Emmanuel - God with us

“From the squalor of a borrowed stable,
By the Spirit and a virgin’s faith
To the anguish and the shame of scandal
Came the Savior to the human race….”

This is a Christmas song that Immanuel Fellowship sings. It goes through the entire life of Jesus, “King of Heaven now the friend of sinners, humble servant in the Father’s hands.” The song goes as far as His death, “He fights for breath, He fights for me,” and even to His second coming, “But the skies will part as the trumpet sounds.”

I think this is my favorite Christmas song. Though, I can’t remember all the words, I tried to give a good picture of it. I like it because so many songs we sing focus only on the baby in a manger yet this one goes through His whole life and purpose to save us.

This year I’ve really been struck by God’s passion to save humanity. Just the fact that He came to earth humbly, as a child shows His love. God could’ve come any way He wanted but He came as a servant. I don’t know why but this Christmas for the first time it’s struck me how much more gentle and loving it was of God to come humbly and live among us rather than sweeping down in a chariot of fire and showing us His glory in an unmistakable way.

It so awesome, because He’s God so He already knows everything, I’m sure that included knowing what it’s like to be human. However, He loves us enough to actually want to experience it with us. My favorite part of the song says, “Yes He walked my road and He felt my pain, joys and sorrows that I know so well; yet His righteous steps give me hope again – I will follow my Emmanuel.”

new ring

So back in May I got a ring to remind myself of several promises God made me while in Annecy. I've been surprised how much that little piece of metal has helped me remember what God has spoken to me. It's become rather like a security blanket, something that I take off and twiddle with or just look at when I'm feeling weak and scared that God has changed His mind.

Well in the last seven months some of those promises have been fulfilled in ways I didn't really have the courage to hope for at the time. (Not all of them are all the way yet but more than enough to be sure that God is going to finish it.) Only one remains....but that one will take awhile.

I recently broke my little ring. (***cries a tear) Yesterday my sisters Jacque (she's back from Texas again!) and Joanie, my cousin Marie, and I went shopping at a mall near Marie's house. I decided to buy a new ring as my finger has felt naked these last few days without one. I picked out a pack of five rings all tied together that had one I liked that fit me. Jacque decided she liked three of the others and tried one on. It stuck. My poor sister stood there in that store and worked and worked but to no avail. The ring was stubborn. My sister was thoroughly stuck, probably for life.

Well, since I was going to buy them anyway I comforted her with the fact that we wouldn't have to steal them. We went to the register and the kind girl rung up the rings - right on her hand. Then she was so nice as to cut the string holding them all together so that Jacque would only have to wear the one that was stuck rather than all of them.

She managed to get the ring off when we got back to the house. I'm glad we didn't have to amputate it, but probably not as glad as Jacque is. Anyway, I have a new ring to remember what God has spoken to me and is doing in my life. Jacque got her rings to work as well. Happy ending. :p

narnia

I just saw Narnia for the second time this week. I've read the book several times (I'm losing count) and they did a good job sticking to the original story. Even better, they did a fantastic job maintaining the heart and message that comes across in the book. Rather than downplay, most of the little changes highlighted what a traitor Edmund was and therefore they also highlighted the sacrifice of Aslan.

The characters were all amazingly cast. I've seen several attempts to make The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe into a movie. One of them I had to shut it off after about ten minutes because it was so awful. Usually Aslan's a small puppet or he's got a rather nasal and wimpy sounding voice. The kids are all the wrong ages or look like they just dropped out of the 70's not the 1940's during WWII. Every one of them were about the age the book implies and looking like they lived in 1940's England. They all kept the characters of the book, they even looked the way I've always imagined them. (Well except the witch I always imagined her looking a bit more like Cher. Though I thought the woman who did it played her well.) The character of Edmund, his treachery, and his salvation were excellently done. Aslan was big, strong, gentle, and wild. (That line in the book about Aslan being wild and untameable but incredibly good at the same time has hugely influenced the way I've thought about God since I read the book when I was fifteen.) The witch was just as awful and even trickier than I imagined her.

