is it okay?

God I don't know where here is
But it seems to be where I'm lost
Am I lost? I don't really know
This place has me confused

Is it okay if I walk through this part?
Can I be afraid, lost, and unsure?
If I stumble here will You lift me?

The times have turned lonely
And all I want to do is hide
Blot out every lost chance at friendship
And pretend my hearts not breaking

Is it okay if I walk through this part?
Can I be hard, withdrawn, and untouchable?
If I stumble here will You lift me?

My past still confusing
My future a grey uncertainty
My dreams are faded to nothing
This heart a bombed-out shell

Is it okay if I walk through this part?
Can I be cynical, moody, and unglued?
If I stumble here will You lift me?

I don't understand this journey
Or why You bring me where You do
Remember that I am dust
Change me as You will

i, nomad

Last semester I took nine credits at my college while working full-time. I did not die doing this which showed me I can do more than I thought. So I’m taking a heavier class load the next couple of semesters and will be able to graduate with my associates a semester sooner than I planned. I’m excited, like bounce-off-the-walls excited.

Not that I don’t like my school, it’s a nice little school, but including the semesters I took off I’ve been here for four years. And it’s a two year school. So, glad to be moving on. I went to take a tour of my new school last week and loved it. The University of Colorado is so cool. It has a huge gym. Again, I’m excited, like run-around-a-gym excited. (Can I be a nerd and laugh at my own really lame joke?)

I think I’m a bit of a nomad. Okay, I’m a nearly hopeless nomadic. I’m the kind who moves into a new place and then gets all bored and itchy to move after about three months. In April I will have been officially renting in Summit county for three years. I’ve lived in the same house all this time, though I’ve changed rooms thrice and had various house-sitting jobs, I think that has helped me a lot. :p

I love living in Summit but I’m ready to move on to Boulder and try new things, I almost can’t wait till August. I’ve already got a growing list of things I have to try or do while I’m there. Maybe I’ll join the sub-varsity track team or learn to play soccer or the guitar or ahh, the possibilities seem endless at the moment, but I’m beginning to ramble. Ta ta.

thoughts

i think i can't wait
the time to live is now
how will i do this life?

the morals they taught me
still ringing in my ears
a harsh scrape
the taste of sour
was it all hypocrisy
or was it an honest attempt?
a mixed bag
not mine to know
who am i?

but i open my windows and look out
past the gilded cages of the west
past the frantic attempts of the fanatics
past the cripple in the streets
the infant just lost to starvation
and the desperate drunk with no home
will i close my eyes?

can i close my eyes to the child prostitute?
the forgotten sweatshop employee
or the desperate saudi housewife?
what about the abandoned baby girl
or the tired teenager considering an abortion?
a boy was just sold into slavery for the price of my jeans
while an african family is shattered by aids
and a successful businessman just killed himself
where do i stand in this mess?

shall i blind myself to a tortured world
while i spend my energy on attaining righteous perfection
meanwhile buying my careful image with blood money?
will i stand before god apologetic in the end
because i wasn't that poster child?
what touches his heart?

what then will i do?
things heat up fast and the time to act
cannot be allowed to pass me by unconscious
something in me wants more than just to keep my balance
in this rapidly changing culture of consumption
what if i didn't live for myself?

"i'm sorry i didn't feed you,
couldn't pause to offer a sip of cold water"
don't let me be caught speaking these words
at the gates of eternity

testimonial

I used to think that internet quizzes were only for the hopelessly bored, then I tried blogthings. It changed my life. Every since I found out that I was a Vissionary Soul I haven't stopped being surprised at my own profoundness. I've become a much better friend because I've been so undertanding, reasonable, and sympathetic. On the down side I've been a little depressed, but I'm a great healer so I get over it. And, best of all, I found an Peacemaker Soul to marry. Isn't that exciting!? Thank you so much blogthings you've changed my life!

Ahem, on to more important things....

I have changed majors again. Yep, back in December. That made twice last year. At least these things don't matter to much at a Jr college. They probably expect this. Well now I'm going for Linguistics. I've always been really interested in this (more than any of the others so far) but had thought it's only use was in museumes working on the Rosetta Stone or for missionaries translating the Bible. In December I discovered that studying linguistics actually has gazoons of uses. This was enough to make me really happy and excited for weeks.

I'm walking in the May graduation, graduating in August, and transferring to CU Boulder in the fall semester. So excited...

Hmmm...

You Are a Visionary Soul

You are a curious person, always in a state of awareness. Connected to all things spiritual, you are very connected to your soul. You are wise and bright: able to reason and be reasonable. Occasionally, you get quite depressed and have dark feelings. You have great vision and can be very insightful. In fact, you are often profound in a way that surprises yourself. Visionary souls like you can be the best type of friend. You are intuitive, understanding, sympathetic, and a good healer. Souls you are most compatible with: Old Soul and Peacemaker Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?