faith?

I've been thinking about faith a lot lately. I'm beginning to wonder if the simple word faith really communicates the reality. It seems like we use the word to describe belief. You have faith in God or you have faith that God will do such-and-such thing in your life. Sometimes it seems like having faith in the face of impossible circumstances is some kind of virtue that we trust in to move mountains.

I've often thought that this is a little ironic and wondered if the mountains are moved by my faith or if they are moved by the One I have faith in. We so easily get wrapped up in ourselves and our agendas that we (I being very guilty) treat God like some kind of genie that will grant our wishes if we believe hard enough. And if the wishes weren't granted than we must conclude that there is a problem either with our faith or with God. But is this really what faith is? Is faith really just belief that something will happen? I think it's deeper than this, a lot deeper.

I've always been struck by Jeremiah 17:5-8 and the contrast it paints between those who trust in mankind and those who trust in God. I've wondered if faith is at it's heart closer to something like trust than the close-minded, trying-too-hard demands we often make. I wonder if faith is being more willing to let go of what I think should happen and trusting that whatever God does will be good, weather He rescues me or lets me walk through the fire. I admire the courage of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego when they said, "..our God whom we serve is able to save us from the furnace and out of your hand king, but even if He doesn't, let it be known that we will not serve your god."

This is hard-core trust in God, to be able to stare into the fire you are about to be thrown into and say, "My God can save me, but even if He choses not to I will not bow." Do we have faith in God Himself, in His character or only in what He can do? Yes He can do all that we ask, but what if He has bigger plans that we don't see? What happens to our trust in God when He says no? What if He says no to a desperate need? Where is our faith then? Can we go on needing and not knowing why and still trust? And trust is something deeper than the surface of our circumstances and emotions. Faith is so much more than the moment. I have not been a shining example of faith. I get scared very easily. I question God, and wonder where He is and what He's doing. Despite all this, I've seen Him work incredible things in my life even during times where I flat-out refused to hope, couldn't bring myself to hope, that anything could be done to save me from whatever fire I was facing.

God is not tied to our faith. He chooses to limit Himself to working with us through our prayers, but I think we don't give Him nearly enough credit for what He can do within those limitations. God remembers our hearts to love and serve Him even when we are so disillusioned that we can't even pray for the strength to serve Him. God remembers the prayers we prayed in faith years after we've quit believing that He ever heard those particular prayers. He is not dependent on our daily ups and downs. We equate faith with an emotion way too much. We feel faith. Naturally human beings have days where we feel like we can believe in what we don't see and we have days where that feeling of belief is entirely out of reach. That feeling is not faith. Faith is the deeper trust in God, it's beyond emotion. (But wouldn't Satan like to tell you your faith is non-existent on your bad days? It's a lie.) It's the trust that lets me know I can come to God and talk to Him about how little I feel like I trust Him on a given day. It's the trust that knows that God will answer my prayers His way and it will be good. It's trust that even if my faith isn't big enough, my God has not changed and He is still more than big enough. So often the thing we have faith in is nothing more than our own faith. That's silly. My faith is nothing next to my God.

And God knows what's next. He knows what's best. I've had Him refuse to answer some of my most desperate prayers for inner change only to find out later that He had plans to use my weakness in some huge way before allowing me to grow in that area. I've prayed prayers once and then forgotten them only to have God remind me of my prayer years later after He had answered it. I have feared the worst, seen every fear and more come true, lost my ability to believe that God would ever do anything in my life again, and still been carried through every hard place (kicking and screaming) despite my lack of trust in God to help me. I've prayed trembling, afraid, and pitiful, and still seen God work. Maybe this is the mustard seed of faith that Jesus talks about, not that we have the power to command the mountains but that we know, small and scared as that knowledge may be, that whatever God does will somehow be good even if it's not what we thought we needed and we will never stop following God no matter what.

In all our prayers we need to remember that faith is far deeper than emotion. We rarely need as much as we think we do. God's bigger than our prayers and His timing is perfect. He will teach us to trust Him. And until then (and always) He is faithful even when we are not.