Ooooo, I want to go read all the Narnia books again and I can't wait till it comes out on movie!

it's over

Hooorah! Biology class is over. I took the last test today. I think I did well, I hope it was good enough to cover the bad grades I got on another couple of tests. :S I guess I'll find out in a few weeks. Anyway, next semester I'm taking art and ice climbing classes. It's supposed to be a very busy season for the clinic.

i'm 22 for a moment

Today is one of my favorite days of the year. Usually on December 13th I have a birthday….actually so far it’s never failed to come. ;) I am now twenty-two and I like the sound of it. Maybe I've lost some maturity between this year and last; I am way more excited about this birthday than I was about the last, and I hear that women older than twenty-one are supposed to dread their birthdays. Oh well, I’ll be immature; denial and lies can come later.

My birthday was kinda odd. First I worked but got off early. Then I went for a run and figured out that I can do mile in twelve minutes without racing. (I have never measured or timed myself before so I’m happy.) Then I went to biology class and forgot my homework. :s But the teacher is letting me turn it in next week. Finally I went home to watch Rabbit Proof Fence with the kids that live in my house and one of their friends. Only two other people were able to come and only one stayed for the movie because it’s finals week.

Crazy way to spend my day but that’s okay. I’m excited anyway. Glad to be alive and wondering what I’ll get to see God do in the next year. What will He do in me? Seems like there’s so much that needs to change in me. God’s on top of it. When He’s ready He will show me how. I’m so excited I want to run another mile or two, but it’s late and my guest took his time leaving so that will have to wait for another day.

victory

I had brekfast with Bill and Jerie, a couple who lead the Tueday night housechurch. I had a great time helping them make breakfast. I got the job of cooking some aweful turkey bacon. It was all of our first and last times eating turkey bacon. ;) Bill's pankakes were wonderful though and they more than made up for the bacon.

Now why am I talking about what we had for breakfast? So I can tell you something amazing and profound that Jerie said of course! :P (At least to me, maybe everyone else is smarter.) I mentioned how I don't feel like I'm where I want to be in my walk with God. Somehow she must have read my mind because this is waht she asked me: "What is victory?" She assumed a superhero pose with her arms raised valiantly above her head, "Is it da, da da daaa?" (At this point I'm thinking, Yes that's Christian victory.) "No, that's not victory." Jerie continued, seeming to answer my thoughts, "Victory in the Christian life is faithfulness. It's following Jesus no matter what."

That hits a bit hard. Like, I know the right answers. I know that you don't have to be a supersaint to be a Christian. Yet I live and think as if somehow I have to impress God with my spirituallity. It's so hard for me to just chill out and quit trying so hard to perform for Him.

the mission bell

Yesterday a random thought popped into my head, "Hmmm...... It's been awhile since Delirious? came out with an album." Since Isaac's not around to check these things for me anymore I decided to check their sight for myself. To my sheer delight I saw the new cover-design of The Mission Bell, their new album. I'm excited; Delirious? is my favorite group. Then today I noticed an e-mail from my friend Isaac, who's currently living in Paris, and there's a music file attached. I can't open it till my next trip to my parents' house, but I think it's the free down-load I saw on their sight.

odd mix

The girls in the family I live with wanted to learn how to make greeting cards with rubber stamps. This can be quite complex, if you’re creative about it. So today my family had them all over to their house (my mom has a gazoon of the necessary supplies) and I taught them how to do anything they could think of to make cards.

Then in a turn away from such girlyness we all, guys included, ate pizza watched Edward Scissorhands. Very strange movie. I think either it’s supposed to have a really, really deep meaning or the writer was totally wasted while he wrote it. Though I kinda liked it, I must admit that I suspect the later of the two options to be true.

God's Spirit

Two of my friends, Isaac and Dan have written about the charismatic gifts. Both posts are more than worth the read. They've made me think a lot. I need to do a bit of sorting-out here.

The first church I went to was my grandparents' Evangelical Free Church which my parents began to attend when my family moved in with my grandparents when I was three. Those types of churches were really the only ones my mom took my sisters and I to all through our many moves. I remember being quite bored and annoyed with being snapped at for being the figetty kid that I was (am).

