flashlights. Today he went back out an found them. We went and watched him play soccer tonight. Then we all ate Thai food together in Breck. We followed him over to Bill and Jerie's house where he said goodbye to the housechurch that was just ending. We played the craziest game of pingpong ever with fifteen people running around the table screaming and hitting the ball once before handing off the paddle to the next in line. Then we took this insane group picture in the dark with all of us piled on top of Emily's car.
After all this awesome craziness Isaac had to go home and pack. It was sad, he gave everyone a hug and said a short goodbye for each. Then he slowly walked towards his car. We couldn't take it and all chased him down and tackled him for a giant group hug. Oh then we watched him drive off telling us he loves us and to keep following Jesus. After he was gone we all took some time to pray for him and his trip and the friends he'll meet there. After we were done praying for him we quietly walked to our cars in the dark.
Wow, we're all going to miss him so much. He's a pillar of strength for a lot of people in the housechurch. The reality of Isaac leaving hasn't quite hit yet. I'm kinda excited though, no really excited. He's going to grow so much in Paris! At the same time we will all be growing here; his absence is going to leave a big hole that the rest of us will somehow have to learn to fill while he's gone. It won't be the same with Isaac in Paris and most of the rest of us here but I'm sure everyone in our housechurch is going to learn a lot in these next nine months.
After all this awesome craziness Isaac had to go home and pack. It was sad, he gave everyone a hug and said a short goodbye for each. Then he slowly walked towards his car. We couldn't take it and all chased him down and tackled him for a giant group hug. Oh then we watched him drive off telling us he loves us and to keep following Jesus. After he was gone we all took some time to pray for him and his trip and the friends he'll meet there. After we were done praying for him we quietly walked to our cars in the dark.
Wow, we're all going to miss him so much. He's a pillar of strength for a lot of people in the housechurch. The reality of Isaac leaving hasn't quite hit yet. I'm kinda excited though, no really excited. He's going to grow so much in Paris! At the same time we will all be growing here; his absence is going to leave a big hole that the rest of us will somehow have to learn to fill while he's gone. It won't be the same with Isaac in Paris and most of the rest of us here but I'm sure everyone in our housechurch is going to learn a lot in these next nine months.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
retreat
This weekend was the housechurch leaders' retreat. I've been looking forward to this since last year. We had a great time talking about prayer, discipleship, discouragement, and we ate together and hiked and sang. We talked about loving people without being afraid that they will leave the church. (Which can really feel like a rejection of you and really hurt and make you question yourself.) We talked about loving and being a blessing to people knowing that in our transient society people we pour our hearts into will sometimes move away or get angry and leave. Ouch that's discouraging, I tend to feel like a complete failure at those times. Later we spent some time talking about discouragement.
We also prayed for each other. It's cool how encouraging it can be to pray for other people. I didn't ask for prayer (not that I don't need it, I just didn't know what to ask for) and it was really good to pray for everyone. This group has gotten a lot closer in the last year; we've prayed for each other a lot through our hard times.
On the hike I ended up walking with Bill and we had a lovely talk about nursing, dentistry, and how he became a Christian. (Yes, the three do go together.) We also talked about the biographies of missionaries that had shaped our lives, thoughts, and goals. Interesting, they were both books we had read shortly after deciding to follow Jesus and they were both people who displayed a passion for Jesus that would not shrink from giving Him any sacrifice He asked, even death.
Well, that was the retreat. It was really better than what I just wrote, God spoke to me powerfully about something big I've been struggling with but it would be too hard to explain here. It's just one of those really good times with friends that has a purpose..... I'm excited to see what God does over this next year.
We also prayed for each other. It's cool how encouraging it can be to pray for other people. I didn't ask for prayer (not that I don't need it, I just didn't know what to ask for) and it was really good to pray for everyone. This group has gotten a lot closer in the last year; we've prayed for each other a lot through our hard times.
On the hike I ended up walking with Bill and we had a lovely talk about nursing, dentistry, and how he became a Christian. (Yes, the three do go together.) We also talked about the biographies of missionaries that had shaped our lives, thoughts, and goals. Interesting, they were both books we had read shortly after deciding to follow Jesus and they were both people who displayed a passion for Jesus that would not shrink from giving Him any sacrifice He asked, even death.
Well, that was the retreat. It was really better than what I just wrote, God spoke to me powerfully about something big I've been struggling with but it would be too hard to explain here. It's just one of those really good times with friends that has a purpose..... I'm excited to see what God does over this next year.
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