Then when I was ten we moved to Colorado to stay. As usual we didn't know a soul but soon met a nice homeschool family who went to an altogether different kind of church. They were going to an Assemblies of God church in Summit County and Living Word Fellowship (the second met in our town on Thursday nights). They started taking my mom, sisters, and I. Both are Pentecostal churches but Thursdays were definitely more lively. Unlike the other places I'd been these people definitely believed that God is still active in the world. Suddenly church was interesting. They spoke in tongues, fell down when they were prayed for, jumped around while they sang, randomly shouted "Amen," prayed for healings rather than easy deaths (something that had really bothered me as a small child in other churches and I always refused to go along with despite what the adults said), and they believed that God would give them nice houses and expensive cars. My dad started coming to church with us and we were all baptized in the Holy Spirit.

I became much more interested in God. Suddenly He was so much closer and more accessible than ever before. When all the adults in the small Thursday church began reading through the Bible I joined them and loved it.....till I got to Chronicles and then the long genealogies sapped my determination. I joined an Assemblies of God girl's group in Grandby and kept at reading through the Bible.

It lasted about two years. My family went through a year where we were short on money so we couldn't drive the distances and my dad quit liking the pastor of the Thursday night church. So we started going to the Kremmling Community church (again) when I was thirteen. This church was almost fundamental, which was disturbing after being in the quite dogmatic pentacostal churches. What would happen to my young relationship with God in such a dry, lifeless church? I was really worried and asked God for some help.

It came through an older girl in my Sunday school class when I was fourteen. She had been on several Teen Mania mission trips and helped me get started going on a trip. Now, the extra interesting thing about all these church changes is that while I went to the Community church on Sunday with my parents that same homeschool dad was still taking my sisters and I to the girls' group at the Pentecostal church in Grandby. So I was going to two churches at the same time each saying confidently that the other was wrong. It was a very interesting time. I tried not to think too much, it made my brain hurt. :p

Then I went through something of a crisis. I came home from my first mission trip sky-high on pride. Of course I didn't take long to fall, and I did it hard. My family had also been going through a rough time financially for a few years which affected everything else in the house. The private school I had been going to moved to the other side of our large county in the middle of a year so I quit going and lost all my friends from there right after my fifteenth birthday. My parents decided they didn't want me hanging out with one of my other friends because her parents were scary. (In my parents' defense they really were scary.) The homeschool family that we had been friends with for so long suddenly went through a yucky divorce. My sisters and I watched close-up the breakdown of this family that had influenced us so much. The girl who had introduced me to Teen Mania left the church pregnant during her senior year. One way or another I lost every friend I had in a period of about a month and a half.

Very dark times, but they made me think. Without a friend to lean on, I took a much closer look at my two churches. My parents were not members of the Pentecostal church which caused my sisters and I to have a distinctly lower place in the girls' group. No one but my teacher from middle-school genuinely wanted me there. I was a number. People there gossiped and randomly told others that they would go to hell for their worldly acts like having a Little Mermaid watch. I went to the Community church's youth group, Sunday school, and Sunday service with my parents. Here I saw the exact same things: gossip, leagalism, condemnation, and cliques. The gossip forced my pregnant friend to leave. I was a geeky homeschooler/freshman with braces; the youth group didn't care that I existed. Again I was a number. I began to doubt it all. People who believed the prosperity gospel freaked out over their finances. People who obnoxiously prayed in the name of Jesus that God would take the "rebellious spirit of the devil" out of a cheeky kid couldn't seem to get it together enough to make their marriages last. Those that believed in miracles never asked for them without screaming their prayers as if God couldn't hear. I found myself very confused, cynical, and doubting God. I mistrusted Christians - especially traveling pastors who claimed the fire of God but didn't stick around long enough to let us see it in their lives. I'd glare them down when they offered to pray for me to be "Slain in the Spirit," a thing with I had never done and in my state of distance from God had no intention of doing. I didn't believe any of it anymore.

However, in order to keep up my perfect, innocent homeschooler image of flawless Christianity, I had applied and been accepted on a second mission trip. God let me know He was still real, and really interested in me a few weeks before I left and I began taking my questions to Him. On that trip I saw people healed. One boy was completely paralyzed on his left side. All his limbs were undersized and had barely a scrap of muscle on them, while his other side - still small - looked and functioned normally. Another group prayed for him but I saw the effects, he walked. The boy went home and got his mother and a lot of people prayed to give their lives to Jesus and filled out the little cards we gave them so that someone from a local church could follow-up with them. There was also a blind woman who received sight and a sick man was healed.

It's all very confusing. Since then my parents stated taking us to a more middle kinda church, Immanuel Fellowship, which believes that God works miraculously but doesn't obsess over signs and then they moved on while I have decided to stay here where I'm finally much more than a number. I have prayed for healing and both seen and not seen it. I've seen prayers I've prayed for my friends' hearts answered with more power than I had dared hope. A couple of people are almost completely different than they were five years ago when I and a few others really focused in prayer for them. Yet there are others who's lives and attitudes have only dramatically worsened as I've prayed. I've seen God use me in friends' lives and I've seen everything fall apart no matter how hard I try and how hard I pray. Seems like it's been a lot of the latter these last few years. I find myself discouraged and wondering what it is I'm looking for in all of this.

Dan talked about the Fruits of the Spirit, love, and how the miraculous gifts are named right along side and at equal standing with things like hospitality. (Gal. 5, 1 Cor. 12-14) After hearing Jesus warn the pharasies over and over that it's a wicked generation that seeks a sign (Matt. 16:4, Luke 11:29), why is it that we so often seek a sign to prove that God's Spirit is moving? Yet Jesus also said, "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father." (John 14:12) I've often heard those of the Pentecostal persuasion saying that this means we will see the same miracles of physical healing and provision that Jesus did and even more. While I think that we can't just demand whatever, whenever and expect God to bend the entire universe just to give us our fancy of the moment. I do think that Jesus meant this words as much as He meant anything else He said to us. However, I think we've taken a very narrow view of it. Jesus didn't just perform miracles of physical healing. He loved sinners. He patiently discipled twelve young and largely uneducated men. He got up early to pray every day. He forgave sins. He forgave and loved the mob that crucified Him.

So, what is the point? Why does God sent His Spirit? Like Dan pointed out, the emphasis in the New Testiment seems to be on transformation rather than miraculous signs. The same seems to be true of the passages about the Holy Spirit. I may be wrong, but it seems like God is not as interested in sending His Spirit through signs as He is in sending Him through the miracle of transformation. I think we don't always see a transformed heart as a miracle. It's not very loud or flashy, and in most people it happens so slowly that it only visible in retrospect. Maybe it's just me, but that's always seemed more desperate and hopeless than the physical, obvious stuff.

I think that we seek the signs and wonders because they are easier. (Not that there's anything wrong with them in and of themselves.) They are easier because they're loud, we don't really have to be in tune to and listening to God to see what He's doing when He works through the overtly miraculous. It's a quick change and doesn't require the patience of the slow, frustrating transformations that the heart makes. When abused it's a quick way to win yourself a name in God's Kingdom and it's a cheap way to trick yourself into feeling close to God in the absence of a real relationship. Tongues can be faked and 1 Corinthians 13 says that they will pass away. Love however cannot be faked very long but it's permanent. Yet true love requires a deep change of heart and at times incredible sacrifice. It can be pretty painful and unglorious.

Not that it's an easy answer, but I was impressed buy a comment left on Isaac's blog by a man who calls himself "The Big Dog." He said, "I would posit that there might be a third explanation: [in answer to Isaac's two options for why we don't see the Spirit moving] What if God is still sending His Spirit, but He's sending Him (It?) in ways and places that we're not expecting or looking for, so consequently we assume He's not there. We miss what would be obvious if we were looking for it. The religious establishment of the day completely missed the import of Jesus' arrival and ministry because He didn't come in a way and in the time they were looking for. I think God and the Spirit are always at work, always on the move, always up to something - and I often miss most of it because I'm running on default systems and autopilot."

We make God small in our minds by our attempts to draw lines around Him and find the formula that makes it easy. It's so hard to accept that He is, as C. S. Lewis says in the Chronicles of Narnia, wild and untameable by us. We can't just trust that He does what feels best to us but what is best, even when it hurts terribly and doesn't make any sense. But how do you trust someone too big and wonderful to be nicely predictable? How do you walk beside Someone who is both the Lion and the Lamb? Who is capable of making Himself known both through the parting of the sea and a still, small voice? Someone who spoke the stars into existence and also lay helpless as a baby in the arms of a teenage girl? How do you begin to understand someone like that?